Dog day of August
Boys bored with summer vacation24 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
This sounds like a lazy, hazy summer day for boys with nothing constructive to do. The story flowed smoothly with great descriptions. Your dialogue was authentic. All of these are aspects of a good story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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This sounds like a lazy, hazy summer day for boys with nothing constructive to do. The story flowed smoothly with great descriptions. Your dialogue was authentic. All of these are aspects of a good story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you!!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well, the boys cooked up some fun without getting caught.
I enjoyed your fun story, Gunner Lil. This sounded just like
some bored boys looking for something to do--anything.
The twist at the end with the dog was unexpected, yet fit
right in.
Thanks for the fun read, Jan
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Well, the boys cooked up some fun without getting caught.
I enjoyed your fun story, Gunner Lil. This sounded just like
some bored boys looking for something to do--anything.
The twist at the end with the dog was unexpected, yet fit
right in.
Thanks for the fun read, Jan
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you!!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
We used to go scrumping in the summer school holidays, it was exciting with the risk of getting caught. The last week of the holidays come round so fast and all children want to make the most of it. I enjoyed listening in to the boys discussing what they could do, and they came away with a nice load of plums. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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We used to go scrumping in the summer school holidays, it was exciting with the risk of getting caught. The last week of the holidays come round so fast and all children want to make the most of it. I enjoyed listening in to the boys discussing what they could do, and they came away with a nice load of plums. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Typical "what we gonna do" day between several bored boys. Very familiar.
Just a couple of considerations:
Para 10, 1st sentence: CONSIDER (nothing's) rather than (nothing)
Para 12, 2nd sentence: CONSIDER (had) rather than (have)
Para 15, 1st sentence: (accros) should be (across)
Para 16, 1st sentence: (reconed) should be (reconned)
Reminds me of my younger days (much younger) going watermelon coonin'. Always successful but many times questionable.
Nice nostalgic piece.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Typical "what we gonna do" day between several bored boys. Very familiar.
Just a couple of considerations:
Para 10, 1st sentence: CONSIDER (nothing's) rather than (nothing)
Para 12, 2nd sentence: CONSIDER (had) rather than (have)
Para 15, 1st sentence: (accros) should be (across)
Para 16, 1st sentence: (reconed) should be (reconned)
Reminds me of my younger days (much younger) going watermelon coonin'. Always successful but many times questionable.
Nice nostalgic piece.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the edit!!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Ah yes, the final few days of the holidays when mischief always plays a part.
"What 'd you want to do?" Asked Pete the oldest of the four boys.- asked should be lower case. Following speech tags are lower case unless a proper noun or name. Also, should probably have a comma following Pete.
Dan the skinny, blond said.. insert a comma after Dan and move the one from after skinny to after blond.
Pete, his eyes getting wide said, - insert a comma after wide.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Hi there,
Ah yes, the final few days of the holidays when mischief always plays a part.
"What 'd you want to do?" Asked Pete the oldest of the four boys.- asked should be lower case. Following speech tags are lower case unless a proper noun or name. Also, should probably have a comma following Pete.
Dan the skinny, blond said.. insert a comma after Dan and move the one from after skinny to after blond.
Pete, his eyes getting wide said, - insert a comma after wide.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the info!!
Comment from Fleedleflump
This is a fun tale of summer hijinks at that age when we're still figuring our who we are. There are some issues with comma placement and a few typos, so I'd urge a close read through to do some fixing, but the tale itself is good.
Mike
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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This is a fun tale of summer hijinks at that age when we're still figuring our who we are. There are some issues with comma placement and a few typos, so I'd urge a close read through to do some fixing, but the tale itself is good.
Mike
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Thank you
Comment from Tom Horonzy
One can only guess where this event may have taken place if real. I'd have to guess Washington State.
Why are such stories told with little boys? Don't girls ever trespass in like manner?
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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One can only guess where this event may have taken place if real. I'd have to guess Washington State.
Why are such stories told with little boys? Don't girls ever trespass in like manner?
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Wendy G
An interesting and realistic story. Just needs a bit of polishing.
First sentence "Asked" does not need a capital.
Extra full stop at the end of paragraph 2.
"Jim, you must (be) nuts ..." ("be" is missing).
Wishing you the best for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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An interesting and realistic story. Just needs a bit of polishing.
First sentence "Asked" does not need a capital.
Extra full stop at the end of paragraph 2.
"Jim, you must (be) nuts ..." ("be" is missing).
Wishing you the best for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
This reminds me of my childhood growing up, do youth still do those things these days, or are they communicating on devices? But I can remember raiding the local orange orchards, they are gone now. I loved this return to the past, with very recognisable characters. Well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : you must (be) nuts.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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This reminds me of my childhood growing up, do youth still do those things these days, or are they communicating on devices? But I can remember raiding the local orange orchards, they are gone now. I loved this return to the past, with very recognisable characters. Well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : you must (be) nuts.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thank you!!
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Welcome
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I remember the time when stealing fruit from a tree was the worst thing naughty boys did. Innocent times - if they got caught they apologized.
This is a lovely memory from your boyhood. Thanks for sharing and good luck with this contest.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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I remember the time when stealing fruit from a tree was the worst thing naughty boys did. Innocent times - if they got caught they apologized.
This is a lovely memory from your boyhood. Thanks for sharing and good luck with this contest.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thank you!