The Blue Billowy Dress
A Halloween Story for the contest15 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Great story! Very engaging and yes, that ghost made a good point and saved a life! Best wishes in the contest!!
Comments:
The formatting of dialogue should always put a new speaker in a separate paragraph like:
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Nobody," she says.
...
"Don't try to stop me," I say.
"I won't, by all means, life is not worth it after the love of your life leaves you for another girl," she says.
"Hey, if you are trying to save my life, I must say, you are very bad at it."
She smiles. "Point taken." etc.
"What? You are the worse. (worst)
watched many pictures (viewed, reviewed, scanned - something other than "watched" which implies seeing something that moves like a movie or video.)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Great story! Very engaging and yes, that ghost made a good point and saved a life! Best wishes in the contest!!
Comments:
The formatting of dialogue should always put a new speaker in a separate paragraph like:
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Nobody," she says.
...
"Don't try to stop me," I say.
"I won't, by all means, life is not worth it after the love of your life leaves you for another girl," she says.
"Hey, if you are trying to save my life, I must say, you are very bad at it."
She smiles. "Point taken." etc.
"What? You are the worse. (worst)
watched many pictures (viewed, reviewed, scanned - something other than "watched" which implies seeing something that moves like a movie or video.)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Oh, thank goodness. I was hoping you help me out. Thank you!
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Theodore McDowell
A virtual six for this one. Love your stretch from haiku to a wonderful and enchanting story for the contest. A nice change of pace from you, Gypsy, and I am very impressed!!!!!!!!! Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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A virtual six for this one. Love your stretch from haiku to a wonderful and enchanting story for the contest. A nice change of pace from you, Gypsy, and I am very impressed!!!!!!!!! Well done.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much, Theodore, you are very kind. Japanese poetry is my favorite but I can do other things. It's good to have a change of pace, as you say.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from royowen
I did like this, this blue billowy dress sounds like an angelic visitation, and it often happens, obviously there is a future plan and purpose on the board for her, even though it is fiction. Outstanding job, good luck Gypsy, well done blessings Roy.
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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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I did like this, this blue billowy dress sounds like an angelic visitation, and it often happens, obviously there is a future plan and purpose on the board for her, even though it is fiction. Outstanding job, good luck Gypsy, well done blessings Roy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much, Roy. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my story.
Gypsy hugs
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Most welcome
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You use your Haiku (and other such) skills admirably in this story to create wonderful description. But then you have also developed an outstanding storyline that draws the reader into the heart of the drama. I loved every word of it.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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You use your Haiku (and other such) skills admirably in this story to create wonderful description. But then you have also developed an outstanding storyline that draws the reader into the heart of the drama. I loved every word of it.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much, Katherine. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my story. Thank you for the exceptional review and six stars, my friend.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from L. Kalere
It's hard to believe that there are so many suicides on that bridge. Maybe it's beauty is too hard to bear for someone in deep pain. I've been on it, under it, and over it, and it never ceases to amaze. You're an excellent story teller... it was quite compelling. The image is perfect.
Best of luck in the contest.
Linda
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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It's hard to believe that there are so many suicides on that bridge. Maybe it's beauty is too hard to bear for someone in deep pain. I've been on it, under it, and over it, and it never ceases to amaze. You're an excellent story teller... it was quite compelling. The image is perfect.
Best of luck in the contest.
Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much, Linda. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my story.
Gypsy hugs