Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Excellent

I'm glad to start in on the beginning of your book. I'm not versed in golf, but am enjoying your enthusiasm for the sport. Adding in definitions of your golfing terminology is helpful for newbies like me.

Great hook at the beginning!

Take care,
Rhonda

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023

Thank you so much, Rhonda. I hope to try to keep it interesting even for non-golfers (which most of my readers here are.) Pretty soon we will view the origin of the game, so we'll all learn about it together.

Comment from Julie Lau

Excellent

Hi Jim! I'm very glad to see you have started a new book, and it's is interesting that this one is set in the future. Do I foresee some political struggles and corruption? Well, I'll see, won't I? And how will the prologue fit in? Hmm. Julie L

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023

Thanks, Julie. There will be a few surprises in this story, but it will be a while before we see how the prologue fits in.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Well, I kept reading, even though I am not into golf! A sign of interesting writing. Maybe I will be into golf after a few more chapters. A clever hook to start off with something so dramatic, and then to go back in time to two years previously. Well written.
Wendy

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023

Great! I appreciate that. This book will go way back to the beginnings of the game, so we will all learn about it together. I'm hoping it will appeal to non-golfers like yourself. Thanks for the encouraging words, Wendy.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I'm guessing we'll learn lots about golf and golf terms from this book. It seems we'll also learn more about your political views. This probably was written before the huge amount of snow and rain that California got recently. I wonder if the climate trend will continue that way and that your gold courses will be saved. Great start of your book especially the dramatic fall from the cliff and then backing up two years.

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023

Nah, I'm done with politics now. The story is actually being written right now; this is a first draft.

Part of the story will be about the earliest origins of the game, so we'll all learn about the game and the terminology together. I'm hoping it will appeal to non-golfers here on FS, although if I ever try to publish this book, the target market will be golfers.

reply by lyenochka on 30-Jun-2023

Okay! It might even get me to try put-put golf! 😊

reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023

Good! Putt-putt can be great fun, especially with grandkids.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

A two-parter here. Both excellently written as ever. But I really want to know what happened to the two in the cart. And then you go and tease us by moving back two years. So great construction of story to get us hooked in. Always with the golf backdrop of course but I think I'm up to the challenge. Good dialogue here building characters and generally entertaining. No complaints. Thanks for sharing, Jim. Debbie

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023

I'm so glad you've found the story and enjoying it, Debbie. Are you a golfer or have much familiarity with the game? It won't really matter either way because part of the story will be historical fiction going back to the founding of the game, so we'll all be in the same boat as we learn how it began. I'm hoping it will maintain your interest. There will be a few surprises.

Thank you so much for your great review.

Comment from Alexandra Trovato

Excellent

You did a good job with this Jim! I know nothing about golf I don't even enjoy golf I only like to mini golf at first but I was interested in your story. enjoyed reading your Chapter. I wish I would have read it before I entered mine. You are seasoned competition and I'm just half an egg. lol
I laugh when I'm nervous but honestly I'm so happy to be around people that are good writers, as I'm trying to be a better and better writer myself. that's why they know how to write and another thing knowing how to write for an audience that wants to read your book or a story.

just so you know I have read your other golf stories on the site but I never know how to put it into words I don't know golf language and I don't know how to express the golf part so I've been intimidated to write something. but it does seem to be your niche. I read in one of your others notes that you had lived in Long Island and play golf there? I was there all through my teen years and going into delford in Long Island. We lived in Shirley I know don't know if I expressed that to you. for my Master's I graduated from Dowling College they would know. I'm repeating myself forgive me I have a bad brain. :/ reading this made me go back and do even more editing on my images it could take even more still but I just want to let you know that's what I did. I think that you do a good job with them dialogue and the quotations. and if anyone can make coughing fun you have! Excellent writing! And best wishes!

Oh by the way, when I first went miniature golfing, a pencil went through the score card, and I said they're my friend, "Does it's kind of a hole in one?" A whole was in the score card. so I didn't have in golf skills I had in, Cheesey Humor! lol

Your friend,

Alex :))

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023

Alex, what a sweet and humorous review. I am just delighted you have been following and enjoying my golf stories, and I'm very happy you chose to write a review. Please don't let the fact that you are not a golfer nor know very much about the game keep you from a review now and then. Most of the folks following the stories aren't golfers either, and I'm very pleased all of you have been enjoying them anyway. I was hoping they would have a wider audience than just golfers.

I'm originally from Port Washington on the north shore of Long Island in Nassau County. I lived there for 21 years until I moved to Michigan for the next 40, then to North Carolina for the last 10. I played many courses on Long Island including Bethpage Black about 5 times. That's where they've held some pro tournaments.

The current story will be partly historical fiction and will delve into the history of the game of golf from the very beginning, so we'll all be in the same boat as we explore this. I hope you will continue reading and finding it entertaining. And once again, please don't hesitate to write and let me know your thoughts. Your friend, Jim

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this post with us. It's a good read, and I can't wait for more.

Now a national holiday since Gavin Newsom had been elected president in 2032. (More scary than going off the cliff in the prologue.)

He sauntered in at 11:20, came over, and sat down. (you can omit 'down')

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023

That certainly is a scary thought, and I hope it never comes to pass, though I fear that it may someday.

Incidentally, no need to point out my use of up and down anymore with sat or stood. I've made the decision to keep using them. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, but I do appreciate your other suggestions for grammatical changes.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 29-Jun-2023

I'll try to remember that. Just letting you know what an editor told me. I truly could care less. It's how we speak, but narrative is different.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

We're off for another adventure using golf as the background, and looking like the couple in the cart are heading for a sticky end, but like many modern stories, the beginning is the ending, but then pulls back a couple of years, beautifully written Jim, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023

Thanks so much, Roy. Quite a bit of this story will take place in the past, but hopefully it will be worth the wait until we're back in the present.

reply by royowen on 29-Jun-2023

Well done

Comment from JSD

Excellent

Intriguing. Who doesn't adore redheads? I like the way you can tell a story involving golf without the golf getting in the way. This is a most effective and enjoyable narrative.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023

Thanks so much, J. I hope you are right about the golf and that the story will have a wider appeal than just golfers. I did find that to be the case on my first two novels that I presented on FanStory, where most of the readers were non-golfers.

Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

Good morning Jim,
I am so not into golf but I read your story anyway...
My only suggestion is that you begin your story with something that pulls the reader in....They say that the first 5 lines are critical in capturing the readers attention...
Perhaps instead of starting off with I, you might want to start off with your last paragraph in your prologue.... Which is exciting and doesn't immediately let the reader know what is going on.
As a writer, I often move a better paragraph to the beginning of my story...Changing things after writing a story is so difficult for a writer... But I have learned to do it.
Just my two cents ...
Lisa

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023

That's good advice, Lisa. I'm usually a little more patient than the first 5 lines, though. I want to build the suspense a little before hitting them with a surprise. Agents and publishers say that your first 10 pages need to grab the reader, otherwise you may lose them before they can appreciate the story. I think that's probably a reasonable criteria, although I usually give a book at least 30 pages before I drop it for lack of interest.

reply by Lisasview on 29-Jun-2023

From what I know the first fives lines are important as they pull the reader in then you need to continue grabbing your readers attention for the next 5 or 10 pages.
Lisa