Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Betrayal FINAL PART "In the title.
38 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Lovely closing chapter wrapping up all the loose ends. The reunion in Bahamas two-and-a-half years later gives just the right amount of distance to allow the retrospective view and to show us the fruits of new beginnings. Beautifully done. Such a good story, Sandra. Good luck with publication.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Lovely closing chapter wrapping up all the loose ends. The reunion in Bahamas two-and-a-half years later gives just the right amount of distance to allow the retrospective view and to show us the fruits of new beginnings. Beautifully done. Such a good story, Sandra. Good luck with publication.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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It's been a fun journey, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it, Tony. Thank you so much for this really lovely review, and the golden star. Your words put a big smile on my face! Now to do the editing and tidying up. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did an excellent job, Sandra, with this finale. I enjoyed reading it. You tied up all the loose ends perfectly. I could see Monica and Jeff then Grant and Tania marrying. You described their kids and Latifah's well. The part where you said 'bedlam' was great. I like the ending--having the main characters discuss the prior events and bring them to a close.
Congratulations on your book!
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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You did an excellent job, Sandra, with this finale. I enjoyed reading it. You tied up all the loose ends perfectly. I could see Monica and Jeff then Grant and Tania marrying. You described their kids and Latifah's well. The part where you said 'bedlam' was great. I like the ending--having the main characters discuss the prior events and bring them to a close.
Congratulations on your book!
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Aw, thank you so very for this lovely review, Jan, and that golden star. You often said you thought Monica and Jeff should get married, lol. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the ending, my friend, thanks for being so supportive and also for all the help you gave me. I really appreciated it all. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Sandra, a beautiful finale to a superbly written novel. This has all the elements of a perfect story written to perfection. Your best in my opinion but I'm confident there will be more to come. You have found your niche in the literary field. I wish you all the luck in the world.
I am neither reading nor reviewing at present, but enjoyed weaving through your story. It was good to read if and when I felt like it, sometimes reading till I grew tired.
I am not Al at present. Became ill on 8 June, taken at 3 am in an ambulance for blood tests, etc. in the course of which they found fluid on my left lung - they drained off one litre (a litre lighter in weight than I was before LOL). I can't say I felt good, but could have been worse. Not bad really - thankfully they found no trace in the fluid of cancer cells.
I went down hill a bit and this last Thursday I went to RUH again for blood tests and was disappointed to find fluid had built up again - one and a half litres drained off this time. So love is not a bed of roses at present, but could be worse. At least I am up and about. Just need to find out the cause. Next appointment - who knows - there may be an answer. Always look on the bright side - all the best with love Dorothy xxx
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hello Sandra, a beautiful finale to a superbly written novel. This has all the elements of a perfect story written to perfection. Your best in my opinion but I'm confident there will be more to come. You have found your niche in the literary field. I wish you all the luck in the world.
I am neither reading nor reviewing at present, but enjoyed weaving through your story. It was good to read if and when I felt like it, sometimes reading till I grew tired.
I am not Al at present. Became ill on 8 June, taken at 3 am in an ambulance for blood tests, etc. in the course of which they found fluid on my left lung - they drained off one litre (a litre lighter in weight than I was before LOL). I can't say I felt good, but could have been worse. Not bad really - thankfully they found no trace in the fluid of cancer cells.
I went down hill a bit and this last Thursday I went to RUH again for blood tests and was disappointed to find fluid had built up again - one and a half litres drained off this time. So love is not a bed of roses at present, but could be worse. At least I am up and about. Just need to find out the cause. Next appointment - who knows - there may be an answer. Always look on the bright side - all the best with love Dorothy xxx
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Oh, Dorothy! You have to keep me up to date and let me know how you are getting on. That is awful that the fluid came back again, but glad there wasn't any sign of cancer. That would have been worrying. Don't ever worry about reading and reviewing, you need to concentrate on you!
It makes me even more grateful that you managed to read this finale part of this novel, you're right, I do enjoy writing them and will do more. But first I'm going to write another story/poem colouring book now for children. The first one is doing so well.
Thank you so much, my friend, for reading and for the lovely sixth star. Please do let me know how you are getting on. I'll pm you now. Warm hugs, and much love. Sandra xxxx
Comment from MissMerri
It seems you have very neatly tied up all the loose ends and answered every question your readers might possibly have about the outcome of the story. Also, this is such a happy and satisfying ending for everyone we cared about. I only saw a couple of typos which is amazing in a long piece. You must be an excellent editor. Your writing is professional and your story most enjoyable. I can hardly wait to see what is coming next.
