Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is an interesting chapter in what looks to be a very good story. Theo seems to be a fantasy character, or not. I want to read the rest of this so I will fan you. I very much like this beginning and found no errors.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Hi Carol, and thanks for reading and reviewing, my friend.

Theo is very real, but lives in a very secret valley with some interesting elements. The two will meet back up again.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

Rhonda, This is another very well written chapter. It was very interesting and full of great descriptive words and great dialogue. I look forward to the next chapter. love and blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Hi Teri!
Thanks for finding my end of the week chapter. I got behind, and I spent a lot of time trying to introduce a new turn of the book.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by Teri7 on 15-Jul-2023

You are so welcome my friend! 😊💕❤️

Comment from Liz O'Neill

Excellent

Tis aspect will give the reader cause to pause: "But, you don't have a phone.""I don't need one."
This is an interesting perspective. Now the reader will be saddened. " The help he'd hoped for had arrived, but it was bittersweet." But will they ever connect again. Great fodder for future chapters. I like you humor: ""No," Brian said, "that I inherited from you."

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Liz, you are so kind to review my chapter so carefully! You can?t imagine how helpful that is, or I guess you probably do. At any rate, it really helps me.
Take care,
Rhonda

reply by Liz O'Neill on 15-Jul-2023

I was a junior high writing teacher so I love reviewing on here. There is so much variety and so much talent

reply by the author on 15-Jul-2023

I teach high school science, so I get it about looking for talent in unusual places.

reply by Liz O'Neill on 15-Jul-2023

***LOL***

Comment from Loretta Bigg

Excellent

This looks to be a very interesting read. I like how the two stories intertwine. Maybe just give us a little more hint faster that it's the new one because I was confused at first, even after reading the notes.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Okay, thanks. I?ll do that. Thank you so much for the review.

Comment from Mike Stevens

Excellent

Another fine chapter, Rhonda----and it still amazes and makes me angry at myself for not having a motivation like yours. I should have, but alas, tis not the case

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Again, Mike, you write every day. I post once a week. It evens out in the end. I love your work!

Comment from prettybluebirds

Excellent

I was wondering when your next chapter would appear on FanStory. I am enjoying this story very much. The dialogue is great, and the descriptions are well done. Nice writing.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Thank you so much for reviewing the chapter. I was a bit late posting this week, lol. I was finishing up a quilt I was making and fell behind!

Take care, my friend, and thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

It's good that Echo was rescued by her grandparents, and is now all grown up, somehow I don't think Theo is out of the picture, and the little bear. He was painted in there for a reason, as is the bear. I know this heart warming story will be a joy to read Rhonda, well done blessing Roy

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Hi Roy, you are so perceptive! Theo and bear will certainly re-emerge, but not until her need is great.

Thanks for your review, my friend,
Rhonda

reply by royowen on 15-Jul-2023

Bless you

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Hi Rhonda, I was a bit surprised when the story jumped to Echo as an adult reporter. But your note are very comprehensive and helpful so that was great. Your story reads very well and I felt quite sorry for Theo at the end of the first part. I hope and expect to see him again. Meanwhile the search for the serial killer continues. Looking forward to discovering more in your very engaging story. No noticeable errors. Well done! Debbie

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Hi Debbie, thank you for your helpful review. I went back and added in a paragraph to transition and I?m happier with it.

I so love the way we can hone each other?s work on this site. That?s so helpful. I would love it if you could see if the transition helps.

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 15-Jul-2023

That's absolutely perfect now, Rhonda! It's just that, with your notes explaining the background so well and your story reading so fluently to quite a poignant ending, the jump to the present for me seemed a bit abrupt and disjointed. I think you've done a fine job on the transition. Well done!

reply by the author on 15-Jul-2023

Debbie, thank you so much for going back and checking for me. We often know what?s in our heads, but communicating that to others can be a challenge!
Hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I'm wondering if Theo and Echo are going to meet again. I sure hope so. I like this story.

Brian, a tall good-looking young man spoke up. (comma after 'up')

Claude Mart?" he said. "As much a (comma after 'said')

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Hi Barbara! Thanks for your review. They will certainly meet again. I think I need to transition better, though. I appreciate you!

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

Oh, I am glad that Echo was found and reunited with her family, though I will miss Theo teaching her how to move through the trees. He was a wonderful caretaker.
Now she is grown up and a journalist investigating a serial killer, and super hardware store openings.
The new characters seem like a good group, especially the boss. A tough, tender-hearted guy.
It will be interesting to see when Echo encounters Theo again. There are all sorts of possibilities.
Thanks for sharing your story.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Jul-2023

Hi, Debi, thank you for reviewing this chapter. I was a little late posting this week, but that's how it goes sometimes...

Theo will show up again, but there will be some intervening events before he does. Thanks for keeping track of the characters.

Hugs,
Rhonda