Ancient Art of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Sorceress "A compilation of poems
15 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I love this unusual and inventive write and I hope you don't mind me making a few suggestions for you Lea? I adore the uniqueness of each of these lines with the emphasis on the end of each line. This makes this poem different and pleasing.
Firstly, the punctuation to give more power to those endings, my suggestion is to separate them with a comma. eg:
(On top of her broom and into my room(,) she flew).
Secondly, I would keep the syllable count for each line the same, this will give your poem much more rhythm, and the lines will flow better.
You have mixed metre, which is fine as it reads smoothly, you have alternated the metre in the first stanza, iambic and trochaic, and I would suggest you do the same for each stanza which means you will have four lines for each. Your poem is about balance and this will balance your poem. The couplet at the end is fine with just two lines.
A suggestion for this line as it is short on syllables, but once you decide on how many syllables per line you want to stick with, then you can alter it accordingly.
(And into gloom must go in my room then go.....)
And into the gloom, I will enter my room, and then go . . . .
Of course this is your poem and you can completely disregard my suggestions as we all have different ideas when it comes to poetry, I thought this would help give your poem more impact.
You have an amazing talent Lea, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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I love this unusual and inventive write and I hope you don't mind me making a few suggestions for you Lea? I adore the uniqueness of each of these lines with the emphasis on the end of each line. This makes this poem different and pleasing.
Firstly, the punctuation to give more power to those endings, my suggestion is to separate them with a comma. eg:
(On top of her broom and into my room(,) she flew).
Secondly, I would keep the syllable count for each line the same, this will give your poem much more rhythm, and the lines will flow better.
You have mixed metre, which is fine as it reads smoothly, you have alternated the metre in the first stanza, iambic and trochaic, and I would suggest you do the same for each stanza which means you will have four lines for each. Your poem is about balance and this will balance your poem. The couplet at the end is fine with just two lines.
A suggestion for this line as it is short on syllables, but once you decide on how many syllables per line you want to stick with, then you can alter it accordingly.
(And into gloom must go in my room then go.....)
And into the gloom, I will enter my room, and then go . . . .
Of course this is your poem and you can completely disregard my suggestions as we all have different ideas when it comes to poetry, I thought this would help give your poem more impact.
You have an amazing talent Lea, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Hi Dolly yes perfect thank you so much for those suggestions very very good I'm going to implement them right away excellent you are the best thank you,!
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You are most welcome x x x
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I have completed it a couple extra lines corrected the quotations and comments dropped a word here and there looks much better thank you Dolly for your advice was very very helpful!
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Wow! That is so much better Lea and you made the changes so quickly. Just one small suggestion here: And into (the) gloom I'll enter my room, then go.
For the sake of metre.
Fabulous, love Dolly x
Comment from JT traveller
Great poem. Very passionately expressed.
One small suggestion,
"...I've simply give it giving it characters."
Perhaps in your author's notes change the word give?
Thankyou for expressing your inner demons with such clarity.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Great poem. Very passionately expressed.
One small suggestion,
"...I've simply give it giving it characters."
Perhaps in your author's notes change the word give?
Thankyou for expressing your inner demons with such clarity.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much I appreciate your words and your advice I will definitely make that change sounds better and thank you for taking the time to read hope you have a great night!!
Comment from Aussie
Good luck with your contest entry; it trots along, rhyming all the way. How can a human defeat a demon in any way? Take the sword of Gideon and cut her head off? Like Medusa she will grow more. Just turn the TV on -- Hee, Hee. K xx
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Good luck with your contest entry; it trots along, rhyming all the way. How can a human defeat a demon in any way? Take the sword of Gideon and cut her head off? Like Medusa she will grow more. Just turn the TV on -- Hee, Hee. K xx
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Thank you Kay...lol. Yes you're right!! Let's go find Perseus! Thank you for your review! I'm glad u like!
Comment from Carlie Beth
This is amazing! The picture goes well with the poem too. The rhyming and story telling is exceptional!!! Wonderful job!!! Keep writing! You are amazing! ��
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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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This is amazing! The picture goes well with the poem too. The rhyming and story telling is exceptional!!! Wonderful job!!! Keep writing! You are amazing! ��
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Thank you I'm so happy that you like it thank you for the most awesome review it was great put a big grin on my face. I feel very humbled that you like it so well so thanks again and have a great evening!
Comment from Brandon Clark
I think you have a serious contender in this for the contest! It is interesting and has many ways that it rhymes without sounding forced or making it hard to follow. I think you got just the right balance here.
Great Job! And best of luck in the contest!
Brandon
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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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I think you have a serious contender in this for the contest! It is interesting and has many ways that it rhymes without sounding forced or making it hard to follow. I think you got just the right balance here.
Great Job! And best of luck in the contest!
Brandon
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Brandon thank you so very much for the awesome review!' im so glad you liked it ! it's a little bit of a stretch for me but we got a spread our wing sometimes right? Thx again!
