Do You Believe In Monsters?
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Storms That Haunt Me "Living with a madman.
27 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I would have thought that one's belief in God would stop them from not committing acts of extreme violence and the control that brings, as a dad, and now grandfather, my responsibility is to show the face of grace, love and mercy, always a reflection of caring, someone worthy of imitation. I've noticed there is a propensity of appearance in the church, but remember, God's not like that, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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I would have thought that one's belief in God would stop them from not committing acts of extreme violence and the control that brings, as a dad, and now grandfather, my responsibility is to show the face of grace, love and mercy, always a reflection of caring, someone worthy of imitation. I've noticed there is a propensity of appearance in the church, but remember, God's not like that, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Thank you, Roy. Churches are filled with people who are flawed.
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As am I, I?m fortunate to know many who are humble and kind.
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You, Sir, are a good man.
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Bless you Douglas
Comment from Lisasview
Douglas, the chills of your story are still with me. Hard for me to write the words I am feeling. You wrote the fear you felt so well, that I felt it.
Did you ever seek professional help? There is a type of therapy called short term therapy. Quite good for PTSD...This might really help you.
Ashamed that you did not stop him is unfair for you to feel. Really what can a child do?
I found a small typo in your story.. and unleash the his fury .....I think you did not mean to put THE in that sentence.
Writing does help...
Lisasview
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Douglas, the chills of your story are still with me. Hard for me to write the words I am feeling. You wrote the fear you felt so well, that I felt it.
Did you ever seek professional help? There is a type of therapy called short term therapy. Quite good for PTSD...This might really help you.
Ashamed that you did not stop him is unfair for you to feel. Really what can a child do?
I found a small typo in your story.. and unleash the his fury .....I think you did not mean to put THE in that sentence.
Writing does help...
Lisasview
Comment Written 12-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Thank you. I know the feeling of shame is illogical . . . yet there it is. Haunted by the "should haves."
Writing is a therapy in itself. Plus the kind responses from people like you help and are very (I have paused here for five minutes trying to find the correct word) . . . reaffirming.
Thank you.
D
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I just added more to my review...please reread it..and I gave you a 6 Star!
Lisa
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Glad to know that Douglas...
Interesting that you say the should haves as I just wrote a poem for the committee contest that says words like that... I can not remember if you read it or not?
I called it Thinking Out loud
Lisa
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Doug, this is an absolutely heart wrenching account of this episode in your life and I'm so sorry to hear how painful and long-term your response has been to this horrendous experience. You write as though it were yesterday, never mind that it feels like yesterday. You have that tremendous skill to put such power and poignancy behind every word. And you never overdo it with unnecessary imagery and descriptiveness. What you say is starkly evocative. This sounds very trivial but "God (dammit) I'm a kid." Your story is worthy of a 7 let alone a 6 but sadly I'm out already. Keep writing as long as you need, Doug, because sooner or later you will exorcise that beast! Take care Debbie x
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Doug, this is an absolutely heart wrenching account of this episode in your life and I'm so sorry to hear how painful and long-term your response has been to this horrendous experience. You write as though it were yesterday, never mind that it feels like yesterday. You have that tremendous skill to put such power and poignancy behind every word. And you never overdo it with unnecessary imagery and descriptiveness. What you say is starkly evocative. This sounds very trivial but "God (dammit) I'm a kid." Your story is worthy of a 7 let alone a 6 but sadly I'm out already. Keep writing as long as you need, Doug, because sooner or later you will exorcise that beast! Take care Debbie x
Comment Written 12-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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You are very kind. That is why you are my friend and one of my favorite people on here. You really are a blessing.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Such a sad way to live, in fear, just waiting for the next eruption. My dad's father was a Methodist laypreacher, wrote many spiritual poems but at home there was no Christianity, only fear and dread. It is obvious in the way you've written this that it is still with you. Well done for sharing your story.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Such a sad way to live, in fear, just waiting for the next eruption. My dad's father was a Methodist laypreacher, wrote many spiritual poems but at home there was no Christianity, only fear and dread. It is obvious in the way you've written this that it is still with you. Well done for sharing your story.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 12-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Thank you, Valda.
Seems to be a common story.
Comment from Faith Williams
Wow, Douglas, I am so sorry this abuse happened to you and your mom. The fact he was a church deacon makes it all the more horrible, in my opinion. The church was complicit in his abuse as well. A tragic failing in its mission.
