Quick Reads
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Old Lady"A Flash Fiction Collection
35 total reviews
Comment from Terry Broxson
I like this story. You have a nice intriguing plot line. I would like for it to be a bit longer. I would suggest maybe a little more backstory on Mildred or Robbie. As a reader, I know there is a motive. But I don't know much except Mildred thinks the cops did her wrong. I would like to know a little more about why. Then I think I might like her better.
Just one old guy's opinion. Terry.
  |
I like this story. You have a nice intriguing plot line. I would like for it to be a bit longer. I would suggest maybe a little more backstory on Mildred or Robbie. As a reader, I know there is a motive. But I don't know much except Mildred thinks the cops did her wrong. I would like to know a little more about why. Then I think I might like her better.
Just one old guy's opinion. Terry.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
In such a short extract, this managed to absorb me in the drama and tension of the scene. The vulnerability of the old lady accentuated the callous violence of the murder and the general chaos that ensued around her. Thanks for sharing, Debbie
|
In such a short extract, this managed to absorb me in the drama and tension of the scene. The vulnerability of the old lady accentuated the callous violence of the murder and the general chaos that ensued around her. Thanks for sharing, Debbie
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
Comment from Jane Jane King
Very quirky and entertaining story. Mildred was an entity unto herself. Well done...much enjoyed. The last line is a perfect ending and rounds everything out beautifully. well done.
|
Very quirky and entertaining story. Mildred was an entity unto herself. Well done...much enjoyed. The last line is a perfect ending and rounds everything out beautifully. well done.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
Comment from pome lover
I can't think of the real term for that kind of story, but it;s a "goodun'."
It makes me wonder what went through your mind to come up with it.
It's a great flash fiction with a perfect villain. well done.
Katharine
|
I can't think of the real term for that kind of story, but it;s a "goodun'."
It makes me wonder what went through your mind to come up with it.
It's a great flash fiction with a perfect villain. well done.
Katharine
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
This imaginative story tells us that sometimes you CAN get away with murder. Even though the outcome is partially predictable when Jackson first meets the old lady, it's fun to follow the story to the unpredictable part where Nix is also shot. This would make a great episode on the TV shows 'Monk,' 'Colombo,' and 'Law and Order.'
|
This imaginative story tells us that sometimes you CAN get away with murder. Even though the outcome is partially predictable when Jackson first meets the old lady, it's fun to follow the story to the unpredictable part where Nix is also shot. This would make a great episode on the TV shows 'Monk,' 'Colombo,' and 'Law and Order.'
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good job. Very nicely written.
I think that the only thing I would consider changing is the location of the shot. It seems every cop I see anywhere, even here in rural Arkansas, where's a safety vest. Maybe because the cop trusts her, she can squeeze a round under his arm pit?
Best wishes.
|
Good job. Very nicely written.
I think that the only thing I would consider changing is the location of the shot. It seems every cop I see anywhere, even here in rural Arkansas, where's a safety vest. Maybe because the cop trusts her, she can squeeze a round under his arm pit?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job showing how to compose a true
flash fiction story, Lance. All the elements needed for
a complete story were given to readers in dialogue and
action.
I have one question ~ how did Mildred know those policemen
who arrived would be the ones she wanted revenge on?
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
|
You did a great job showing how to compose a true
flash fiction story, Lance. All the elements needed for
a complete story were given to readers in dialogue and
action.
I have one question ~ how did Mildred know those policemen
who arrived would be the ones she wanted revenge on?
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
-
Thank you very much.
She didn't. And it did matter. They were cops. That was enough.
-
Ok, understood..
Comment from CrystieCookie999
What a scene of double irony going on here. It seems Mildred, the senior citizen, was more than an innocent bystander this time around, and it seems she achieved her goal of revenge, or perhaps justice in her mind. Jackson and Nix never suspected a thing. I wasn't sure where the surname 'Nix' came from. If it was supposed to be Asian, I had no idea which country that might be from. I would suggest changing it to a more identifiable Asian surname.
|
What a scene of double irony going on here. It seems Mildred, the senior citizen, was more than an innocent bystander this time around, and it seems she achieved her goal of revenge, or perhaps justice in her mind. Jackson and Nix never suspected a thing. I wasn't sure where the surname 'Nix' came from. If it was supposed to be Asian, I had no idea which country that might be from. I would suggest changing it to a more identifiable Asian surname.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from mermaids
I enjoyed reading your tale about Mildred. You show in your words how we stereotype people. After all, a frail old lady would not be shooting a gun at people or so we think. I also like the ending when the police officer is escorting Mildred the shooter, a perfect ending. Excellent writing with good character development and a unique tale here.
|
I enjoyed reading your tale about Mildred. You show in your words how we stereotype people. After all, a frail old lady would not be shooting a gun at people or so we think. I also like the ending when the police officer is escorting Mildred the shooter, a perfect ending. Excellent writing with good character development and a unique tale here.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
Comment from damommy
I may be wrong, but I think the officers were responsible for her Robbie's death, and she has exacted revenge for that. Everyone passed her up as she left, and even helped her across the street. That's a touch of humor for you.
|
I may be wrong, but I think the officers were responsible for her Robbie's death, and she has exacted revenge for that. Everyone passed her up as she left, and even helped her across the street. That's a touch of humor for you.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023