Fayette Flatts
A Tale Of Sweet Revenge33 total reviews
Comment from Giftedone.Eric Wallace .
Okay I feel you thank you for sharing great job very well written the writer is very creative you have a beautiful day and thanks again for sharing my friends
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2021
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Okay I feel you thank you for sharing great job very well written the writer is very creative you have a beautiful day and thanks again for sharing my friends
Comment Written 10-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Great story, but I want to know the secret! Your characters are authentic to the time and place and you have woven mystery into every sentence ...I enjoyed this story immensely but I still want to know the secret!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2021
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Great story, but I want to know the secret! Your characters are authentic to the time and place and you have woven mystery into every sentence ...I enjoyed this story immensely but I still want to know the secret!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2021
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Appreciate the review.
The secret is Shawn Silverman is not the killer.
He died protecting the real killer.
Know who that was?
Comment from Jeff Watkins
Brett, in one of the several creative writing advice books I have read, the author wrote that once an author tells the readers that a sunset is beautiful, the readers will not believe that a sunset is beautiful.
The author states the reason for the common dictum that creative writers must show rather than tell. Your story successfully develops plot, motives, and setting; however you often tell rather than show. A few examples:
reluctant, he confessed--What actions, thoughts, words show reluctance?
Delores jabbered--Write speech that demonstrates jabbering.
In explosive indignation--Write speech and description that communicates indignation.
aroused by Floyd's confession--Write thoughts, actions, description, and speech that depict arousal.
I hope you find my suggestions to be helpful. Jeff
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Brett, in one of the several creative writing advice books I have read, the author wrote that once an author tells the readers that a sunset is beautiful, the readers will not believe that a sunset is beautiful.
The author states the reason for the common dictum that creative writers must show rather than tell. Your story successfully develops plot, motives, and setting; however you often tell rather than show. A few examples:
reluctant, he confessed--What actions, thoughts, words show reluctance?
Delores jabbered--Write speech that demonstrates jabbering.
In explosive indignation--Write speech and description that communicates indignation.
aroused by Floyd's confession--Write thoughts, actions, description, and speech that depict arousal.
I hope you find my suggestions to be helpful. Jeff
Comment Written 07-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Appreciate your suggestions and the review.
Comment from Aspiring2Write
A great piece of literature. Doing fantastic. A interesting, compelling crime story. So many characters that fit with the story. Wish you the best in your beautiful writing.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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A great piece of literature. Doing fantastic. A interesting, compelling crime story. So many characters that fit with the story. Wish you the best in your beautiful writing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Jay Squires
Silverman tossed his lanky frame down on a high-backed Windsor chair loud enough for all the drunks in the one-room tavern to notice his arrival. Sawdust scattered. [I loved the way you followed the long sentence with a two word sentence, "Sawdust scattered" Talk about dramatic impact, Brett. That's an instance of your perfection of timing. I don't think it can be taught. It's part of the craftsman's development in the creative process. You needed to build up Shawn's swagger so that afterward it will contrast with Billie Olsen's calm, but no nonsense demeanor. So, he doesn't just throw himself onto the chair, but ... and here is where timing comes in ... SAWDUST SCATTERED.] What an image that is for the hungry reader's imagination to gnaw on.
And, still in the first paragraph, we discover the third-part objective observer, like a fly on the wall, taking it all in. The story will be told from his perspective.
His blood boiled. [Suggestion here: since you've already established this to be a third-person objective observer (by the use of the "I watched the scene unfold) you have to make scrupulous certainty that you, as writer, don't get into the head of any character but the observer. An easy fix here might be a change to, "From the look on his face, his blood must have been boiling."]
She was the one person in Silverman's life who could calm the mountaineer down when he raged. [Brett, I don't know how important that fly-on-the-wall narrator is to your story. If he's not important I would cut out that small segment that introduces him. This is as far in the story as I've gotten, but if you want to keep him as a "character" and you want to have the narrator's voice authentic throughout, you need to deal with the fact that you haven't provided the reader with knowledge that the "fly" has reason to say what he says. In this instance, before, "She was the one person ..." You could simply say something like, "I've known them both for years and I can tell you that ... "She was the one person ... etc." Now the "fly" is speaking from a position of knowledge.]
