What Would You Like to Do Today?
Dr Seuss type poem for kids ~let the comma guide the rhythm30 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Grandma,
I can just picture you there with all the little ones making up fun stories and everyone laughing together. How sweet!
I thought this was a sweet poem and I'm glad you shared it. There was one question in the last line --
here:
we brought you with (us) too!
Thanks!
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
  |
Dear Grandma,
I can just picture you there with all the little ones making up fun stories and everyone laughing together. How sweet!
I thought this was a sweet poem and I'm glad you shared it. There was one question in the last line --
here:
we brought you with (us) too!
Thanks!
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
-
First of all Robyn, thank you for your lovely review and fun comments.
I love that you caught that the last Line was talking to the children or reader. I'm not sure that everyone did, so thank you!
And I respect your opinion and feedback so much, so I will probably change that part if you don't think its too much for that line to say,
"And we're mostly happy that we brought you with us too" Or what do you think about this? "And we're so happy you came with us too".
Either way, I thank you so very much, and appreciate your awesome review and feedback! It is so aways welcomed!
-
I really like the second version a LOT. Actually, the 'mostly' sounds like maybe we're not REALLY happy you came? Like if we told the absolute truth, we're not happy. See? So the second version sounds better and more honest.
You are really kind and so sweet. Your comments made my day. Thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I think a game of croquet sounds magical and you can count me in, a fine children's poem about keeping them amused with lots of activities, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
|
I think a game of croquet sounds magical and you can count me in, a fine children's poem about keeping them amused with lots of activities, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
-
Thank you very much Dolly! My grandbabes had so much fun with these activities that they didn't realize were learning at the same time. My most creative 11 yr old grandson is now writing some poetry himself, so time well spent. Thank you once again!
Comment from dmt1967
So now, what do you think we should (we) do? (delete)
And we're mostly happy, we brought you (with) too! (delete)
I thought this was a good poem but some of the rhyming sounded a bit false.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Take care.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
 |
So now, what do you think we should (we) do? (delete)
And we're mostly happy, we brought you (with) too! (delete)
I thought this was a good poem but some of the rhyming sounded a bit false.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Take care.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
-
Thank you for catching that typo in that line that had the extra we. I'm amazed nobody else said anything, however it was truly there by mistake and it's appreciated so much. However the last line needs the word with to work with the syllable count, the rhythm and the message that they were glad that the reader realizes that they were part of the poem. I do appreciate the suggestion and also for catching the mistake. Also thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jessizero
I didn't like the comma thing at first, but it grew on me as the poem progressed. It was a sweet little poem in a Dr. Seuss style. Thanks for sharing this here, and keep up the great work.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
I didn't like the comma thing at first, but it grew on me as the poem progressed. It was a sweet little poem in a Dr. Seuss style. Thanks for sharing this here, and keep up the great work.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Thank you Jessi! Lol, like I said in my notes, it's a lot harder to keep the rhythm w/o a different page to put each line on but then again, I am not Dr Seuss! However I loved him, along with all the fun books he wrote.
I wish I had every fun poem that my grandbabes helped me rhyme, in all of our silly times when they were little. Thank you so much my friend for the very kind review and comments.
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This is a great poem with many colors to get a child's attention. Children do not like to come in when it is nice outdoors. They will find something to do. And they will make a game up from unusual things. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
This is a great poem with many colors to get a child's attention. Children do not like to come in when it is nice outdoors. They will find something to do. And they will make a game up from unusual things. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Thank you Carolyn ! Lol, like I said in my notes, it's a lot harder to keep the rhythm w/o a different page to put each line on but then again, I am not Dr Seuss! However I loved him, along with all the fun books he wrote.
I wish I had every fun poem that my grandbabes helped me rhyme, in all of our silly times when they were little. Thank you so much my friend for the very kind review and comments.
-
You are welcome.
Comment from Paul McFarland
Nicely done in the vein of the good doctor. The multiple rhymes are very good in children's poems. In the last long line of your poem, there is a problem at the end of the line. It's a quick fix.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
Nicely done in the vein of the good doctor. The multiple rhymes are very good in children's poems. In the last long line of your poem, there is a problem at the end of the line. It's a quick fix.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Hi Paul, I looked at the line that I think you were talking about and realized it didn't read as well as I originally thought, so I went in and changed it. If you have a minute, I would love your feedback on it now. I truly appreciated you commenting on it. Many poems I used to write and come back and look at it a week later and say to myself, what was I thinking? But with these fast ones they put out, I don't always get to do that. So thank you so very much Paul for your kind review and encouraging feedback!