Before you start reading the suggestions (because it looks like I have something to say about most everything), please don't think of them as mistakes. They're not. Some are simple spags while others are ways to strengthen your already amazing story. They're tweaks. And as always, merely suggestions. If you don't agree, don't use them.
Suggestions to consider:
'The raging storm was in full force.' So, in this sentence, I think 'rage' is a much stronger verb than 'was' and is much stronger as a verb than an adjective. In other words, 'The storm raged in full force.'
'my mother's screams rang throughout the house.' 'My' should be capitalized.
'I sat trembling in my hiding spot. My knees clenched tightly to my chest, my tiny hands trembling.' Again, here, I think 'tremble' is the stronger verb. You could combine these two sentences, 'Sitting in my hiding spot with my knees clenched tightly to my chest, my tiny hands trembled.' Or, 'Sitting in my hiding spot, my whole body trembled. With my knees clenched tightly to my chest, my tiny hands shook.'
'The anger (came) over my stepfather like the darkest of tempests, black clouds covering his face in a spittle-strewn mask of angry rage.' Here, I think you could switch 'came' for a stronger verb: burst, swept, surged.
'my mother's fearful pleas went unheeded in the howling rage of the madman's grip.' 'My' should be capitalized here.
'It was a guttural, demonic growl, barely retaining any semblance of a human voice.' In this sentence, 'growl' is the stronger verb, 'He growled, guttural and demonic, barely retaining any semblance of a human voice.'
'the hoarse whisper sounded almost like a whistle.' 'The' should be capitalized.
"Pleasseeee . . . " I think you want "Pleeeeease... " unless it sounded more like, "Pleaseahhhh... "
"My words (came) out loud and shrill.' I think you could switch out 'came' for a stronger verb: burst, spurted, shot.
'(I heard) his heavy footsteps, followed by their door opening.' I think you could delete the phrase because readers will know what you're hearing without you telling. For example, ' His heavy footsteps thudded across the floor, followed by their door opening.'
'(I could see) his work boots three-feet from where I was hiding.' Same explanation as above, and I think you should add the part in your notes. 'His unlaced work boots', or if it was just one, 'His work boots, one unlaced, stood three feet (no hyphen needed here) from where I was hiding'.
'I tried hard not to wet my pants while I rode a fear so grippingly terrifying (that) I could taste it in my mouth. A fear not meant for children.' You can delete 'that'. That second sentence is haunting. I'm not sure fear such as this is meant for adults either.
Thank you for sharing this story with us, Douglas. By sharing it, you let others who have experienced the same thing know they are not alone. Shame thrives in darkness, and by sharing, you bring it into the light.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Wow, Douglas, I am so sorry this abuse happened to you and your mom. The fact he was a church deacon makes it all the more horrible, in my opinion. The church was complicit in his abuse as well. A tragic failing in its mission.
Before you start reading the suggestions (because it looks like I have something to say about most everything), please don't think of them as mistakes. They're not. Some are simple spags while others are ways to strengthen your already amazing story. They're tweaks. And as always, merely suggestions. If you don't agree, don't use them.
Suggestions to consider:
'The raging storm was in full force.' So, in this sentence, I think 'rage' is a much stronger verb than 'was' and is much stronger as a verb than an adjective. In other words, 'The storm raged in full force.'
'my mother's screams rang throughout the house.' 'My' should be capitalized.
'I sat trembling in my hiding spot. My knees clenched tightly to my chest, my tiny hands trembling.' Again, here, I think 'tremble' is the stronger verb. You could combine these two sentences, 'Sitting in my hiding spot with my knees clenched tightly to my chest, my tiny hands trembled.' Or, 'Sitting in my hiding spot, my whole body trembled. With my knees clenched tightly to my chest, my tiny hands shook.'
'The anger (came) over my stepfather like the darkest of tempests, black clouds covering his face in a spittle-strewn mask of angry rage.' Here, I think you could switch 'came' for a stronger verb: burst, swept, surged.
'my mother's fearful pleas went unheeded in the howling rage of the madman's grip.' 'My' should be capitalized here.
'It was a guttural, demonic growl, barely retaining any semblance of a human voice.' In this sentence, 'growl' is the stronger verb, 'He growled, guttural and demonic, barely retaining any semblance of a human voice.'
'the hoarse whisper sounded almost like a whistle.' 'The' should be capitalized.
"Pleasseeee . . . " I think you want "Pleeeeease... " unless it sounded more like, "Pleaseahhhh... "
"My words (came) out loud and shrill.' I think you could switch out 'came' for a stronger verb: burst, spurted, shot.
