The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Return Chapter 4"Erotic Turmoil
37 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You chapter reads well, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. You gave many pertinent details, the descriptions are well done, and the storyline flows smoothly. I believe Bessie was relatively quiet about what Margot shared from the diary and the Bible because she already knew what was in them. She was just waiting to hear if Margot had made any connections. Bessie seems to be there when something important is discovered, yet she adds very little to the scene other than her appearance. I believe she is more of a guide to Margot, even though she (Bessie) knows more than she lets on. It's interesting that the marriage never took place--great tangent for further writing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
  |
You chapter reads well, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. You gave many pertinent details, the descriptions are well done, and the storyline flows smoothly. I believe Bessie was relatively quiet about what Margot shared from the diary and the Bible because she already knew what was in them. She was just waiting to hear if Margot had made any connections. Bessie seems to be there when something important is discovered, yet she adds very little to the scene other than her appearance. I believe she is more of a guide to Margot, even though she (Bessie) knows more than she lets on. It's interesting that the marriage never took place--great tangent for further writing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
-
You are very astute, Jan! Lol. You're picking up the clues more than most. I'm really looking forward to your comments on the next part. Thank you so much for this detailed review, my friend, I enjoyed reading it. Have a lovely week, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from estory
This chapter unfolds slowly but it gets moving towards the end. Meg seems determined to dig into the history of the house and pry into the reasons she has this strange connection to the lady who lived in the house a hundred and thirty years ago. Then it gets a little unsettling towards the end, when she uncovers those diary entries and the lady is looking forward to her wedding...and then it all seems to have gone bad. Miles, the groom, seems to have disappeared. The mystery is hanging in the air, and you are creating that subtle sense of suspense again. estory
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
This chapter unfolds slowly but it gets moving towards the end. Meg seems determined to dig into the history of the house and pry into the reasons she has this strange connection to the lady who lived in the house a hundred and thirty years ago. Then it gets a little unsettling towards the end, when she uncovers those diary entries and the lady is looking forward to her wedding...and then it all seems to have gone bad. Miles, the groom, seems to have disappeared. The mystery is hanging in the air, and you are creating that subtle sense of suspense again. estory
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Thank you so much, Estory, for another lovely review. Margot has to find out what Bessie knows. Stay tuned!! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
more good stuff here again. interesting developments and Bessie knows more than we know....
There was enough of both to carry her through the winter months if she was careful. - I highlighted this as it states if she was careful it would last but in the previous paragraph she decides to run the stove 24/7 which wouldn't necessarily be careful. - just a thought.
If only my internet was connected, - would she not have had some kind of smart phone? just asking! :)
noisy cock crowing it's head off, - its.
the Bible and the dairy off the kitchen shelf. - diary.
only the last one which was Meg's birth and death. It seemed as though no one bothered after that.' - made me wonder why someone would have recorded the death but nothing afterwards.
I am the luckiest girl in the land. All my friends will be so envious. ' - closing speech mark here has become an opening one due to the space beforehand.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
Hi Sandra,
more good stuff here again. interesting developments and Bessie knows more than we know....
There was enough of both to carry her through the winter months if she was careful. - I highlighted this as it states if she was careful it would last but in the previous paragraph she decides to run the stove 24/7 which wouldn't necessarily be careful. - just a thought.
If only my internet was connected, - would she not have had some kind of smart phone? just asking! :)
noisy cock crowing it's head off, - its.
the Bible and the dairy off the kitchen shelf. - diary.
only the last one which was Meg's birth and death. It seemed as though no one bothered after that.' - made me wonder why someone would have recorded the death but nothing afterwards.
I am the luckiest girl in the land. All my friends will be so envious. ' - closing speech mark here has become an opening one due to the space beforehand.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Thanks so much, Gareth. You've picked out some awful errors. It didn't register with my pea brain about keeping the fire going 24/7. I've deleted the careful part.
The other sentence about Meg's entry being the last. I've changed that to read...
...only the last few which included Meg?s birth and death.?
Ive corrected the other errors.
Again, thanks so much for this. You're a great help. I'm glad you are still enjoying this story. Now to see what it is that Bessie is reluctant to share. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from tfawcus
You are very good at making your characters appealing. It is easy to visualise both Margot and Bessie through their dialogue and interaction. Margot's dilemma is portrayed realistically. You have me hooked!
A couple of suggestions:
a noisy cock crowing it[']s head off
Her first thought was to cover her head with her pillow in the hope it would muffle the sound, but then (she) remembered Bessie would arrive at eight-thirty.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
 |
You are very good at making your characters appealing. It is easy to visualise both Margot and Bessie through their dialogue and interaction. Margot's dilemma is portrayed realistically. You have me hooked!
