I Shant Forget
Turning Twenty-one, a night ...17 total reviews
Comment from Mary Vigasin
While just a fantasy event, I found it delightful, saucy and I thought it would be a great time for a father and son to celebrate his 21st birthday. Although he found for every pleasure, there is a price to pay when he opened his eyes the next morning.
Great story . I never thought I would be seeing such a show, but I did in your words.
Mary
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
  |
While just a fantasy event, I found it delightful, saucy and I thought it would be a great time for a father and son to celebrate his 21st birthday. Although he found for every pleasure, there is a price to pay when he opened his eyes the next morning.
Great story . I never thought I would be seeing such a show, but I did in your words.
Mary
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
Your last comment had me understand that substance is the purpose of writing. Thank you.
Comment from BethShelby
You wanted this for a fantasy contest. It is excellent free verse and I thought I thought it was the way your father actually helped you celebrate your 21st birthday. It wouldn't have given him an excuse to go there. I'm not sure what you meant by a thousand words, unless your were joking. I would have assumed it wasn't much more than a hundred.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
|
You wanted this for a fantasy contest. It is excellent free verse and I thought I thought it was the way your father actually helped you celebrate your 21st birthday. It wouldn't have given him an excuse to go there. I'm not sure what you meant by a thousand words, unless your were joking. I would have assumed it wasn't much more than a hundred.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
Nor did I but I reviewed what WordCount indicated last eve, and ... oops it was the amount of characters. My bad. Good point.
Nah. Dad was oppose of doing much with me, and when I graduated at seventeen I was off to see the world in the Navy for ten years.
Comment from jmdg1954
Sounds like quite the night, Tom. Can-can, short hems, seeing the previously before unseen during those high arching kicks!
Even when you drank and sank (love those lines)...
Excellent post.
John
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
|
Sounds like quite the night, Tom. Can-can, short hems, seeing the previously before unseen during those high arching kicks!
Even when you drank and sank (love those lines)...
Excellent post.
John
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
Thanks John but keep in mind this was a fantasy. By seventeen I had enlisted and was headed upon the seas.
Comment from Wendy G
That must have been quite an initiation for you, and your father enjoyed the experience of watching you move from boyhood to manhood. A lively rolicking free verse which captures the scene very well.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
|
That must have been quite an initiation for you, and your father enjoyed the experience of watching you move from boyhood to manhood. A lively rolicking free verse which captures the scene very well.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
It was, keep in mind, a fantasy. Thanks. By seventeen I had enlisted and was headed upon the seas.
Comment from K.I. Betancur
A father and his son should always have at least one moment in their lifetime like this. Not necessarily this exact moment, haha, but one that metaphorically turns a boy into a man - for example, the son having their first drink.
Love what you did here, excellent use of detail.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
|
A father and his son should always have at least one moment in their lifetime like this. Not necessarily this exact moment, haha, but one that metaphorically turns a boy into a man - for example, the son having their first drink.
Love what you did here, excellent use of detail.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
Thanks but keep in mind this was a fantasy. By seventeen, I realized Dad would never be a pal to me. So, I enlisted and was headed out to see the world.
-
That's a real shame. I wondered to myself what the "fantasy" part was. Even still, my statement's made in general: A father SHOULD have this kind of moment with their son, but only a father who steps up to the plate to be a father and not just provide his genetic material.
Comment from Yardier
Well now, a great rambling of lust blooming.
Good thing your father was there to keep you in check, for no doubt he had experienced the can-can high kick first hand.
Who knows, perhaps the chorus in his head inspired your conception.
So then, another poet born seeking meter and rhyme while plucking heart strings of memory and perhaps desire...
Good write, my friend.
All the best, Yard
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
|
Well now, a great rambling of lust blooming.
Good thing your father was there to keep you in check, for no doubt he had experienced the can-can high kick first hand.
Who knows, perhaps the chorus in his head inspired your conception.
So then, another poet born seeking meter and rhyme while plucking heart strings of memory and perhaps desire...
Good write, my friend.
All the best, Yard
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
Nice to meet you Yardier. Is that moniker a family nickname?
Please keep in mind this was a fantasy. By seventeen I had enlisted and was headed upon the seas. Dad and I never did see eye-to-eye until I left for the Navy.
-
Hello Tom. I know the father son conflict quite well. The day I turned 18 I went down to the draft board and volunteered. Thirty days later I was in Uncle Sam's army headed to Vietnam.
Yardier is just a nom de plume I use when on line. I plan to drop it when published.
-
Two peas in a pod
Kitty cruiser Apr ?65
Boot camp June 13th
The day after graduation
I was seventeen
-
Two peas in a pod
Kitty cruiser Apr ?65
Boot camp June 13th
The day after graduation
I was seventeen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A Parisian night to remember here at the Moulin Rouge! Or is this just pure fantasy Tom? These shows are risqué and popular. I enjoyed your poem, it is lively and provocative, intimidating and naughty. It sounds like the Father here enjoyed seeing his son's surprise and reviled in his innocence, much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
|
A Parisian night to remember here at the Moulin Rouge! Or is this just pure fantasy Tom? These shows are risqué and popular. I enjoyed your poem, it is lively and provocative, intimidating and naughty. It sounds like the Father here enjoyed seeing his son's surprise and reviled in his innocence, much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2023
-
Thanks Dolly but this was a fantasy written for a contest that I had no time to expand to 2000 words. Still, it has over a thousand characters.
By seventeen I had enlisted and was headed upon the seas.
