Comment from Rosemary Everson1

Excellent

I sure like your poetry and images. The words bring wonderful music to our ears and eyes. It is like a painting; the more you concentrate, the more it can become a famous piece of artistry.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023

Rosemary

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Now there is a caterpillar with curiosity. He can definitely see the road to freedom after the awe-inspiring metamorphosis.

A finely structured classical tanka, and as always professional presentation.

Wishing you great luck with the Committee.

Gloria

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023

Gloria,

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from AP Apgar

Excellent

I like your modern tanka poem- good presentation- flow--suggest eliminating the dash (pause)after 'grape- interrupts flow - and thought- leaves in the garden doesn't stand alone- I like the use of color to separate - helps separate statements and syllables for the reader and enhances flow-,clever transition to 'dreams' of the caterpillar!!- nice- nectar-and flying away- Good job-AP

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023

Thank you, AP, I changed that.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Love that the caterpillar dreams! And I wrote last year about the "memory" that caterpillars still have even when they have changed into butterflies. Enjoyed your tanka!!

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023

Thank you, Big Sister,

I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my poem. I love caterpillars. When I was little, I would put them in an empty shoebox with lots of grape leaves. I kept it under my bed and checked every day until it was a butterfly 🦋 🙃

Love,

Marival ❤️

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

You know the meme "keep on truckin on" with the guy striding with big feet. They ought to replace him with you, for you release a pair of treats it seems, every day. ....................

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023

LoL. Yes, i know the one. I remember the picture...it was a grateful dead poster for their song ---truckin' --
Song....
"Truckin', got my chips cashed in, Keep truckin', like the do-dah man, Together, more or less in line..... and on
Just keep truckin' on and on"

Thank you, Tom, you are very kind.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Anne Johnston

Excellent

This is a beautiful Tanka, Gypsy. Your words so clearly describe the change that takes place as a caterpillar changes into a beautiful butterfly, and is set free.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023

Thank you, Anne, you are very kind.

Gypsy hugs

reply by Anne Johnston on 13-Jan-2023

You are welcome, Gypsy

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

Your caterpillar has heady dreams. Fortunately metamorphosis is there to make sure that dreams should become reality, even if they are short-lived. kay

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 Comment Written 12-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023

Kate,

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from CrystieCookie999

Excellent

I liked reading this. It has a great choice of artistic illustrations. I noticed the third line has 6 syllables. I would change 'dreaming' to 'dreams' to keep the verb tense consistent with the verb just before, which is 'eats.' Same thing goes for line 4. It has 8 syllables. You can fix it easily by changing 'soaring' to 'soars.' We all have trouble with those verbs, but otherwise this is a good tanka with plenty of action.


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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023

Hello, Crystal,

Modern Tanka doesn't follow the 5/7/5/7/7 because English syllables and Japanese syllables are different. I have the link to the Tanka rules in my author notes. The important thing is to keep it at 31 syllables or less. Mine is 31 syllables
5/7/6/8/5.

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

reply by CrystieCookie999 on 13-Jan-2023

Ah ha, the modern ones I see bend the rules a little bit, like modern haiku. My state poetry society keeps pointing out that the present tense verbs often draw readers in a bit better, but I love those 'ing' verbs, too. Have a super day.