A Slow Demise
a 5-7-5 poetic form31 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Mel,
I'll just be totally honest with you. I really like everything about this poem except the 'murder'. The poem is exceptionally original. I like every bit of the verbiage individually - every one of them. Except 'murder.' Here's why. That word is just so overdone when combined with darkness and/or ravens or crows, etc.
I don't know if you'll care, I'm just saying - the poem is perfectly fine as is. Thank you!!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Mel,
I'll just be totally honest with you. I really like everything about this poem except the 'murder'. The poem is exceptionally original. I like every bit of the verbiage individually - every one of them. Except 'murder.' Here's why. That word is just so overdone when combined with darkness and/or ravens or crows, etc.
I don't know if you'll care, I'm just saying - the poem is perfectly fine as is. Thank you!!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Hello dear Robyn. Thank you very much for your wonderful comments!! Much appreciated.
I can easily understand the overkill on this word... but it was sooo perfect :)
Melissa
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I know!! I know!! And that?s why we alllll. Love to use it so much!!! Haha
Comment from Begin Again
Amiable watchman.... what a clever use for the happy, unassuming scarecrow who keeps smiling as the crows pick and borrow his straw. Much like a few people I know...take and take some more because the giver doesn't know how to say no.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Amiable watchman.... what a clever use for the happy, unassuming scarecrow who keeps smiling as the crows pick and borrow his straw. Much like a few people I know...take and take some more because the giver doesn't know how to say no.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Thank you Carol. Yes, the moral is right there for all of us to see.... people can slowly pick someone else apart. I appreciate your time and hope you have a lovely day!
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Thank you Carol. Yes, the moral is right there for all of us to see.... people can slowly pick someone else apart. I appreciate your time and hope you have a lovely day!
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Thank you Carol. Yes, the moral is right there for all of us to see.... people can slowly pick someone else apart. I appreciate your time and hope you have a lovely day!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork, Melissa.
-A well written poem with
good syllable count and topic.
-The imagery is very good
from depleting the stuffing
to the "amiable watchman."
-A good concluding line, too.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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-Great artwork, Melissa.
-A well written poem with
good syllable count and topic.
-The imagery is very good
from depleting the stuffing
to the "amiable watchman."
-A good concluding line, too.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Thank you Pam. I just looked at that artwork and those pesky crows just spoke to me. LOL. appreciate you, my friend.
Melissa
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You are very welcome, Melissa, I would find it hard to write about crows, although that artwork was great!!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I love the artwork of the scare crow and your ekphrastic poem about the same. A great use of words for your 5-7-5 poems. Very cleverly thought out. Enjoyed the read, and good luck in the contest.
cheers.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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I love the artwork of the scare crow and your ekphrastic poem about the same. A great use of words for your 5-7-5 poems. Very cleverly thought out. Enjoyed the read, and good luck in the contest.
cheers.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Hello Pearl. Thank you so much for your lovely comments.
Melissa
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I only recently learned--from a poem on here--about this definition of "murder." Your 5-7-5 poem is well-written and charming in its description and message. Cute artwork
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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I only recently learned--from a poem on here--about this definition of "murder." Your 5-7-5 poem is well-written and charming in its description and message. Cute artwork
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Hello Janice. Thanks so much. Yes, that pesky murder of crows was committing scarecrow murder ;). Glad you liked it.
Melissa
Comment from MissMerri
How very clever you are! This is cute and fun and a wonderful entry in the 5-7-5 contest. I loved your term for the scarecrow... "amiable watchman." This one certainly does look amiable, and rarely are they ever cross or cranky. No wonder the crows have no fear. This is just wonderful. Much good luck in this crowded contest. (I think I'll stay out of it.)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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How very clever you are! This is cute and fun and a wonderful entry in the 5-7-5 contest. I loved your term for the scarecrow... "amiable watchman." This one certainly does look amiable, and rarely are they ever cross or cranky. No wonder the crows have no fear. This is just wonderful. Much good luck in this crowded contest. (I think I'll stay out of it.)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021
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Hi Adonna. You Muuuust enter the contest. Your work is so good and always stands out above the crowd! Thanks for your lovely words.
Melissa
Comment from lyenochka
That's a perfect use of that group name "murder of crows." It doesn't seem quite a sinister when they are unstuffing a "scarecrow" while proving they aren't scared of him at all. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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That's a perfect use of that group name "murder of crows." It doesn't seem quite a sinister when they are unstuffing a "scarecrow" while proving they aren't scared of him at all. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thanks so much Helen. I don't know where this one came from... I have been so busy that I am getting rusty! Ha..
Melissa
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Loved it! I think you'll do well in the contest!
Comment from royowen
I love the collective nouns for groups of animals, and the murder of crows collective, works really well Melissa, I like the artwork which works in their favour, beautifully written my friend, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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I love the collective nouns for groups of animals, and the murder of crows collective, works really well Melissa, I like the artwork which works in their favour, beautifully written my friend, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hello Roy. Thank you so much. I personally think ... slow murder by crows... would be a better punch line, but a murder of crows does that play on word thing. LOL. Just a bit of fun.
Melissa
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It would be more original,
Comment from Ulla
Hi Melissa. I'm learning here. I never knew a group of crows is called a murder. If you hadn't said so I would have read this lovely 5-7-5 in a whole different light. Now it's suddenly become quite funny. I love it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hi Melissa. I'm learning here. I never knew a group of crows is called a murder. If you hadn't said so I would have read this lovely 5-7-5 in a whole different light. Now it's suddenly become quite funny. I love it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hey Ulla. I thought a little play on words would be fun. Thanks so much, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Slow Demise
by Sugarray77
I love writing about crows. I know the word for a group of Crows is called a murder... it's interesting. Good syllables count and connection between lines. Nice presentation and imagery. It reminded me of the wizard of oz. Good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Slow Demise
by Sugarray77
I love writing about crows. I know the word for a group of Crows is called a murder... it's interesting. Good syllables count and connection between lines. Nice presentation and imagery. It reminded me of the wizard of oz. Good luck.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hey Gypsy. Thanks a lot. I enjoyed using a play on words as the third line... but, it does require the notes for it to make sense. Personally, I think the phrase... slow murder by crows... is better, but I wanted that twist on the words.
Melissa