A red flag alerted Silverman an issue to be dealt with was about to be dropped on him. [Here again (though it's superbly written), the fly is getting into Silverman's mind and motivations. Again, a quick fix would be something like, "From the look on Silverman's face, a red flag .." etc. Since I know you see what I'm driving at, I won't bring out any more examples, and I'll continue reading ... and HONESTLY enjoying my read.]
It slid halfway across the floor. [Great image!]
Floyd bolted out the door in a hasty dash before Silverman got his grubby mitts around the derelict's throat. [Problem here with transitions. This places Silverman outside the bar. The next thing we know there is a couple and Silverman is sitting back down. I'm sorry. But this has me a tad confused.
Wet residue from the bottom of the sixteen ounce can left a ring in place. [Another great, solid, image!]
Clear of the tangled brambles, Floyd entered a swamp where mangrove and cypress trees, gnarled like knuckles on a withered hand, rooted deep in Pullman Hollow. [WHoa! That's good! "knuckles on a withered hand." I'll remember that for the next Halloween story.]
Orange tongues of heated flames engulfed Floyd's cabana. [Suggest another space between paragraphs to denote a change of scenes, Brett]
Silverman raised the barrel of his gun as though he intended to fire his weapon. Sheriff Plunkett squeezed off a round. [Death by cop! I don't know what gave me the impression that the setting was in the early west, not modern times. I guess the first scene suggested that.]
Wow! A great ending to the tale! I couldn't have asked for more.
I think you know how I'm going to end this: I am even more convinced, Brett, that you need to yank that first paragraph scene with the fly-on-the-wall. It serves no function, other than a dang good example of evocative writing, with him peeling the label of his fifth of Jack Daniels.
I truly hope my critique doesn't leave you with a feeling that I didn't enjoy your yarn. I truly did. You have a special gift of personal warmth you give the reader, a feeling that you've pulled your chair up next to him and smiled. "Here, let me have your attention for a minute. I promise you won't forget what I tell you, and you'll end up the better for it."
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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Silverman tossed his lanky frame down on a high-backed Windsor chair loud enough for all the drunks in the one-room tavern to notice his arrival. Sawdust scattered. [I loved the way you followed the long sentence with a two word sentence, "Sawdust scattered" Talk about dramatic impact, Brett. That's an instance of your perfection of timing. I don't think it can be taught. It's part of the craftsman's development in the creative process. You needed to build up Shawn's swagger so that afterward it will contrast with Billie Olsen's calm, but no nonsense demeanor. So, he doesn't just throw himself onto the chair, but ... and here is where timing comes in ... SAWDUST SCATTERED.] What an image that is for the hungry reader's imagination to gnaw on.
And, still in the first paragraph, we discover the third-part objective observer, like a fly on the wall, taking it all in. The story will be told from his perspective.
His blood boiled. [Suggestion here: since you've already established this to be a third-person objective observer (by the use of the "I watched the scene unfold) you have to make scrupulous certainty that you, as writer, don't get into the head of any character but the observer. An easy fix here might be a change to, "From the look on his face, his blood must have been boiling."]
She was the one person in Silverman's life who could calm the mountaineer down when he raged. [Brett, I don't know how important that fly-on-the-wall narrator is to your story. If he's not important I would cut out that small segment that introduces him. This is as far in the story as I've gotten, but if you want to keep him as a "character" and you want to have the narrator's voice authentic throughout, you need to deal with the fact that you haven't provided the reader with knowledge that the "fly" has reason to say what he says. In this instance, before, "She was the one person ..." You could simply say something like, "I've known them both for years and I can tell you that ... "She was the one person ... etc." Now the "fly" is speaking from a position of knowledge.]
A red flag alerted Silverman an issue to be dealt with was about to be dropped on him. [Here again (though it's superbly written), the fly is getting into Silverman's mind and motivations. Again, a quick fix would be something like, "From the look on Silverman's face, a red flag .." etc. Since I know you see what I'm driving at, I won't bring out any more examples, and I'll continue reading ... and HONESTLY enjoying my read.]
It slid halfway across the floor. [Great image!]
