Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 56"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
19 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Mason's going to be really angry about being bonked on the head. LOL I have a feeling Sofia will talk to Cassidy. At least I hope so.
and dropped the girl on the sofa next to Miguel. (sofa beside Miguel)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Mason's going to be really angry about being bonked on the head. LOL I have a feeling Sofia will talk to Cassidy. At least I hope so.
and dropped the girl on the sofa next to Miguel. (sofa beside Miguel)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from karenina
A frying pan? Hah! For all of Mason's sinister finagling he gets unceremoniously bonked on the head with a frying pan! Sort of comic relief for the moment!
Cassidy talking with Sofia is brillant...
Karenina
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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A frying pan? Hah! For all of Mason's sinister finagling he gets unceremoniously bonked on the head with a frying pan! Sort of comic relief for the moment!
Cassidy talking with Sofia is brillant...
Karenina
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
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I so understand! Can't believe you posted chapter 59! Grace was under pressure....
Karenina
Comment from rama devi
Excellent writing. Since I've not read previous chapters, it's a sign of good writing that I was immediately drawn in to the scene and got a sentence of the characters. Very well paced. Almost spag free, too. The dialog-riven chapter works superbly but there is one issue in that some of the dialog would be improved by using contractions since it is an intense scene and people would more naturally speak using contractions in that context.
Optional suggestions:
*The Land Rover is blocking my view."
The Land Rover's blocking my view."
*Then block the doorway so if someone comes in the window."
Then block the doorway in case someone comes in the window."
*"I think our visitor is getting out of the car."
"I think our visitor's getting out of the car."
*
"My knife? Are you crazy? I will defend you with my life,
"My knife? Are you crazy? I'll defend you with my life,
*
"While you're messing with her, someone is coming. The knife will not protect both of us if someone shoots."
"While you're messing with her, someone's coming. The knife won't protect both of us if someone shoots."
*Spag corrections:
Take the stool(,) and put it behind the door. Wait for the door to open(,) and smack the frying pan against our visitor's head. Hurry!"
Garth's furrowed browed(BROW) and anxious demeanor showed things weren't going as planned.
Great job.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Excellent writing. Since I've not read previous chapters, it's a sign of good writing that I was immediately drawn in to the scene and got a sentence of the characters. Very well paced. Almost spag free, too. The dialog-riven chapter works superbly but there is one issue in that some of the dialog would be improved by using contractions since it is an intense scene and people would more naturally speak using contractions in that context.
Optional suggestions:
*The Land Rover is blocking my view."
The Land Rover's blocking my view."
*Then block the doorway so if someone comes in the window."
Then block the doorway in case someone comes in the window."
*"I think our visitor is getting out of the car."
"I think our visitor's getting out of the car."
*
"My knife? Are you crazy? I will defend you with my life,
"My knife? Are you crazy? I'll defend you with my life,
*
"While you're messing with her, someone is coming. The knife will not protect both of us if someone shoots."
"While you're messing with her, someone's coming. The knife won't protect both of us if someone shoots."
*Spag corrections:
Take the stool(,) and put it behind the door. Wait for the door to open(,) and smack the frying pan against our visitor's head. Hurry!"
Garth's furrowed browed(BROW) and anxious demeanor showed things weren't going as planned.
Great job.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Hello, my friend. I remember you from way back when I started, and now I've returned. I am honored that you stopped by to read a chapter of my story. I fully agree with your suggestions. I stopped writing that way because many reviews thought I was showing possession or plurals... honestly, it was easier just to write it out instead of how I would speak. When I rewrite it before submitting it to the committee, I will certainly give it my best shot to correct it. It sounds more natural. Also, ProWriterAid (my software) often doesn't want a comma before the and so I am confused about when to use it. I put it there, and the software takes it away. It thinks it's smarter than me (it probably is).
REgardless I thank you for taking the time to point it out and I will work on it. I am thrilled when the reader connects with my characters and enjoys the story.
Smiles, Carol
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Warm welcome back, Carol! I remember you. I'm less active here these days. The rule with AND relates to whether the final clause in the sentence is dependent or independent. When the latter, you need a comma. That means, if the verbs share the same subject (dependent), then you don't use a comma. If each verb use a different subject, then you use a comma.
Warmly,
rd
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Intense! You continue to nail the dialog and develop the characters.
https://www.google.com/search?q=english+to+spanish
is he dead=>esta muerto
I don't understand the following exchange:
Give me your knife, Tito."
"My knife? Are you crazy? I will defend you with my life, Miguel, but I won't surrender. No white flags for Tito."
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Intense! You continue to nail the dialog and develop the characters.
https://www.google.com/search?q=english+to+spanish
is he dead=>esta muerto
I don't understand the following exchange:
Give me your knife, Tito."
"My knife? Are you crazy? I will defend you with my life, Miguel, but I won't surrender. No white flags for Tito."
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
No, no, no, he can't kill little Annie! I hope Sofia will open up to Cassidy, but the shock of seeing her alive might do her in. Great story, good dialogue in this chapter. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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No, no, no, he can't kill little Annie! I hope Sofia will open up to Cassidy, but the shock of seeing her alive might do her in. Great story, good dialogue in this chapter. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
I love it that they hit their boss over the head. I assumed he came to the cabin because the plane wasn't able to take off. Maybe there is another reason. I'm anxious to know if Cassidy can get Sofia to talk.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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I love it that they hit their boss over the head. I assumed he came to the cabin because the plane wasn't able to take off. Maybe there is another reason. I'm anxious to know if Cassidy can get Sofia to talk.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from pookietoo
Nice short story that I enjoyed reading. Keep up with the story writing. Good luck to you always and best wishes to you. Keep smiling and sharing your feelings with us.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Nice short story that I enjoyed reading. Keep up with the story writing. Good luck to you always and best wishes to you. Keep smiling and sharing your feelings with us.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on my story. Your time and words are greatly appreciated.
Smiles, Carol
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Surr
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter 56 from the book Secrets in the Winds of the Mystery and Crime Fiction speaks the thematic taletelling simply but interestingly thru orderly plot development backed by dialogues realistic, progresses to the mystery revelation; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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This Chapter 56 from the book Secrets in the Winds of the Mystery and Crime Fiction speaks the thematic taletelling simply but interestingly thru orderly plot development backed by dialogues realistic, progresses to the mystery revelation; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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thank you Al for stopping by to read and comment on my story. Your time and words are greatly appreciated.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What an intense scene! But back in my mind, I thought it might not be an enemy who is coming in. I was right. Maybe you are heightening the drama too much at the beginning. Maybe you are trying to give us a surprise. The FBI and investigator are partying.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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What an intense scene! But back in my mind, I thought it might not be an enemy who is coming in. I was right. Maybe you are heightening the drama too much at the beginning. Maybe you are trying to give us a surprise. The FBI and investigator are partying.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Even though the guys work for Mason, he is not loyal to anyone. He wouldn't think twice to kill them.
The saying "Let's get this partying going" meant they were headed into town to interrogate Sofia...it's just an expression with some people. LOL
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it very much. Smiles and hugs, Carol