The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Return Chapter 3"Erotic Turmoil
42 total reviews
Comment from papa55mike
It's time to run out of that, right now! But you wouldn't have a story. I want to warn you about something. I wrote a chapbook titled; Hammie and Sarabeth and several people were offended with the I's which I know that Mark Twain used in several of his books. I went to Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God and borrowed the language from that book where I's were replaced with Ah's. I know you're probably too far in to change now, but it's something to think about. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your book!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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It's time to run out of that, right now! But you wouldn't have a story. I want to warn you about something. I wrote a chapbook titled; Hammie and Sarabeth and several people were offended with the I's which I know that Mark Twain used in several of his books. I went to Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God and borrowed the language from that book where I's were replaced with Ah's. I know you're probably too far in to change now, but it's something to think about. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your book!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for this lovely, and informative review, dear Mike. I didn't know about that, with the I's. I can't change Bessie's way of speaking at this stage, but what I'll do is find an alternative and once the book is finished, I'll be able to change that word when I do my line by line edit. That was really good of you to tell me.
Thank you for the golden star, my friend. I really appreciated that. I'm off to bed with a smile on my face. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from alexisleech
Another fantastic chapter, Sandra. You manage to transport the reader into the scene, and I enjoyed discovering the contents of the house as though I was standing beside Margot while she investigated. I wish I could buy a house that was not only undervalued, but full of valuable antiques. Having said that, I think there's going to be another price to pay in the future!
I can't wait to find out.
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Another fantastic chapter, Sandra. You manage to transport the reader into the scene, and I enjoyed discovering the contents of the house as though I was standing beside Margot while she investigated. I wish I could buy a house that was not only undervalued, but full of valuable antiques. Having said that, I think there's going to be another price to pay in the future!
I can't wait to find out.
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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It would be lovely if we could buy a house like that. But, you'd have to take the consequences of such an unusual house. :))
Thank you so very much for this lovely review, Alexis, and the gold star award!! I'm really so pleased you are liking this story. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from dmt1967
'I's not been up here for a long time,' Bessie told her as they both stood looking at all the stuff (there was in the attic). 'Some of it's junk, but some might be worth keeping.' (delete) The reader knows you are in the attic as you told them that already. There is no need to restate this bit of information.
Very well written. Thank you for sharing and take care.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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'I's not been up here for a long time,' Bessie told her as they both stood looking at all the stuff (there was in the attic). 'Some of it's junk, but some might be worth keeping.' (delete) The reader knows you are in the attic as you told them that already. There is no need to restate this bit of information.
Very well written. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for coming and reading this chapter, my friend. I've sorted that part out. Thanks for pointing that out, it really wasn't necessary to put it in. :)) Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, either I'm coming down with something...
or I just got the chills reading parts of this story sweet girl...was leary walking through the house with her...and
then when she picked up the bible...and started reading it...OMG...my amazing friend...chills...reincarnation ????...
hold on a minute...think I may have to put on my warmer socks...ok...
you really could have gone just a bit further...you know how I am...I like to read until I tier...or fall asleep reading...
and about the coffee...definitely a myth...never stopped my ex...cup of coffee and he thought he was a rabbit...
truly one of your best of the best chapters you who...I could have read on...butttttttt...this was a true attention holder...
and you know I love making you happy...makes my day...
you wrote...which pleased Margot no end...sounds like her name...Margot no end...maybe that's UK English...what do I know?...maybe...to no end????...
truly loved this...didn't want to stop beautiful you...
well done...very well written...I and Frosty The Snowman... standing out side...are sending snow plows full of love coming your way...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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HI Sandra, either I'm coming down with something...
or I just got the chills reading parts of this story sweet girl...was leary walking through the house with her...and
then when she picked up the bible...and started reading it...OMG...my amazing friend...chills...reincarnation ????...
hold on a minute...think I may have to put on my warmer socks...ok...
you really could have gone just a bit further...you know how I am...I like to read until I tier...or fall asleep reading...
and about the coffee...definitely a myth...never stopped my ex...cup of coffee and he thought he was a rabbit...
truly one of your best of the best chapters you who...I could have read on...butttttttt...this was a true attention holder...
and you know I love making you happy...makes my day...
you wrote...which pleased Margot no end...sounds like her name...Margot no end...maybe that's UK English...what do I know?...maybe...to no end????...
truly loved this...didn't want to stop beautiful you...
well done...very well written...I and Frosty The Snowman... standing out side...are sending snow plows full of love coming your way...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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A RABBIT!!! LOL!!! What are you like? LOL, you are as mad as me!
I loved your review, dear Linda, you always have me in fits of laughter! And 'Margot no end... Lol, I never thought of it like that. I'm going to change it now.
Is it still snowing where you are? It's cold enough here for snow, but it hasn't happened. I'm just getting a frostbitten nose!
I'll be posting Chapter one of a possible new book tomorrow. It's going in a contest. If readers like it, I will be starting it as soon as this book's finished. Have a look at it and let me know. Love you lots, my wonderful friend, keep safe and well! :)) Sandra xxxxx
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Hi Sandra, we had a great day today...the sun came out...and it got to about 45 degrees...
so I went out and washed the car...just with water and a rag...the driveway was slippery enough with snow...without putting soap on it...mostly just wanted to wash the salt off...but it's dropping now...38 degrees...and there talking snow by the end of the week...but not a lot so far...and we're starting to see grass again...
well my amazing friend...I'm so glad I make you laugh...that makes me happy...smiling so big....
now I'm off the check on your new book...check out the contest...love you in bunches...sweet girl...you keep safe and warm and well...smiling back at ya...Linda xxoo
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That's still very cold, you were really good getting out to wash the car. My nose would have fallen off!!
