Familiar Faces.
An unexpected meeting with old friends.25 total reviews
Comment from Sugarray77
I enjoyed the supernatural feel to this piece as you clearly incorporated the theme into your plot. Great job of adding the lingo and colloquialisms to your dialogue. A really good read.
Melissa
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
  |
I enjoyed the supernatural feel to this piece as you clearly incorporated the theme into your plot. Great job of adding the lingo and colloquialisms to your dialogue. A really good read.
Melissa
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
I really like the Irish flavor of this tale. It is poignant and very well executed.
I like Irish lore; it is so rich and colorful.
I think this story is a winner.
Good luck!
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
|
I really like the Irish flavor of this tale. It is poignant and very well executed.
I like Irish lore; it is so rich and colorful.
I think this story is a winner.
Good luck!
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for taking the time to read my piece. I appreciate your thoughts and your starts.
Comment from Goodadvicechan
The story is well written, full of suspense from beginning to end.
The character of Charlie is well described. He opened his arm wide and then pulled back.
It is easy to follow the story.
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
|
The story is well written, full of suspense from beginning to end.
The character of Charlie is well described. He opened his arm wide and then pulled back.
It is easy to follow the story.
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for your comments and your time.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Quaint how I knew the story was Erin in nature before it was made somewhat clearer as lines were added. Had you lost your hubby and child? I am unclear as to that but its understandable there is life after death... we hope.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
|
Quaint how I knew the story was Erin in nature before it was made somewhat clearer as lines were added. Had you lost your hubby and child? I am unclear as to that but its understandable there is life after death... we hope.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
-
I'm glad the place setting came through. Yes, I lost them both. Hope springs eternal
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon,
A lovely piece. Just the right atmosphere of confusion and mystery, and a good 'story' accomplished in a very small space.
You might want to look at ...being silly'... which, as dialogue, needs to end with a double inverted commas.
I enjoyed this - something in an old style. Well done
I wish you well
cheers
phill
Just a note: I had to read and re-read the part about herself and Patrick - I assumed eventually that 'herself' is the daughter and Patrick the husband. I think my misreading flows from the order ("herself or Patrick" in the first reference but the reverse order 'husband and child' in the following part)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
 |
Hello Anon,
A lovely piece. Just the right atmosphere of confusion and mystery, and a good 'story' accomplished in a very small space.
You might want to look at ...being silly'... which, as dialogue, needs to end with a double inverted commas.
I enjoyed this - something in an old style. Well done
I wish you well
cheers
phill
Just a note: I had to read and re-read the part about herself and Patrick - I assumed eventually that 'herself' is the daughter and Patrick the husband. I think my misreading flows from the order ("herself or Patrick" in the first reference but the reverse order 'husband and child' in the following part)
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for your comments and your notes. I will look at the corrections.
Comment from Nymbus
I loved the way the story comes together and flows. It is a story of friends and loss, to me was given a last chance to say goodbye when he was able to entered the pub.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
|
I loved the way the story comes together and flows. It is a story of friends and loss, to me was given a last chance to say goodbye when he was able to entered the pub.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your perceptions.
Comment from Averil Drummond
I'm a bit at sea here. I guess the pub is full of dead people. I know with this sort of writing you need the reader to do some work. I think the paragraph starting, 'My eyes were blurred etc' could be a bit better written. The,'her or Patrick' bit is some added confusion. Basically, if there wasn't a word limit put on this competition I would suggest that you could re-write this to be just as spooky but a bit more comprehensible. It has the makings of a very good story.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
 |
I'm a bit at sea here. I guess the pub is full of dead people. I know with this sort of writing you need the reader to do some work. I think the paragraph starting, 'My eyes were blurred etc' could be a bit better written. The,'her or Patrick' bit is some added confusion. Basically, if there wasn't a word limit put on this competition I would suggest that you could re-write this to be just as spooky but a bit more comprehensible. It has the makings of a very good story.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for thoughts. I will look at the paragraph you mentioned. Confusion was kind of my intent--a step toward Kafka if you will--but perhaps overdone. Appreciate the time and attention.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a creative piece of fiction. The sensory details were effective at painting a clear scene where the story takes place. I felt a connection to the characters. The dialogue reads fluidly and naturally.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
|
This is a creative piece of fiction. The sensory details were effective at painting a clear scene where the story takes place. I felt a connection to the characters. The dialogue reads fluidly and naturally.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
-
Thank you. As you say the piece depends on the sensory since even the narrator doesn't understand until the end. I appreciate your time.
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, that's very interesting, and quite different, and I appreciated the explanatory notes you provided. It leaves the reader wondering what the future holds for the person ... perhaps another story? Well written. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
|
Wow, that's very interesting, and quite different, and I appreciated the explanatory notes you provided. It leaves the reader wondering what the future holds for the person ... perhaps another story? Well written. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
-
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. When I wrote it, I wondered what had happened in her past that brought her there--but time does run both ways and the future works, too.
Comment from LisaMay
Oooh this story has got spooky overtones - you set the scene well, introduced the characters and kept the mystery going really well. Of course you can't go there, you're not dead yet and you shouldn't have seen the others... you must've had a near-death experience and Death herself gave you coins for the next meeting.
"No. Don't." He said.
(I think there should probably be a comma after Don't and lower case H for he.)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2022
|
Oooh this story has got spooky overtones - you set the scene well, introduced the characters and kept the mystery going really well. Of course you can't go there, you're not dead yet and you shouldn't have seen the others... you must've had a near-death experience and Death herself gave you coins for the next meeting.
"No. Don't." He said.
(I think there should probably be a comma after Don't and lower case H for he.)
Comment Written 18-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2022
-
So she did. I am glad it came through as I tried to keep it pretty ambigious. Thnks for the puncuation note, wll o bak and see if I an fix it.
