Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Tainted"Musing of an old man
21 total reviews
Comment from royowen
An excellent post Jim, the octelle is difficult inas much that needs personification of the theme and a difficult rhyme, strict in its application, but as Leah's a great job, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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An excellent post Jim, the octelle is difficult inas much that needs personification of the theme and a difficult rhyme, strict in its application, but as Leah's a great job, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you Roy, I trust you are well, sir!
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I?m fine thanks Jim, you?
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Quite well, thank you!
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That?s great
Comment from karenina
I've reached that point when I receive fan notification that you've posted, I happily anticipate the read!
I like the Octelle form, and you've executed it well...
My only suggestion might be to change "shot" to "shoot" -- in my interpretation of this poem this "vixen" continues to be "Tainted!"
Of course, you've got that poetic license...so you're in the driver's seat!
Smile
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I've reached that point when I receive fan notification that you've posted, I happily anticipate the read!
I like the Octelle form, and you've executed it well...
My only suggestion might be to change "shot" to "shoot" -- in my interpretation of this poem this "vixen" continues to be "Tainted!"
Of course, you've got that poetic license...so you're in the driver's seat!
Smile
Karenina
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Karenina, what a kind thing to say, I am humbled. Ad yes, of course shoot is most certainly appropriate.
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It's very true. I smile when I see a notification you've posted!
Comment from Janet Foor
Another poetic from that I am not familiar with but after reading your notes, I do believe you nailed.
Excellent imagery and profound personification.
well done.
Blessings
Jan et
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Another poetic from that I am not familiar with but after reading your notes, I do believe you nailed.
Excellent imagery and profound personification.
well done.
Blessings
Jan et
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you very much Janet.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and nice presentation.
-You did a good job with the form and topic.
-Effective imagery, rhyme, and repeating lines.
-You show the impact of a rocky relationship.
-Good description of her voice with "salty mist."
-A good comparison of her cloak being fool's gold.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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-Good artwork and nice presentation.
-You did a good job with the form and topic.
-Effective imagery, rhyme, and repeating lines.
-You show the impact of a rocky relationship.
-Good description of her voice with "salty mist."
-A good comparison of her cloak being fool's gold.
-Well done.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you Pam I appreciate you! 🙏
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You are very welcome, Jim!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a very emotional write and those harsh rocks slung and salty tears that sting can leave a lasting bad taste and your poem has a powerful message, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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This is a very emotional write and those harsh rocks slung and salty tears that sting can leave a lasting bad taste and your poem has a powerful message, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you dear Dolly, I trust you are well!🙏🙏🎶🎶
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I am, thank you for asking, I hope you are well too x x x
Comment from Terry Broxson
I had never heard of an Octelle poem. But it looks to me like it would be hard to write. I do think you have written a poem that meets the definition, and I find it full of imagination. My only suggestion would be to change the background color. The dark red and black are hard to read. Excellent work. Terry.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I had never heard of an Octelle poem. But it looks to me like it would be hard to write. I do think you have written a poem that meets the definition, and I find it full of imagination. My only suggestion would be to change the background color. The dark red and black are hard to read. Excellent work. Terry.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Terry, I was in the process of changing the font to whote as you were reading, thanks!!
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Much better, thanks!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good morning, JLR
I have always appreciated the Octelle format and yours is well-executed.
One thought - if I may:
I would edit the following line and replace "the sea" with "your voice," (perhaps) as all of the other lines are focusing on the person who is causing you harm.
"The sea tosses salty mist"
to
Your voice tosses salty mist
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Good morning, JLR
I have always appreciated the Octelle format and yours is well-executed.
One thought - if I may:
I would edit the following line and replace "the sea" with "your voice," (perhaps) as all of the other lines are focusing on the person who is causing you harm.
"The sea tosses salty mist"
to
Your voice tosses salty mist
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Diane, yes of course, this a perfect corection, thank you 🙏🙏
Comment from Sugarray77
Hello and good morning, Jim. You have done a really good job in crafting this Octelle with style and grace. It is an emotional write that pulls on our heartstrings. So well done!
Melissa
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hello and good morning, Jim. You have done a really good job in crafting this Octelle with style and grace. It is an emotional write that pulls on our heartstrings. So well done!
Melissa
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks friend!
Comment from jmdg1954
Note : the second line reads rock, and the last line reads now. They should be identical according to the poems description.
Your poem had good flow and cadence in reading. I like the inference of the salty sea and fools gold.
Well done.
Cheers to a great week.
John
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Note : the second line reads rock, and the last line reads now. They should be identical according to the poems description.
Your poem had good flow and cadence in reading. I like the inference of the salty sea and fools gold.
Well done.
Cheers to a great week.
John
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Eeee gadsmm yup corrected.
Comment from patcelaw
This is an interesting format. It is easy to listen to it flowed smoothly, and you presented it very nicely. I wish you the best in the challenge. Patricia.
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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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This is an interesting format. It is easy to listen to it flowed smoothly, and you presented it very nicely. I wish you the best in the challenge. Patricia.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks Patricia