I'm posting later today. Just tidying it up. I wish I could carry on with it right now, but I'm really into The Return.
Keep your thermal long-johns on, and your thermal vest!! Love you lots. xxxxx
Comment from Sanku
This is a fabulous piece of ghost story promising all kinds of spooky twists and turns. The dreams or images she sees when she looked at the wedding dress sounded like a memory from previous birth...
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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This is a fabulous piece of ghost story promising all kinds of spooky twists and turns. The dreams or images she sees when she looked at the wedding dress sounded like a memory from previous birth...
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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You have it right, Sanku! Thank you so much for this really lovely review, and for giving me a precious sixth star. I really appreciate both. I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story, you are so encouraging! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are writing a very good story with lots of action and a ghost. The only thing I question is your, what seems to me as an American, an overuse of commas. If Bessie is a ghost, she probably wouldn't know what a thumbs up is. In the first sentence of chapter 3 . . . a(,) mercifully(,) dreamless sleep(,) by the sun . . . The comma after "a" serves no purpose. The one after mercifully modifies dreamless, not sleep. The one after sleep breaks the sentence for no real reason. I'm the one who gets told I don't use enough commas, so I'm not great at them either. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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You are writing a very good story with lots of action and a ghost. The only thing I question is your, what seems to me as an American, an overuse of commas. If Bessie is a ghost, she probably wouldn't know what a thumbs up is. In the first sentence of chapter 3 . . . a(,) mercifully(,) dreamless sleep(,) by the sun . . . The comma after "a" serves no purpose. The one after mercifully modifies dreamless, not sleep. The one after sleep breaks the sentence for no real reason. I'm the one who gets told I don't use enough commas, so I'm not great at them either. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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That was a very good point about the thumbs up. I'll sort that out. I've also changed that sentence with the commas because you weren't the only one to comment on them. The comma is my downfall, I'm always putting them in where they don't belong. Thank you for mentioning it, and the rest of your lovely, helpful review. I appreciated it a lot. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, reincarnation same name same birthday and now to make things easier same house:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter and with your writings.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Wow, reincarnation same name same birthday and now to make things easier same house:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter and with your writings.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Iza, for a really lovely review, and for the wonderful golden star!! I'm so pleased you are enjoying this story. I'm having such fun with it. Warm hugs, my friend, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Your story should keep readers turning pages,
though maybe not late at night.
Margot should pay attention to the last syllable of her name
and get up and go, far away from this house.
Bessie reminds me of another Mitchell character named Mildred.
Seems she was a ghost too.
Perhaps Margot should go to the local cemetery
to see if there is marker for Meg.
Well written, well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Hello Sandra,
Your story should keep readers turning pages,
though maybe not late at night.
Margot should pay attention to the last syllable of her name
and get up and go, far away from this house.
Bessie reminds me of another Mitchell character named Mildred.
Seems she was a ghost too.
Perhaps Margot should go to the local cemetery
to see if there is marker for Meg.
Well written, well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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This is such a very encouraging encouraging review, Robert! Thank you so very much for that and the golden sixth star! I do like to have a Mildred-Bessie in my stories, people seem to like them, and they are usually as mad as the author! LOL. The cemetery is coming up soon. Great minds, my friend! :)) Thanks so much for this. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from tfawcus
It sounds to me as though Sir Thomas Lipton or the Tetley brothers might have started that rumour! A good way of squashing the competition!
You've achieved an eerie atmosphere with the ghostly resonance of the house, and it's nicely contrasted against the grounded practicality of Bessie, who provides an intriguing link between the two worlds. You've set a timebomb ticking with that last sentence!
Margot was awakened from a, mercifully, dreamless sleep, by the sun streaming through her window. I'm not an expert on commas, but I'd probably have dropped the last one here, especially as you've chosen to bracket 'mercifully' with commas rather than m-dashes.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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It sounds to me as though Sir Thomas Lipton or the Tetley brothers might have started that rumour! A good way of squashing the competition!
You've achieved an eerie atmosphere with the ghostly resonance of the house, and it's nicely contrasted against the grounded practicality of Bessie, who provides an intriguing link between the two worlds. You've set a timebomb ticking with that last sentence!
Margot was awakened from a, mercifully, dreamless sleep, by the sun streaming through her window. I'm not an expert on commas, but I'd probably have dropped the last one here, especially as you've chosen to bracket 'mercifully' with commas rather than m-dashes.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for this really lovely review and the wonderful sixth star, Tony! You aren't the only one to mention the commas in that sentence, so I've changed it now to...
Margot was awakened from a refreshingly dreamless sleep by the sun streaming through her window...
Now I'm not sure if I needed one in that sentence!! Lol.
I love the Lipton's and Tetley comment, who knows, that could be true! Thank you, my friend, I really appreciated your thoughts on this part. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Ric Myworld
You've sure set the stage for something bad to happen, and soon. Meg and Margot, could they be the same person, Margot back for another go around . . . I wonder. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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You've sure set the stage for something bad to happen, and soon. Meg and Margot, could they be the same person, Margot back for another go around . . . I wonder. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Yes, things will be happening soon, good or bad depends on a few things. But I do like happy endings, so we'll see. Thank you so much, my dear friend. Have a lovely week! Hugs and love, Sandra xxx