Comment from Jim Wile

Excellent

This was a great first chapter, Wayne. It starts with a nice hook, introduces your main characters, and hints at a love story in the offing.

Since you asked, I believe it would be an even a more effective opening if you had put the description of the town a little later, and begun with a more complete description of the drunk vomiting all over Livvy. You broke this up and sandwiched the description of the town between it, but I think if you kept much of it together before the description of the town, it would be more impactful.

One other minor and very common error that everyone seems to do: In the phrase, "or in those that did," it should be "who" instead of "that" as you are speaking of a person.

All-in-all, a great start to this western story. Jim

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 Comment Written 14-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023

Thank you. And yes, I often make the who/that error.
Thank you for the great review.