......the four of them pored (poured?) over the designs,
......With her eyes were (delete were) so misted with tears, Tania could hardly see him anymore.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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It seems you have very neatly tied up all the loose ends and answered every question your readers might possibly have about the outcome of the story. Also, this is such a happy and satisfying ending for everyone we cared about. I only saw a couple of typos which is amazing in a long piece. You must be an excellent editor. Your writing is professional and your story most enjoyable. I can hardly wait to see what is coming next.
......the four of them pored (poured?) over the designs,
......With her eyes were (delete were) so misted with tears, Tania could hardly see him anymore.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you for reading my final part, Addona, and for the lovely compliment. That was really kind of you.
The two typos, only one is wrong and that was where I'd put.. her eyes [were] which thanks to you I've now deleted.
The other one, poured - pore. I did have 'poured' originally, but was picked up on it. So I Googled it with the UK spelling dictionary. Poured, is to pour suger, water, pour your heart out... etc, whilst, Pore, is to pore over a book, pore over the old photographs, pored over the designs ....etc. I have no idea how many times over the years I've written it wrong, but thankfully Liz put me right. At 74, I'm still learning how to spell!!!
Thank you again, my friend. I'll be writing poetry until I've edited and sorted this novel out. And then I'll bring out my new story that has been going around my head for the past few months. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the ending. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Sanku
Thank you very much for giving us a lovely romantic and thrilling story .You have tied up almost all the loose ends and the ending is fabulous . Hope you will come with more such work.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you very much for giving us a lovely romantic and thrilling story .You have tied up almost all the loose ends and the ending is fabulous . Hope you will come with more such work.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Sanku, for your lovely thoughts on the last chapter. I'm delighted you enjoyed how it ended. Now to give it a good edit and get it published. Warm hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from J.R. Michael
Coming in this story late but I was intrigued as to what had transpired before. Most of the exposition from the dialogue felt natural and well paced. At times a few descriptors come off as redundant ex: "beating heart pumped." It does not allow for the flow that most of the piece accomplishes. I'm a sucker for happy endings. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Coming in this story late but I was intrigued as to what had transpired before. Most of the exposition from the dialogue felt natural and well paced. At times a few descriptors come off as redundant ex: "beating heart pumped." It does not allow for the flow that most of the piece accomplishes. I'm a sucker for happy endings. Nicely done.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hi, J.R. Welome to FS! Yes, this is the final part, all ends tied up and some. It's been a long journey to get here. Now I'll have a break and write some children's story/poems for a while before beginning my next novel. It would be nice to have you on board. I'll check that sentence out and change it. Now comes the big edit, so your comment was most appreciated. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Warm hugs, Sandra :))
Comment from Cindy Warren
I loved the story. I can imagine how Colin and his mother are enjoying prison life. Rapier appears to have had something cooked up, but it doesn't seem to have worked out for him. Glad everyone else is having a great life.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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I loved the story. I can imagine how Colin and his mother are enjoying prison life. Rapier appears to have had something cooked up, but it doesn't seem to have worked out for him. Glad everyone else is having a great life.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you for another lovely review, Cindy, and for all the support you have given me along the way. I've really appreciated it. Warm hugs my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
CongratulationSSSSSS on completion! This is a magnificent wrap-up--just as I had hoped for--marriage and children and the bad guys put away for good. SSSSSStupendous. CheerSSSSSS. LIZ
sugg:
As their newest architect, he wanted to ensure Tania would now feel she was an important part of the company. (as written, architect refers to him)
SUGG:
He wanted to ensure their newest architect would now feel she was an important part of the company.
With the plans sheâ??d drawn up laid out on the desk, the four of them poured=>PORED over the designs
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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CongratulationSSSSSS on completion! This is a magnificent wrap-up--just as I had hoped for--marriage and children and the bad guys put away for good. SSSSSStupendous. CheerSSSSSS. LIZ
sugg:
As their newest architect, he wanted to ensure Tania would now feel she was an important part of the company. (as written, architect refers to him)
SUGG:
He wanted to ensure their newest architect would now feel she was an important part of the company.
With the plans sheâ??d drawn up laid out on the desk, the four of them poured=>PORED over the designs
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you so very much, Liz! I'm chuffed to bits you enjoyed the ending and gave it a six star award!!! I've changed that stupid spelling mistake, (I shook my head when I saw that!) And, I've used your suggestion for that sentence. Yes, you were right and yours is so much better! Thanks for your constant support throughout this story, my friend, I've really appreciated every review. Warm hugs, have a wonderful week!! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from blondie560
Excellent ending Sandra! How sweet they got married and have children the same age together.