A couple of suggestions:
a noisy cock crowing it[']s head off
Her first thought was to cover her head with her pillow in the hope it would muffle the sound, but then (she) remembered Bessie would arrive at eight-thirty.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Thank you so much, Tony, for finding those nits! I've squashed them. Lol. And thank you for that lovely compliment about my characters, I draw their personalities from a few of my friends, one is pure Bessie, and the best friend I could wish for. She laughed when I told her I was using her.
I'm so pleased you're hooked! Now we have to find out what Bessie knows. Thank you so much for the sixth star, my friend. I really appreciated that and the helpful review. Have a wonderful week. :)) Sandra
Comment from Sanku
You are keeping the suspense going very well. the diary abruptly ends and all they know is that Meg didnt marry Miles...quite thrilling .I am waiting for the next.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
You are keeping the suspense going very well. the diary abruptly ends and all they know is that Meg didnt marry Miles...quite thrilling .I am waiting for the next.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Thank you, Sanku, for another lovely review! I'm delighted you are enjoying my story. Sending you a big hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I think Bessie knows a lot. Of course she knows why Miles didn't marry Meg. He died. I wonder what happened to him, and why Meg didn't write anything about it in her diary.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
I think Bessie knows a lot. Of course she knows why Miles didn't marry Meg. He died. I wonder what happened to him, and why Meg didn't write anything about it in her diary.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
I'm sure Bessie knows something. We'll see if Margot can wheedle it out of her. Thank you, Cindy, for this lovely reivew. I really appreciate it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from blondie560
Hi Sandra you certainly are keeping the suspense going. It will be very interesting to see how the past will collide with the present. And just how old is Bessie? Lol! I wonder if the ghost lover is not Miles, but someone else who came into Meg's life uninvited. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Have a lovely week! Hugs:) Sally
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
Hi Sandra you certainly are keeping the suspense going. It will be very interesting to see how the past will collide with the present. And just how old is Bessie? Lol! I wonder if the ghost lover is not Miles, but someone else who came into Meg's life uninvited. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Have a lovely week! Hugs:) Sally
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Hi Sally, I'm really pleased you're still enjoying my story. I can't answer any of your questions without giving the plot away, but I think you'll like it. :))
Thank you so much for this lovely review, and the sixth star, it means so much coming from you. You've been with me for a while now, and I really appreciate it. Sending a humongous hug. You have a lovely week, too, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Gert sherwood
The diary.
A chapter in the book The Return
The Return Chapter 4
sandramitchell you are leaving me in suspense when I read
'I don't understand! What could have happened?' She stared at Bessie, totally befuddled said 'What could possibly have changed that Meg didn't marry Miles? It doesn't make sense.'
Gert
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
The diary.
A chapter in the book The Return
The Return Chapter 4
sandramitchell you are leaving me in suspense when I read
'I don't understand! What could have happened?' She stared at Bessie, totally befuddled said 'What could possibly have changed that Meg didn't marry Miles? It doesn't make sense.'
Gert
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Thank you so much for reading chapter 4, Gert, and the lovely review. I'm really pleased you enjoyed it. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
You are most welcome Sandra
Gert
Comment from judiverse
This is fascinating. Margot is getting into the story of Meg and learns that she was disappointed in love. just as Margotis having strange visits from a mysterious spirit who has made quite an impression her. Bessie is very understanding. I would not like to have to keep that cooking stove filled with coal or wood. The spooky atmosphere really comes through in this. I watched "Are You Being Served?" Miss Brahms didn't sound at all posh, but Captain Peacock certainly tried. judi
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
This is fascinating. Margot is getting into the story of Meg and learns that she was disappointed in love. just as Margotis having strange visits from a mysterious spirit who has made quite an impression her. Bessie is very understanding. I would not like to have to keep that cooking stove filled with coal or wood. The spooky atmosphere really comes through in this. I watched "Are You Being Served?" Miss Brahms didn't sound at all posh, but Captain Peacock certainly tried. judi
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Thank you so much, Judi, for this really nice review, and the golden sixth star! I'm so pleased you are enjoying this story.
I haven't watched 'Are You Being Served' for years! It came out back in the early 1970s.
Miss Brahms (Wendy Richards) was a true London cockney in real life, too. I'll have to download it and watch it again. I liked Young Mr Grace! Lol. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from royowen
It seems Bessie knows more than she's saying, and Margot starts to investigate the Meg person, and the mystery of the amorous ghost that keeps visiting her. But there's a lot to this fabulous story you've written Sandra, o "posh" one, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
|
It seems Bessie knows more than she's saying, and Margot starts to investigate the Meg person, and the mystery of the amorous ghost that keeps visiting her. But there's a lot to this fabulous story you've written Sandra, o "posh" one, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
-
Lol, of course I'm the 'posh' one!! Thank you so much for this lovely complimentary review, my friend. I always appreciate you. Love and hugs. Sandra xx
-
Heh heh