Br'er Rabbit
Viewing comments for Prologue "Br'er Rabbit"Ex-intelligence officer's personal tragedy
17 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
A very sad story, as it rings so true and really sick when you think of the reality of it.
This may be your first effort on this site, but it's obviously a sample of your good writing. I'm sure you'll have many fans.
Katharine
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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A very sad story, as it rings so true and really sick when you think of the reality of it.
This may be your first effort on this site, but it's obviously a sample of your good writing. I'm sure you'll have many fans.
Katharine
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Thank you very much, Katherine. I appreciate the length of the road ahead, but words of encouragement such as this makes me keep on moving. Wishing you a great week.
Comment from Frank Malley
"Brer Rabbit" is an exceptional posting. It consistently uses a tone of strength and intelligence on the very edge of despair, and succeeds in presenting a complex story clearly in only a few thousand words.
There were a few places where I had to backtrack and rethread my needle of comprehension, but I was reading too fast and probably am responsible for missing cues within the story.
As a title, "Brer Rabbit" emphasizes too much the trickery of the espionage business. I would have preferred some title that hinted at the lethal dilemmas present in professional, cold-blooded dealings.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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"Brer Rabbit" is an exceptional posting. It consistently uses a tone of strength and intelligence on the very edge of despair, and succeeds in presenting a complex story clearly in only a few thousand words.
There were a few places where I had to backtrack and rethread my needle of comprehension, but I was reading too fast and probably am responsible for missing cues within the story.
As a title, "Brer Rabbit" emphasizes too much the trickery of the espionage business. I would have preferred some title that hinted at the lethal dilemmas present in professional, cold-blooded dealings.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Shocked and humbled to receive such high praise. Thank you dearly, Frank. Out of all my stories - published here and not, I like Br?er Rabbit the most, and I share your reservations regarding the title. It?s only with time that I grow into thinking that I could have done a better job at it. Lesson learned.
Again, thank you very much for your encouraging review and rating. Means a lot to me. Have a great week ahead.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Pretty ruthless stuff. Killing is final.
Nice writing.
I didn't get how he got from getting kicked out of the Academy to being a field agent. (I know he was mentored, but was he a sanctioned/certified/whatever agent?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Pretty ruthless stuff. Killing is final.
Nice writing.
I didn't get how he got from getting kicked out of the Academy to being a field agent. (I know he was mentored, but was he a sanctioned/certified/whatever agent?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Individuals showcasing exceptional promise and/or being noticed by weathered officers, like Ben, are being trained outside of the intelligence agency records. They operate outside of the embassies and without official diplomatic immunity, meaning if they catch you, you won?t get to go home. The only game that matters in the world of espionage is being played by officers outside of that diplomatic immunity umbrella.
They won?t slap your hand, place "persona non grata" sticker on your forehead and expel you from the country. Persons such as the Protagonist, who operate without the cover of being officially employed by the embassy, are being put in jail on espionage charges. There are exceptional materials online that can be read about what happens to ?szpion"(spy) in Russian prisons. They are at the child-molesters level which I believe says everything.
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement, Wayne. Hope you enjoyed it.
P.S. Uncertainty about the Protagonist?s status within the agency gave me something to think about - I might want to revisit this part of the story. Much obliged.
Comment from Ric Myworld
With all the people I regularly read on site, I find little time these days to read new writers. But I'm glad someone tipped me off to check you out. To me, stories are about characters: not plot, theme, grammar, or mechanics. And no matter how polished someone's skills are, they must have story, which few do. You've got story! Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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With all the people I regularly read on site, I find little time these days to read new writers. But I'm glad someone tipped me off to check you out. To me, stories are about characters: not plot, theme, grammar, or mechanics. And no matter how polished someone's skills are, they must have story, which few do. You've got story! Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Ric, thank you dearly for taking the leap of faith and giving me a chance. Time is precious and I appreciate you sacrificing yours to read my stories. I am especially excited that you are now the second person who was "tipped off? about the new guy. Cannot imagine something more encouraging.
There?s a lot of work ahead of me with regards to SPAG, but as long as FanStory?s MVPs like you, Kay and Jay, take their time to give rookies like me advice, I believe I?ll do just fine. Here to listen and learn from the best.
Blessed & grateful.
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Well, you can certainly learn from Kay and Jay, as all of us can. But I have as much or more spag than anyone. And besides, I read right threw it, as I do with my own, if the writing is good, and yours certainly is. Can't wait to read more! :-)
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I sincerely hope that you intend to carry this on as a novella or novel, in my opinion it was outstanding and captivating. This is the sort of writing we need here on FS. kay
There were two minor problems: occasional use of simple past tense instead of past perfect, and for FS a larger font size would be a boon (many of us are elderly with weak eyes).
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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I sincerely hope that you intend to carry this on as a novella or novel, in my opinion it was outstanding and captivating. This is the sort of writing we need here on FS. kay
There were two minor problems: occasional use of simple past tense instead of past perfect, and for FS a larger font size would be a boon (many of us are elderly with weak eyes).
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Katherine, this means a lot to me. I barely picked up the pen a month ago and such feedbacks are only motivating me to keep holding it. Thank you very much for your kind words and I highly appreciate your remark on the pluperfect. Dully noted and I will put additional attention to not butcher the verb tenses. Katherine, again, thank you dearly and I wish you a fantastic week ahead.
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WOW! do not put your pen down, you can go a long way. kay
Comment from royowen
Firstly welcome to fanstory, it looks like you've been writing for awhile, although all the drafts made in the beginning need a little pruning, this is very good. A story of an ex intelligence officer, who is jaded by tragedy and constantly having to be on the alert, but a competent operator, well done. Blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Firstly welcome to fanstory, it looks like you've been writing for awhile, although all the drafts made in the beginning need a little pruning, this is very good. A story of an ex intelligence officer, who is jaded by tragedy and constantly having to be on the alert, but a competent operator, well done. Blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Dear Roy, thank you kindly for your words of encouragement. I've just recently (barely a month!) built up the courage to start writing something other than work-related reports. Wishing you a great week ahead, Sir.
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Good on you Bruce, it?s a good life writing, you?ll do well here.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congrats on your milestone post, Bruce! This is a great piece of horror fiction involving espionage, murder and a theme of revenge. To be honest I got a little lost in places as you whipped along with all your intensity. But there is no doubt about your ability to produce strongly evocative prose. Well done! Debbie
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Congrats on your milestone post, Bruce! This is a great piece of horror fiction involving espionage, murder and a theme of revenge. To be honest I got a little lost in places as you whipped along with all your intensity. But there is no doubt about your ability to produce strongly evocative prose. Well done! Debbie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023