Love and Loss
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Night Terror"NaPoWriMo April Poetry Contest
28 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Congratulations on your Milestone, Jessica! How well you are doing on FanStory! I am loving your poetry. This one is different than the others but one we all can relate to. Nightmares can be so real, like this one portrayed, and hang on for days.
Stunning and emotionally gripping, and aptly illustrated. I think my pulse increased!
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best for the rhyming poetry contest.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Congratulations on your Milestone, Jessica! How well you are doing on FanStory! I am loving your poetry. This one is different than the others but one we all can relate to. Nightmares can be so real, like this one portrayed, and hang on for days.
Stunning and emotionally gripping, and aptly illustrated. I think my pulse increased!
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best for the rhyming poetry contest.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Thank you, Sally! I appreciate your feedback, as always! Sorry for the scare lol
<3
Jess
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Jessica,
This is a dark poem that seems to be about a person who can't get past trauma. Nightmares keep reminding her of terrors maybe of sexual attack or abuse. It does sound like some help from friends or a professional is needed to keep this from running and ruling her life. The puppet on strings is a good metaphor.
I also like the internal rhyme. I did notice that there is one stanza that doesn't rhyme, Was that done purposefully?
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck in the contest and congrats on your milestone post.
Joan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Hi Jessica,
This is a dark poem that seems to be about a person who can't get past trauma. Nightmares keep reminding her of terrors maybe of sexual attack or abuse. It does sound like some help from friends or a professional is needed to keep this from running and ruling her life. The puppet on strings is a good metaphor.
I also like the internal rhyme. I did notice that there is one stanza that doesn't rhyme, Was that done purposefully?
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck in the contest and congrats on your milestone post.
Joan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your review, Joan! This is meant to represent the clinical "night terrors" associated with PTSD. Although the subject's disorder is from experiencing the death of a loved one, I intended touch on a few other traumatic experiences which cause the same disorder. I didn't intend to leave one unrhymed, I will revisit to see where that is and revise! Thanks so
much, Joan!
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You're very welcome, Jessica. PTSD is a disorder that can be brought on by war and other forms of trauma. It is real, though for some time it was sadly ignored.
Joan
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
Your use of repetition and a strong rhythm are very effective in conveying
fear and desperation caused by nightmares. You also convey the experiences of post-traumatic stress, suffered by many ex-military men and women!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Your use of repetition and a strong rhythm are very effective in conveying
fear and desperation caused by nightmares. You also convey the experiences of post-traumatic stress, suffered by many ex-military men and women!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Thanks so much, Sarah!!
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Best wishes!
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Oh wow! Powerful, intriguing and deeply moving. This one reaches with a loud pull on my memory. This could be an internal and/or external write of pain, loss, fear and hard experience. Nothing of which are easy at all. Thank you for sharing! Yes having said all have no issues with your grammar set instructor spelling or subject matter in your phone. I also find this aesthetically pleasing with a cool picture and it touched me deeply well deserved of 6 stars. Congratulations on your milestone great work! I hope you have a great night!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Oh wow! Powerful, intriguing and deeply moving. This one reaches with a loud pull on my memory. This could be an internal and/or external write of pain, loss, fear and hard experience. Nothing of which are easy at all. Thank you for sharing! Yes having said all have no issues with your grammar set instructor spelling or subject matter in your phone. I also find this aesthetically pleasing with a cool picture and it touched me deeply well deserved of 6 stars. Congratulations on your milestone great work! I hope you have a great night!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Lea, thank you so much!!!
Comment from royowen
This is a terrific post Jessica, it's not easy to fashion a poem with internal ryne, especially if it's a new thing. Just keep in mind that a theme is a journey, going in a definite direction with a logical conclusion, irrespective how clever it may be. Unless, of course it's abstract. This is a well written work, blessings Roy
Suggestion : fear pounds the chest. 2: toward the sun. 3: without a tale.
4: assigned your room. 5: Night terror looms in varied rooms. 6: Of one's abuse.
7: Alone is spent 8: From trauma's war.9: When limbs were cost.10 : Each night this room.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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This is a terrific post Jessica, it's not easy to fashion a poem with internal ryne, especially if it's a new thing. Just keep in mind that a theme is a journey, going in a definite direction with a logical conclusion, irrespective how clever it may be. Unless, of course it's abstract. This is a well written work, blessings Roy
Suggestion : fear pounds the chest. 2: toward the sun. 3: without a tale.
