Charlie's Different
Major changes from High School15 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
you did a good job with story. it plays out very well although it is a little telegraphed early on.
ran into his sister, Sandra at a business function - should probably have a comma after Sandra as well.
"We all have." - insert a clear line before this one.
When starting a new paragraph in dialogue, just put opening speech marks at the beginning of each paragraph but only one set of closing ones at the very end. Otherwise it looks like a change of speaker which can be confusing.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
  |
Hi there,
you did a good job with story. it plays out very well although it is a little telegraphed early on.
ran into his sister, Sandra at a business function - should probably have a comma after Sandra as well.
"We all have." - insert a clear line before this one.
When starting a new paragraph in dialogue, just put opening speech marks at the beginning of each paragraph but only one set of closing ones at the very end. Otherwise it looks like a change of speaker which can be confusing.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Thank you. I appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from jessizero
I did not see that coming. For a while, I thought that Sandra might be Charlie somehow. Anyway, thanks for sharing this story. It was very entertaining. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
|
I did not see that coming. For a while, I thought that Sandra might be Charlie somehow. Anyway, thanks for sharing this story. It was very entertaining. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Thank you. I appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from susand3022
Well, I guess the last time he saw Charlie, wasn't really the last time he saw Charlie after all, was it! That was a surprising twist, completely unexpected. Just goes to remind us that little things surprise us all the time.
Susan :)
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
|
Well, I guess the last time he saw Charlie, wasn't really the last time he saw Charlie after all, was it! That was a surprising twist, completely unexpected. Just goes to remind us that little things surprise us all the time.
Susan :)
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Thank you. I appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from Rebecca Roberts1
That was a nice shocking ending.
There was nothing more that could be said after he realized who Charlie was.
Nice flow to the end. It pulled me along. I needed to know what happened to Charlie.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
|
That was a nice shocking ending.
There was nothing more that could be said after he realized who Charlie was.
Nice flow to the end. It pulled me along. I needed to know what happened to Charlie.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Thank you. I appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from Kayte Ray
This is an outstanding contest entry. Well written and complete in form. I love the way you presented some very complex emotions here, a struggle for many people. Well written
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
|
This is an outstanding contest entry. Well written and complete in form. I love the way you presented some very complex emotions here, a struggle for many people. Well written
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Thank you. I appreciate your review and comments.
