Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Secrets in the Wind - Chapter 25"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
16 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Magnificent winery scene. Stunning transformation vividly described. Intense interaction and cliff-hanger ending.
sugg: tightening the final line: e.g.,
"We need to talk."
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Magnificent winery scene. Stunning transformation vividly described. Intense interaction and cliff-hanger ending.
sugg: tightening the final line: e.g.,
"We need to talk."
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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thanks for the awesome review and I loved the fact you found the winery scene a powerful one.
I am confused by your suggestion of tightening the final line....I did say, "We need to talk." did you want me to leave something else out of the line?
Help the old lady out!
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I mean to simply say "We need to talk." The reader can infer the caller picked up and that Darryl spoke into the phone.
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got ya! Thanks!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Please don't cut down on your dialogue, it is perfect and takes the story forward without too much telling. You certainly don't want that! You have it all in the right quantities. Now, Cynthia will have to have a rethink, and who is Darryl phoning? I don't like that. Is he one of the bad guys now? I hope not. Does he know about the gold? Hmm. I'm beginning to get very suspicious. Well done, Carol, you have added more layers than my granny's underwear! Loved it, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Please don't cut down on your dialogue, it is perfect and takes the story forward without too much telling. You certainly don't want that! You have it all in the right quantities. Now, Cynthia will have to have a rethink, and who is Darryl phoning? I don't like that. Is he one of the bad guys now? I hope not. Does he know about the gold? Hmm. I'm beginning to get very suspicious. Well done, Carol, you have added more layers than my granny's underwear! Loved it, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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I'm glad you like the dialogue...I do too. I love to have my characters giving tit for tat... can't do that is describing a room. lol Suspicion is good... But who is doing what?
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I meant to give you a six for this, but it slipped back. I couldn't change it after I'd saved. I gave poor Liz a 1 last week, fortunately she knew it was an accident. I think I'm going to the dogs, Carol! :(( xxx
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there is always another chapter. thank you for trying. You just might need it later on this week. LOL
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I still have it for you! I'll keep it safe. xxxx
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You are the best!
All kinds of evil are flying around my mind at the moment... deciding which one to expose first. LOL
Comment from Judy Lawless
You sure are taking some twists and turns with this Carol. It's hard to determine the bad guys from the good ones at times. That keeps us coming back. Well done.
One little thing: "lined the walls inside of(remove) the barn."
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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You sure are taking some twists and turns with this Carol. It's hard to determine the bad guys from the good ones at times. That keeps us coming back. Well done.
One little thing: "lined the walls inside of(remove) the barn."
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Thanks, Judy...Are you safely back home now?
I appreciate the review and your suggestion...fixed! i hope you love the twists and turns as much as I do.
Smiles, Carol
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Yes, Carol, I arrived home on Thursday evening. From what I heard from friends who live in the BC interior, if I were there this week I might not get out. Many roads are closed between there and Vancouver, where I had to fly from.
I do like the twists and turns in your story.
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I am glad that you made it home safely. Welcome home and take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
And the plot thickens, which makes me start thinking about a stew. My simple mind that always revolves around food and a good read. You supply the read, and I'll run out to a restaurant, rather than cooking. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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And the plot thickens, which makes me start thinking about a stew. My simple mind that always revolves around food and a good read. You supply the read, and I'll run out to a restaurant, rather than cooking. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Hey...if I have to remain tied to the computer writing till I go blind...you can at least cook (you do know how, right?). Because if you don't, I don't want to hear about a huge kitchen fire and the house exploding....so a restaurant will be fine.
thanks for the awesome review, the stars and the laughter.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Very nice chapter, but still a little heavy on dialogue. You stayed with Cynthia's point of view right up until the end. Suggest inserting asterisks before the last two paragraphs which are from Darryl's POV. You are building the suspense and leaving the reader wanting to know more, more, more. Just what will Darryl's role be? I was surprised that Cynthia revealed as much as she did. But she got answers, even if they weren't what she expected. Darryl lied to her, but about how many things? Keep the chapters coming.
Head Librarian and the Mayor ==> no caps -- Unless it is Head Librarian Doris Wilcox, or Mayor Woods, head librarian and mayor should be treated no differently than plumber or carpenter. They're generic terms.
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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Very nice chapter, but still a little heavy on dialogue. You stayed with Cynthia's point of view right up until the end. Suggest inserting asterisks before the last two paragraphs which are from Darryl's POV. You are building the suspense and leaving the reader wanting to know more, more, more. Just what will Darryl's role be? I was surprised that Cynthia revealed as much as she did. But she got answers, even if they weren't what she expected. Darryl lied to her, but about how many things? Keep the chapters coming.
Head Librarian and the Mayor ==> no caps -- Unless it is Head Librarian Doris Wilcox, or Mayor Woods, head librarian and mayor should be treated no differently than plumber or carpenter. They're generic terms.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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She kind of lied as well...saying the map was about the territory and that the mayor was involved. She made it sound like it was all about a research paper. Yes, and Darryl doesn't trust her either.
I saw your name and thought...okay I've got my work cut out for me. I did try to add more visual description so i hope that was good. Thanks for the help and the review.
Smiles, Carol
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You are working harder and seem to be overcoming some old habits. You can certainly spin a tale that makes people want to keep on reading!
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Thank you... That's the biggest compliment someone could give me.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh yes, Cynthia is going to be a problem. Hopefully Darryl can help solve it, but...is he in Mason's pocket. I doubt Garth and Hank have him on their side. Hmmm.
She turned back toward Darryl and smiled, "The vanilla scent filling the room is a charming start, but I could dream of so much more." (period needed after smiled, it's not a speech tag)
"Something wrong, Cyn?" I thought you'd be ecstatic when you saw it." (Quotation marks after 'Cyn?' aren't needed.)
Cynthia patted his hand and smiled, (period needed after smiled, it's not a speech tag)
Darryl shrugged, "I rarely get up that direction since I'm tending the winery so much. (period needed after shrugged, it's not a speech tag)
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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Oh yes, Cynthia is going to be a problem. Hopefully Darryl can help solve it, but...is he in Mason's pocket. I doubt Garth and Hank have him on their side. Hmmm.
She turned back toward Darryl and smiled, "The vanilla scent filling the room is a charming start, but I could dream of so much more." (period needed after smiled, it's not a speech tag)
"Something wrong, Cyn?" I thought you'd be ecstatic when you saw it." (Quotation marks after 'Cyn?' aren't needed.)
Cynthia patted his hand and smiled, (period needed after smiled, it's not a speech tag)
Darryl shrugged, "I rarely get up that direction since I'm tending the winery so much. (period needed after shrugged, it's not a speech tag)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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thank you for your suggestions, Barbara...Fixed.
I am thrilled that you are enjoying the story. Cynthia definitely wasn't thrilled with Darryl's surprise. So much is about to happen...for so many.
Smiles, Carol