Four Horse Island
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Searching the Ship"Marooned on an island with 4 horses and a goat
21 total reviews
Comment from Paul Manton
Good morning, WJD. You're somewhere near Martinique and Guadeloupe, in the French Antilles (or Caribbean) but no one for 10,000 miles speaks Maori I'm afraid, unless they sailed there from New Zealand. The languages you've got should be French and Creole.
I missed Ava's shipwreck in chapter one, but your notes are really helpful, so I didn't go back to the beginning.
The description of her thorough search was itself thorough - I was on board with her, hoping to hear a voice, and with her in pondering where on earth could everyone be? You kept the suspense going there really well.
I noticed how good your style was - particularly in some of the paragraph openers: at least three were rhetorical questions, and there was a lot of variation in the others; 'Air-conditioning welcomed me . . . ' was my favorite.
Your close to this chapter was intriguing: why should there be horses on this cruise ship - unless they were cargo, bound for a wealthy owner in the Antilles?
I look forward to the answer next time. Thank you too for the comprehensive notes. They really helped.
Paul
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Good morning, WJD. You're somewhere near Martinique and Guadeloupe, in the French Antilles (or Caribbean) but no one for 10,000 miles speaks Maori I'm afraid, unless they sailed there from New Zealand. The languages you've got should be French and Creole.
I missed Ava's shipwreck in chapter one, but your notes are really helpful, so I didn't go back to the beginning.
The description of her thorough search was itself thorough - I was on board with her, hoping to hear a voice, and with her in pondering where on earth could everyone be? You kept the suspense going there really well.
I noticed how good your style was - particularly in some of the paragraph openers: at least three were rhetorical questions, and there was a lot of variation in the others; 'Air-conditioning welcomed me . . . ' was my favorite.
Your close to this chapter was intriguing: why should there be horses on this cruise ship - unless they were cargo, bound for a wealthy owner in the Antilles?
I look forward to the answer next time. Thank you too for the comprehensive notes. They really helped.
Paul
Comment Written 25-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Paul,
I appreciate the information about the French Antilles. I guess I drew wrong conclusions from the Aranui literature. They have a Maori name and talk about Maori traditions. They do a sort of figure eight voyage from Tahiti to the Marshall Islands. It looks like the closest they get to New Zealand is the Marshall Islands and the loop they do between them and New Zealand. Still looks like at least 5000 miles to me. The literature says the crew speaks Maori on board . Now you have me wondering if they recruit from New Zealand. Or does this Japanese-owned line just like Maori? or does the marketing to French and German passengers make it sound more exotic? LOL
I will take out the references to Maori due to your comments.
Thank you so much for the information!
I appreciate the kind comments about the writing and the encouragement.
Have a wonderful day!
Debi
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There could be influence as close as 5000 miles, Debi, and it sounds like you did your research thoroughly, so don't be in a hurry to change anything if you think your source is correct. My comment on the two main languages of Guadeloupe and Martinique is correct though.
Best wishes, Paul
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I appreciate the follow-up, Paul. Thank you.
I wanted to give you a nomination for reviewing, but the system says I already nominated you this month.
Again. Thank you!
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Thanks, Debi. I always treasure those - but I am in the same boat by now.
Have a great week.
Paul
Comment from Ginda Simpson
This is so well written, that I was imagining you on this ship and how terrifying that would be. Since this is Chapter One, can I assume that I will be enjoying more of the story? Great work.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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This is so well written, that I was imagining you on this ship and how terrifying that would be. Since this is Chapter One, can I assume that I will be enjoying more of the story? Great work.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Ginda Simpson,
Thank you for the kind commenst and how you could imagine yourself on the ship. This is chapter 2, but more to come.
Debi
Comment from Spitfire
Well written as usual. How did the ship move from sea to land is a mystery to the reader as well as to the protagonist. Also, where did all the passengers go? After reading the notes, I'm wondering if you should include them in the content bit by bit?
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Well written as usual. How did the ship move from sea to land is a mystery to the reader as well as to the protagonist. Also, where did all the passengers go? After reading the notes, I'm wondering if you should include them in the content bit by bit?