4: assigned your room. 5: Night terror looms in varied rooms. 6: Of one's abuse.
7: Alone is spent 8: From trauma's war.9: When limbs were cost.10 : Each night this room.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Roy, thank you so much for your review and very valuable feedback. Those are excellent suggestions. I am going to revise. I truly appreciate it!
<3
Jessica
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My pleasure Jessica.
Comment from Alan Tryens
Jessica, your rhyming is incredible. Your words create such a ghostly picture. You should win that rhyming contest and any one who disagrees should have to spend a night in that room you write about. Good job!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Jessica, your rhyming is incredible. Your words create such a ghostly picture. You should win that rhyming contest and any one who disagrees should have to spend a night in that room you write about. Good job!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Haha I love that. Thank you so much!
<3
Jessica
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was the perfect poem to show how post traumatic stress feels. It's not so much the loud noises that get people. It's the quiet, when the brain is left to roam to dark places. The dark feeds the imagination and not in a good way. I liked the rhythmic feel of this. It was like falling into a nightmarish rabbit hole. Well written. Gretchen
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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This was the perfect poem to show how post traumatic stress feels. It's not so much the loud noises that get people. It's the quiet, when the brain is left to roam to dark places. The dark feeds the imagination and not in a good way. I liked the rhythmic feel of this. It was like falling into a nightmarish rabbit hole. Well written. Gretchen
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much, Gretchen! I appreciate your insightful feedback.
<3
Jessica
Comment from shelley kaye
omg nightmares and night terrors are the worst!
this was an excellent poem describing them
smooth flow and strong message
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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omg nightmares and night terrors are the worst!
this was an excellent poem describing them
smooth flow and strong message
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you, Shelley!
Comment from Jim Wile
Congratulations on your 50th post, Jessica. You've reached this milestone with a beautiful, haunting, frightening poem of going to sleep and facing unpleasant dreams. It's quite a shame really, that folks are bothered at night during sleep, when their bodies and souls should be recuperating from the stresses of the day, only to be forced to relive many of the events which may have created those stresses in the first place.
I wonder what peace you might offer to be rid of the things that haunt you, especially the loss of your sister? If you figure it out, let us know. Jim
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Congratulations on your 50th post, Jessica. You've reached this milestone with a beautiful, haunting, frightening poem of going to sleep and facing unpleasant dreams. It's quite a shame really, that folks are bothered at night during sleep, when their bodies and souls should be recuperating from the stresses of the day, only to be forced to relive many of the events which may have created those stresses in the first place.
I wonder what peace you might offer to be rid of the things that haunt you, especially the loss of your sister? If you figure it out, let us know. Jim
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Time will tell, Jim! Thank you so much for your feedback!
<3
Jessica
Comment from Ricky1024
I like your depth of grief in this Jessica Wheeler.
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
And that's what attracted me.
That as a Specialist.
Specifically, testifying when it comes to these particular thoughts.
Thoughts brought and captured.
Reflective backwards brought.
...
This also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Yes, this Quest at Best with the Grief.
No matter how long ago or Brief?
For this Latter-day Saint Priest.
When only continued love for my son Jay eye sought.
Now blinded!
That long ago Time had brought.
...
When all I ever thought?
Was perhaps for a split moment in time?
There would be no reason to write or rhyme?
No reason to journal away my pain.
Because on this Earth my son would still remain.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
"Still Preaching to the Choir here at Fanstory"
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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I like your depth of grief in this Jessica Wheeler.
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
And that's what attracted me.
That as a Specialist.
Specifically, testifying when it comes to these particular thoughts.
Thoughts brought and captured.
Reflective backwards brought.
...
This also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Yes, this Quest at Best with the Grief.
No matter how long ago or Brief?
For this Latter-day Saint Priest.
When only continued love for my son Jay eye sought.
Now blinded!
That long ago Time had brought.
...
When all I ever thought?
Was perhaps for a split moment in time?
There would be no reason to write or rhyme?
No reason to journal away my pain.
Because on this Earth my son would still remain.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
"Still Preaching to the Choir here at Fanstory"
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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I am so humbled by your review and compliment thank you so much! I am very moved by your words.