'(I heard) his heavy footsteps, followed by their door opening.' I think you could delete the phrase because readers will know what you're hearing without you telling. For example, ' His heavy footsteps thudded across the floor, followed by their door opening.'
'(I could see) his work boots three-feet from where I was hiding.' Same explanation as above, and I think you should add the part in your notes. 'His unlaced work boots', or if it was just one, 'His work boots, one unlaced, stood three feet (no hyphen needed here) from where I was hiding'.
'I tried hard not to wet my pants while I rode a fear so grippingly terrifying (that) I could taste it in my mouth. A fear not meant for children.' You can delete 'that'. That second sentence is haunting. I'm not sure fear such as this is meant for adults either.
Thank you for sharing this story with us, Douglas. By sharing it, you let others who have experienced the same thing know they are not alone. Shame thrives in darkness, and by sharing, you bring it into the light.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Thank you, Faith. You know that your suggestions are always welcome here!
As well as your wisdom.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a well written, but horrifying story describing the type of storm a child (or adult) should never experience. Your detailed descriptions allowed the reader to see exactly how domestic violence impacts young children. I don't understand the actions of the church, first to advise your mother to stay in an abusive relationship, and then offer no support after she left. I understand possible PTSD. Best wishes in the contest.
The beast stood their for maybe ten seconds (there)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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This is a well written, but horrifying story describing the type of storm a child (or adult) should never experience. Your detailed descriptions allowed the reader to see exactly how domestic violence impacts young children. I don't understand the actions of the church, first to advise your mother to stay in an abusive relationship, and then offer no support after she left. I understand possible PTSD. Best wishes in the contest.
The beast stood their for maybe ten seconds (there)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Thank you. At that time the Missionary Church was 100% anti-divorce. Plus my step-father was one of the biggest tithing people in the congregation. Thanks for the awesome review and great catch.
Comment from Spitfire
A different type of storm makes this a winning entry in my book. How terrible for a child growing up to hear this kind of violence in parents who are suppose to keep him safe. I like that you compared this to a tornado that is worse than any storm.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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A different type of storm makes this a winning entry in my book. How terrible for a child growing up to hear this kind of violence in parents who are suppose to keep him safe. I like that you compared this to a tornado that is worse than any storm.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Thank you. Not a great situation to say the least.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness Douglas this is a terrible experience that no 11 year old should go through and I am so sorry that this happened to you. Your vivid story had me on the edge of my seat and terrified. I hope your Mum is okay now and there is no sign of your stepfather around now. This is enough to make an adult unstable, let alone a child, a brave post, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Oh my goodness Douglas this is a terrible experience that no 11 year old should go through and I am so sorry that this happened to you. Your vivid story had me on the edge of my seat and terrified. I hope your Mum is okay now and there is no sign of your stepfather around now. This is enough to make an adult unstable, let alone a child, a brave post, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Mom is awesome now! She became a pastor. Stepfather is long time out of the picture!
Comment from Thesis
The situation you describe is horrible. I have seen the results of how many monsters treat those who cannot defend themselves. Unfortunately, your story is shared by many undeserving families. It's inexcusable and yet still continues.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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The situation you describe is horrible. I have seen the results of how many monsters treat those who cannot defend themselves. Unfortunately, your story is shared by many undeserving families. It's inexcusable and yet still continues.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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I have met the monsters and they are us.
Comment from jmdg1954
Douglas,
These stories tear my heart apart. I was raised in a family of non-violence so I feel for you and your mother.
You told the story with enough detail that I felt I was by your side behind you hid and felt your emotions... anger, petrified, desire to kill, fear, all encompassed.
Your notes indicated you've already written this story, well my friend, please continue to write if it makes you feel better in sharing this.
I'm sorry I cannot imagine this. If you ever need to talk you can always send me an email which I can provide.
Be strong my friend.
John
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Douglas,
These stories tear my heart apart. I was raised in a family of non-violence so I feel for you and your mother.
You told the story with enough detail that I felt I was by your side behind you hid and felt your emotions... anger, petrified, desire to kill, fear, all encompassed.
Your notes indicated you've already written this story, well my friend, please continue to write if it makes you feel better in sharing this.
I'm sorry I cannot imagine this. If you ever need to talk you can always send me an email which I can provide.
Be strong my friend.
John
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2023
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Thanks, buddy. That is why I consider you a friend.