-
I was thinking that "we brought you with too" should be "we brought you too" or "we brought you with us too".
-
Thanks Paul, I guess I don't see much of a difference..
And I thought it got the point across nicely w the syllable count that worked best for the rhythm. But I will look at that again and see if it needs changing. Thanks Paul.
Comment from Goosey Gander
This poem is excellent! I do not know, however, if you meant to place a comma in the phrase from line two:
"play, a game" This may have been intentional, but just FYI. I also feel the need to let you know that the image is just adorable!!!
-GG
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
This poem is excellent! I do not know, however, if you meant to place a comma in the phrase from line two:
"play, a game" This may have been intentional, but just FYI. I also feel the need to let you know that the image is just adorable!!!
-GG
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Hi there! Yes, I did mean to put that comma there as the first line had none where it read, what would you like to do today? Next line the comma was there to start setting up the rhythm with, would you like to play-a game of croquet? After that it just becomes silly, so it was kind of needed, if you know what I mean? I appreciate so much the question, as it gave me a chance to look again and change something else. And thank you my friend for the lovely comment too about the picture!
Comment from karenina
Anyone familiar with Dr. Seuss knows well the rhythm varies and to go with the flow--- your commas were great "traffic signs" as to when to pause and when to proceed. A fun poem and now I SO want to go grab my copy of "The Cat in the Hat" and read it just for fun! My kids loved his books too-- We have a Dr. Seuss museum here in Springfield, MA (he spent his boyhood there)--which is only a few miles from where we live!
Fun poem! Now let's go to the zoo!
Karenina
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
Anyone familiar with Dr. Seuss knows well the rhythm varies and to go with the flow--- your commas were great "traffic signs" as to when to pause and when to proceed. A fun poem and now I SO want to go grab my copy of "The Cat in the Hat" and read it just for fun! My kids loved his books too-- We have a Dr. Seuss museum here in Springfield, MA (he spent his boyhood there)--which is only a few miles from where we live!
Fun poem! Now let's go to the zoo!
Karenina
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Awe, thank you my friend, as I love to find other Dr Seuss lovers.
Thank you for such a lovely review and your very kind words.
That is so awesome that you have a museum there. We have a few here in our state for Charles Schultz (Charlie Brown) Judy Garland (Wizard of Oz) and Prince, to name just a few. Thank you again for your awesome review!
-
My pleasure!
Comment from Lilly Flowers
What a splendid poem for the kiddies and us big kids too. Fashioning it after Dr. Seuss was a good idea and explaining the use of commas was too. It really made a difference in the way I read this. Best regards, Lilly
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
|
What a splendid poem for the kiddies and us big kids too. Fashioning it after Dr. Seuss was a good idea and explaining the use of commas was too. It really made a difference in the way I read this. Best regards, Lilly
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Thank you so much Lily! My flowers named after you are all up beautifully now, just like you! You are so kind and thank you for letting me know that the commas work, otherwise the poem would just look like one big mess. So I truly appreciate your lovely review and comments.
Comment from Anne Johnston
I love your poem, a great entry for the Children's poem contest. I like the unique rhyming scheme you have used. I did not one thing in the closing lines: "we brought you with too!" Did you mean to say "we brought you with us too"?
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
 |
I love your poem, a great entry for the Children's poem contest. I like the unique rhyming scheme you have used. I did not one thing in the closing lines: "we brought you with too!" Did you mean to say "we brought you with us too"?
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Ooooh, I was so hoping someone would catch that! Yes that is for the children, (or adults) so they feel like they are part of the story.
And Anne, thank you for one of the loveliest reviews ever, as I am fighting the tears right now! And for those 6 beautiful stars. And I love that it sounds like you too love Dr Seuss! I just wish I had videos of the kids making up thymes! I still have the little book called, "There's a Wocket in my Pocket," as my memories of all of them yelling the next lines as I would say,
"Did you ever have a feeling there's a woset in the______And they would all be yelling "CLOSET", or a Nink in the_____.
Ok I think I overstayed my welcome, but you get how important these books were to me and the grandbabes! Anne, I am so overwhelmed and excited and if you were here I would give you a big 😘. Thank you again my beautiful friend!
-
You are welcome. I am sure your grandchildren loved your stories. Keep writing.