A Particular Friendship
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Reveal"We meet Lizzy who has just come out of the convent
14 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading, but had a feeling it was moving too fast. I am wondering if you could slow it down and add more details. Maybe not.
I still hate the smell of Lestoil. " (move ending quotation mark closer to 'Lestoil')
"My mother never "put on airs, acting like she was better than others, unlike my father. ('put on the airs')
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading, but had a feeling it was moving too fast. I am wondering if you could slow it down and add more details. Maybe not.
I still hate the smell of Lestoil. " (move ending quotation mark closer to 'Lestoil')
"My mother never "put on airs, acting like she was better than others, unlike my father. ('put on the airs')
Comment Written 13-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your perceptive review. It will slow down. This is background to be filled in within context.
Comment from strandregs
One of
You missed the of.
Around stalking
And the moral of the story is.
You are not a shadow, appendage, mirror image of your parents.
You have to shatter that mirror of perception and conception you have of yourself,
Bestowed on your moulding image of yourself.
Yes. A constant struggle
:-))Z.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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One of
You missed the of.
Around stalking
And the moral of the story is.
You are not a shadow, appendage, mirror image of your parents.
You have to shatter that mirror of perception and conception you have of yourself,
Bestowed on your moulding image of yourself.
Yes. A constant struggle
:-))Z.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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No one else has gifted me with a review that is so much them. Thank you...I love it.
Comment from lyenochka
I love the influence of your mother! Even more so I'm impressed with the smooth transition from life in the monastery to living on your own.
I do think it's fine that you tell your autobiography in the third person. Ray Bradbury did. But at times I was a little confused as to who was speaking, Lizzy or someone else.
One punctuation issue where I would do the quote in the quote as single quotes:
"My mother never 'put on airs', acting like she was better than others,
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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I love the influence of your mother! Even more so I'm impressed with the smooth transition from life in the monastery to living on your own.
I do think it's fine that you tell your autobiography in the third person. Ray Bradbury did. But at times I was a little confused as to who was speaking, Lizzy or someone else.
One punctuation issue where I would do the quote in the quote as single quotes:
"My mother never 'put on airs', acting like she was better than others,
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your perceptive review. Only Lizzy's words are in quotes
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting description of your life and attitudes. It is sad your mother, because she had once been poor, made you two children feel less than other people.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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This is an interesting description of your life and attitudes. It is sad your mother, because she had once been poor, made you two children feel less than other people.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your involved review. My mother had poor self esteem because of her childhood of abuse by her mother. We had poor self esteem because of our verbally abusive father. He was such an important lawyer and narcissist. What do they say, "We marry our parent. My mother married her mother. He was not physically abuse but words cut deeper.