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Return To Concorde Valley

Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Bessie"
Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.

19 total reviews 
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent
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You had me smiling. Echo has no chance against Bessie. I've known ladies like her and there is no arguing with them once they decide something, especially if they want to feed you. You paint such a believable scene and dialogue with Bessie. I look forward to the interview in the next chapter.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Thank you, Debi!!! When I lived in Georgia, everywhere you went you had to eat, and it usually involved different recipes of grits. They would try to send you home with food, too. The best thing to do was smile and nod and eat away. It was always delicious!!
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent
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Your writing style is marvelous. The dialogue carries the story forward is a great manner. I was hooked from start to finish. If this was a book I was reading, I would be unable to put it down. Keep writing.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Awwwwww, thank you so much. That is very sweet. I try to add make it a book I would like to read, too. Sometimes I end up writing some boring parts, so I delete and redo.

    Have a great week,
    Rhonda
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Excellent
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This is a good chapter with the introduction of Bessie, an interesting and very Southern lady. Echo gave in gracefully, which is just what Bessie expected. You have created very different characters who will be fun to watch as the story unfolds.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Thank you for the review, Carol. Bessie definitely embodies many of the traditions and feelings of southerners. She, as many do, use it to gently get what they want as well.

    Take care,
    Rhonda
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent
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Very nice. You worked in the southern hospitalities nicely.
I love fried okra, but for me, they don't reheat very well.
(My grandma was named Bessie.)
Best wishes.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Wayne, I agree on the reheating of okra. I think that would take a talent I don't have.
    I'm glad you reviewed the story, and that's funny about the name Bessie. It just sounded so homey.

    Thanks again,
    Rhonda
reply by Wayne Fowler on 20-Aug-2023
    Grandma Bessie's sister was Jessie.
    Bessie named her daughter, my aunt, Essie.
Comment from Mike Stevens
Excellent
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda....
and don't we all have
a relative, a godmother or aunt, just like Bossy Bessie who is very opinionated and never hesitates telling it to you. That can be an annoyance but not so in Bessie's case

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 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Hi Mike, thank you for your review. That's funny, Bossy Bessie. I'll have to work that title in. Oh, yeah, I definitely had a relative like her.
    Take care,
    Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Excellent
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I really like this story. You have a winner on your hands, AND I really like Bessie. She's a great character, I can really relate to. I do believe she was my grandmother. LOL I couldn't see any way to improve this post.

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 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Thank you for reviewing, Barbara, and I'm glad you like it. I patterned her a bit after my mother, who was think as could be, but made sure to fatten everyone else up around her. Oh, and she always had a hidden agenda, lol.
    Thanks again,
    Rhonda
Comment from Faith Williams
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love the character of Bessie! She definitely has her own voice. This line is brilliant, "Girl child, I gave birth to six boys and if something around here breaks, and not one of them can show up to help their 83-year-old mama, they're off my Christmas list, and they know they don't want that to happen." I started laughing. And the sidelong glance with the comment about the grits is great. The Georgia rules made me laugh as well.

Suggestions to consider:
"Yeah, How'd that go?" Either you need a period instead of a comma or the 'h' shouldn't be capitalized.

"Bessie, I wish that was true." she sighed as (he) let her sentence trail off.
I think the word is 'she' here.

'Bessie knew Echo had come for more than the ads, and was planning to get what she wanted before telling what happened the night the body was found.' The first pass I found this sentence a bit confusing because of the pronoun 'she' which should refer to Bessie, not Echo. Maybe switch the beginning around, 'Knowing Echo had come for more than ads, Bessie planned... ' That way it's clear to the reader.

So, this one is a general suggestion, and it might be a bit nit-picky. When you describe the Christmas decorations, maybe add a sentence with more specificity about a particular item/decoration. I think it would add a layer of believability.

Overall, that was an enjoyable chapter, Rhonda. I look forward to the next one.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Faith, once again, you came through with a brilliant review. Not only did you gift the coveted 6 stars, but you made some very helpful suggestions.
    I made all the changes you suggested, and am I'm working on the part about the decorations. It would sound better with more details. I always have to work on setting and appreciate when it's noticed so I can add depth.

    Hugs,
    Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi Rhonda, I loved this chapter and Bessie is quite the character, isn't she? I love her already. Nothing better than to break the ice with some food. I can't wait to see how this story develops. Ulla xx

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Ulla, thank you so much for the beautiful 6 stars. You are so sweet, and I'm glad you stopped by to review. I am so far behind as I'm trying to adjust to the pace of being back in the classroom.

    You're right about food being the perfect icebreaker. So's a margarita, but not appropriate in this setting, lol.

    Thanks again, my friend,
    Rhonda
reply by Ulla on 20-Aug-2023
    Hehe, so right you are. Oh the Margaritas. I love them. Lol. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Hehe!
Comment from Sally Law
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Rhonda,
This is fantastic and worth the wait. You set the scene so well and negan with the character development. I like Bessie, she's wise and sassy. She pays attention to details which will help tremendously in this important case. Love it! I'm staying close, my friend!

Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for your day,
Sal xoxo's

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023
    Hi Sally, thank you for the beautiful 6 stars, and for bring so quick on the draw. I posted that about 2 minutes ago, lol.

    Funny you should catch how observant Bessie is. She will come through for our Echo, even if she did have to stuff her full of food first. I figured you could relate, having lived in Georgia.

    Can't wait until tomorrow!!
    Hugs,
    Rhonda
reply by Sally Law on 20-Aug-2023
    You're so welcome. Yes, I can relate to food and southern hospitality. We Georgian's love to eat!
    Blessings, Sal xoxo's