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Shari,
Thank you so much for the six stars and your questions. Good point about including information about the ship into the content. Thank you for suggesting it.
Debi
Comment from Tom Horonzy
This is an interesting read. Educational? Not so much save for the idioms you shared by Einstein and Edison. His wild hair would have turned me off, but I was named after Tom, thus, he was fine.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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This is an interesting read. Educational? Not so much save for the idioms you shared by Einstein and Edison. His wild hair would have turned me off, but I was named after Tom, thus, he was fine.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Tom Horonzy,
LOL. Glad you liked the Thomas Edison quote and find the story interesting. Thank you for the kind comments.
Debi
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A second chapter to your book, very cool!
So far, no fantasy aspect, lol, but very good. As with earlier work, you show a talent for describing the scene and drawing your reader into it.
You, also, are good at bringing in details from the past into the present without having to spell out the back story.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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A second chapter to your book, very cool!
So far, no fantasy aspect, lol, but very good. As with earlier work, you show a talent for describing the scene and drawing your reader into it.
You, also, are good at bringing in details from the past into the present without having to spell out the back story.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Rhonda,
Thank you for the fun comments. (Sorry, not fantasy creatures in this one.) I appreciate the encouraging remarks about the writing.
Thank you for stopping by to look at this one.
Debi
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That's okay, I still have Piper!!
Comment from lyenochka
Fascinating situation. And the horses are heard but where are they - on the ship or on land? And how did the ship get on land? So many intriguing questions are prompted by this chapter. I guess you'll reveal more soon! I liked the sense of panic and yet the rational approach to sate a normal sense of hunger.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Fascinating situation. And the horses are heard but where are they - on the ship or on land? And how did the ship get on land? So many intriguing questions are prompted by this chapter. I guess you'll reveal more soon! I liked the sense of panic and yet the rational approach to sate a normal sense of hunger.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the six stars and questions. I am excited you want to read more. It is encouraging to hear.
Debi
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Glad you are posting this book, Debi!
Comment from royowen
How interesting, this story reminds me of the Marie Celeste, a small ship that was, for all intents and purposes, completely abandoned, with a meal on the table, found floating at seam bereft of life, with evidence that it had life, shortly before it was found. Cleverly written Debbie, great story, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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How interesting, this story reminds me of the Marie Celeste, a small ship that was, for all intents and purposes, completely abandoned, with a meal on the table, found floating at seam bereft of life, with evidence that it had life, shortly before it was found. Cleverly written Debbie, great story, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Roy,
The Marie Celeste story sounds spooky. I'll have to Google that one.
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the writing.
Debi
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Most welcome
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Your 1st per POV places the reader right there with you. It's creepy, and I'm wondering exactly what happened! I like that we're living through the aftermath of whatever with the protagonist. Horses? Are there horses on the ship? I guess we'll find out.
Very well-written, and I look forward to what comes next:-)
Pam
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Your 1st per POV places the reader right there with you. It's creepy, and I'm wondering exactly what happened! I like that we're living through the aftermath of whatever with the protagonist. Horses? Are there horses on the ship? I guess we'll find out.
Very well-written, and I look forward to what comes next:-)
Pam
Comment Written 23-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for the kind comments about the writing. I am encouraged that you want to read more.
Debi
Comment from BethShelby
To be the only human left on a boat after a severe story would be very scary. I guess if there are no humans then hourses would be better than nothing. I think it would a relieve to be surrounded by land rather than sea. I anxious to see where this story will go.
Beth
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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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To be the only human left on a boat after a severe story would be very scary. I guess if there are no humans then hourses would be better than nothing. I think it would a relieve to be surrounded by land rather than sea. I anxious to see where this story will go.
Beth
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi BethShelby,
Thank you for the kind comments about the writing and the story. I appreciate you stopping by.
Debi
Comment from JSD
An exciting and well written piece, compellingly described. With a great cliffhanger at the end. Well done; I look forward to the next episode.
John x
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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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An exciting and well written piece, compellingly described. With a great cliffhanger at the end. Well done; I look forward to the next episode.
John x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2023
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Hi John,
I appreciate the encouraging comments about the writing and the story. It is nice to hear you'd like to read more.
Debi