The Note
The last hike.30 total reviews
Comment from Thesis
An interesting piece. You lead the reader from what appears to be a person enjoying the solitude of a outdoor winter experience, then realize the situation is not what it appears. Once you realize that the character is not there to enjoy nature, but rather to facilitate their own death, is chilling. It makes one wonder if the note revealed the reason why. Nice job.
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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An interesting piece. You lead the reader from what appears to be a person enjoying the solitude of a outdoor winter experience, then realize the situation is not what it appears. Once you realize that the character is not there to enjoy nature, but rather to facilitate their own death, is chilling. It makes one wonder if the note revealed the reason why. Nice job.
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thanks, Thesis. With a few more words, we could have found out what was in the note.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the 50 Worder writing prompt contest. You did a good job with the Word count and the story flow. A clear beginning and end.
The story is sad. Maybe mention a suicide crisis line. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Excellent entry for the 50 Worder writing prompt contest. You did a good job with the Word count and the story flow. A clear beginning and end.
The story is sad. Maybe mention a suicide crisis line. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thanks, Gypsy. I'll have to keep that number handy.
Comment from JoannaN
A little story within only 50 words. The reader can imagine the scene, can see your protagonist sitting on the mountain, contemplating the cold and the solitude. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-May-2022
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A little story within only 50 words. The reader can imagine the scene, can see your protagonist sitting on the mountain, contemplating the cold and the solitude. Well done.
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 02-May-2022
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Thanks, Joanna. This was inspired by a true story.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, there's certainly a lot of the story here between the lines, and that's no bad thing. Although I do wonder at the sense of it. There'd be easier ways to go. it's also pretty easy to back out...lol Maybe that's the point.
Word count spot on
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 02-May-2022
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Hi there,
Well, there's certainly a lot of the story here between the lines, and that's no bad thing. Although I do wonder at the sense of it. There'd be easier ways to go. it's also pretty easy to back out...lol Maybe that's the point.
Word count spot on
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 02-May-2022
reply by the author on 02-May-2022
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Thanks, GMG. This piece is based on a true story.
Comment from Haylee Hemphill
Hello!
I am not sure why it would not let me give you six stars, but this is six star worthy! I hope you continue to share you work with our community and others. Thank you for sharing this piece!
One Love
Haylee
reply by the author on 02-May-2022
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Hello!
I am not sure why it would not let me give you six stars, but this is six star worthy! I hope you continue to share you work with our community and others. Thank you for sharing this piece!
One Love
Haylee
Comment Written 01-May-2022
reply by the author on 02-May-2022
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Thanks, Haylee. I am usually in the poetry section, but will try the prose once in awhile.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well, this little story was short and to the point.
I understand it's a word limited story. You gave
readers some great info and left them to form their
own conclusions as to the why', Mystery Author.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Well, this little story was short and to the point.
I understand it's a word limited story. You gave
readers some great info and left them to form their
own conclusions as to the why', Mystery Author.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 30-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Jan. The why is probably that some woman did him wrong.
Comment from LJbutterfly
It's challenging to get a complete thought out in fifty words. You've managed to give the reader a location, temperature, what the protagonist was wearing, and finally, relay a decision to be made about a note. Great work. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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It's challenging to get a complete thought out in fifty words. You've managed to give the reader a location, temperature, what the protagonist was wearing, and finally, relay a decision to be made about a note. Great work. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, LJ. This is fairly new ground for me. I'm a poet.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Well, that's a little dark! Still, you met the requirements of the prompt and you managed to tell the story of a man (?) who has chosen his fate and where the final scene will play out. The note in the parka - they'll find it and check the pockets eventually.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Well, that's a little dark! Still, you met the requirements of the prompt and you managed to tell the story of a man (?) who has chosen his fate and where the final scene will play out. The note in the parka - they'll find it and check the pockets eventually.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks for review, Pam. You are right. The parka is the best place for the note.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written. Good work.
But I didn't understand why he/she would take off their parka when it was ten degrees below (zero/freezing?) Wouldn't that make him/her more cold? Or was it a suicide note and the intention was to freeze to death?
Prob'ly.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Nicely written. Good work.
But I didn't understand why he/she would take off their parka when it was ten degrees below (zero/freezing?) Wouldn't that make him/her more cold? Or was it a suicide note and the intention was to freeze to death?
Prob'ly.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Wayne. You are right about the suicide.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well, you certainly came up with the goods with this little gem!! It's a sad one, that anyone would feel suicide is the only way out, but it's funny as well, that's not easy to do. The end really made me laugh. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Well, you certainly came up with the goods with this little gem!! It's a sad one, that anyone would feel suicide is the only way out, but it's funny as well, that's not easy to do. The end really made me laugh. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra
Comment Written 30-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Sandra. This was inspired by a book that I read - true story.