Floyd bolted out the door in a hasty dash before Silverman got his grubby mitts around the derelict's throat. [Problem here with transitions. This places Silverman outside the bar. The next thing we know there is a couple and Silverman is sitting back down. I'm sorry. But this has me a tad confused.
Wet residue from the bottom of the sixteen ounce can left a ring in place. [Another great, solid, image!]
Clear of the tangled brambles, Floyd entered a swamp where mangrove and cypress trees, gnarled like knuckles on a withered hand, rooted deep in Pullman Hollow. [WHoa! That's good! "knuckles on a withered hand." I'll remember that for the next Halloween story.]
Orange tongues of heated flames engulfed Floyd's cabana. [Suggest another space between paragraphs to denote a change of scenes, Brett]
Silverman raised the barrel of his gun as though he intended to fire his weapon. Sheriff Plunkett squeezed off a round. [Death by cop! I don't know what gave me the impression that the setting was in the early west, not modern times. I guess the first scene suggested that.]
Wow! A great ending to the tale! I couldn't have asked for more.
I think you know how I'm going to end this: I am even more convinced, Brett, that you need to yank that first paragraph scene with the fly-on-the-wall. It serves no function, other than a dang good example of evocative writing, with him peeling the label of his fifth of Jack Daniels.
I truly hope my critique doesn't leave you with a feeling that I didn't enjoy your yarn. I truly did. You have a special gift of personal warmth you give the reader, a feeling that you've pulled your chair up next to him and smiled. "Here, let me have your attention for a minute. I promise you won't forget what I tell you, and you'll end up the better for it."
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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So appreciate your review. Thorough, detailed.
Glad you enjoyed the tale.
This review a real keeper. Wish I could bookmark it somehow.
Thanks!
Comment from robyn corum
Brett,
So, I'm gonna assume Billie did the killing and set the fire? That's all I can figure. Though I do not know why Shawn would act like he was going to shoot the lawman - unless it was just to give her more time to escape. Hmmm...
Interesting story, for sure. Small towns always have intricate gossip running beneath the surface, don't they?
Also - gun 'barrel' is one 'l'. Thanks!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Brett,
So, I'm gonna assume Billie did the killing and set the fire? That's all I can figure. Though I do not know why Shawn would act like he was going to shoot the lawman - unless it was just to give her more time to escape. Hmmm...
Interesting story, for sure. Small towns always have intricate gossip running beneath the surface, don't they?
Also - gun 'barrel' is one 'l'. Thanks!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Appreciate the review and insight into who the killer was as well as why Silverman acted like he did.
Comment from Kooky Clown
I enjoyed reading this and your descriptions of the different characters was so good I could almost picture them in a shanty type bar in a town way back in the woods. I felt there was potential for more, time will tell. Kooky.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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I enjoyed reading this and your descriptions of the different characters was so good I could almost picture them in a shanty type bar in a town way back in the woods. I felt there was potential for more, time will tell. Kooky.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Good luck in the contest for this excellent story my friend! This is very well written and the storyline is captivating, keeping you anticipating what is next!
May God bless you and your family;-) Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Good luck in the contest for this excellent story my friend! This is very well written and the storyline is captivating, keeping you anticipating what is next!
May God bless you and your family;-) Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this post8ng. Appreciate the review.
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;-)
Comment from Tpa
Terrific story. Enjoyed your characterization. I liked your word usage of a Cancer stick in place of a cigarette. Good ending. How did the sheriff just happen to be there?
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Terrific story. Enjoyed your characterization. I liked your word usage of a Cancer stick in place of a cigarette. Good ending. How did the sheriff just happen to be there?
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from nomi338
It is exceedingly disturbing to be forced to watch a tragedy unfold before your eyes and you know that there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You could scream out a warning but unfortunately the soon to be victim will not hear it. This story has all of the key elements of forcing the eyewitnesses to watch in horror as the tragic end slowly unfolds before them.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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It is exceedingly disturbing to be forced to watch a tragedy unfold before your eyes and you know that there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You could scream out a warning but unfortunately the soon to be victim will not hear it. This story has all of the key elements of forcing the eyewitnesses to watch in horror as the tragic end slowly unfolds before them.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
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I am glad you chose towrite it. It is a grim reminder that we as humans are not always able to prevent a tragedy from occurring. It is enough, I think to care.