I think Colin should have gotten more than 14 years for kidnapping and the assault on Tania. How about the stealing of her intellectual property? I think you should have given him a minimum of 25 years! One question-did we ever know why Grant didn't trust women, besides his absentee mother? Was he cheated on? I can't remember.
Have a lovely week, Sandra. I'm going to miss Grant and Tania. Hugs:) Sally
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Excellent ending Sandra! How sweet they got married and have children the same age together.
I think Colin should have gotten more than 14 years for kidnapping and the assault on Tania. How about the stealing of her intellectual property? I think you should have given him a minimum of 25 years! One question-did we ever know why Grant didn't trust women, besides his absentee mother? Was he cheated on? I can't remember.
Have a lovely week, Sandra. I'm going to miss Grant and Tania. Hugs:) Sally
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you, sweet Sally! You have been the best since the first chapter and what lovely reviews you've always given me. You have no idea how much I've looked forward to them.
Yes, Grant was married and came home from a particularly bad stint in the SAS only to find the 'surprise' of his return he'd hoped to give his wife turned into a bigger surprise for him. He found her in bed with a friend of his. It's quite a way back in the story so I can understand you not remembering.
I did put 20 years to begin with for Colin. I know our sentences are much lower than yours in America, but I wish they were more in line with yours. I think I'll Google it to see if I can give him a longer sentence. Thanks for bringing that up. I want this to be believable. Thank you for this last review, my dear friend, and the six stars. I remember you saying after the first chapter in your review that you would be saving me a six for every chapter, and you did!! You are amazing! Sending you much love and hugs. Have a lovely week. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
All's well that ends well. Congratulations on a great story and I hope you have much success with it. It wouldn't be me if I didn't find something to quibble about so, for what it's worth, I offer the following: :))
'I think we've gone over these blueprints enough, we can't get them any more perfect than Tania has drawn them up. - replace comma with a period
She'd always had Latifah and Monica, not to mention the team, around. - I might have rearranged this a little to 'She'd always had Latifah and Monica around, not to mention the team.' Leaving 'around' sticking out on the end doesn't read so well.
Slipping the short stem between his fingers so the bell bottom fitted snugly in his palm, Grant twirled the brandy around in the glass watching it catch the light as it moved. - comma after 'glass'
'I've been wanting to do this all day,' he murmured, tipping her chin up with his finger, he brought his lips down and with such gentleness, his lips met hers. - period after 'finger', comma after 'and'
I want so much to grow old with you, have babies with you, I want to build my life around you.' - I would make 'I want to build my life around you' a new sentence so period after 'you'
When Monica saw Tania, she let out the loudest shriek, many of the other travellers turned to stare at her. - maybe 'On seeing Tania, Monica let out the loudest shriek, causing many of the other travellers to stare at her.'
Identical in every way; their parents knew there'd be plenty of fun and games as they grew-up. - replace semi-colon with a comma, delete hyphen.
This was the first time Monica had seen Tania Leanne since her birth, almost three years ago, and was so pleased to see the little girl again. - Maybe 'Having not seen Tania Leanne since her birth, almost three years ago, Monica was thrilled to see the little girl.' But really, there is nothing wrong with your version.
'Looks like you need some help,' Peter came up, hand stretched out to shake Jeff's. - I would have said 'hand out-stretched'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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All's well that ends well. Congratulations on a great story and I hope you have much success with it. It wouldn't be me if I didn't find something to quibble about so, for what it's worth, I offer the following: :))
'I think we've gone over these blueprints enough, we can't get them any more perfect than Tania has drawn them up. - replace comma with a period
She'd always had Latifah and Monica, not to mention the team, around. - I might have rearranged this a little to 'She'd always had Latifah and Monica around, not to mention the team.' Leaving 'around' sticking out on the end doesn't read so well.
Slipping the short stem between his fingers so the bell bottom fitted snugly in his palm, Grant twirled the brandy around in the glass watching it catch the light as it moved. - comma after 'glass'
'I've been wanting to do this all day,' he murmured, tipping her chin up with his finger, he brought his lips down and with such gentleness, his lips met hers. - period after 'finger', comma after 'and'
I want so much to grow old with you, have babies with you, I want to build my life around you.' - I would make 'I want to build my life around you' a new sentence so period after 'you'
When Monica saw Tania, she let out the loudest shriek, many of the other travellers turned to stare at her. - maybe 'On seeing Tania, Monica let out the loudest shriek, causing many of the other travellers to stare at her.'
Identical in every way; their parents knew there'd be plenty of fun and games as they grew-up. - replace semi-colon with a comma, delete hyphen.
This was the first time Monica had seen Tania Leanne since her birth, almost three years ago, and was so pleased to see the little girl again. - Maybe 'Having not seen Tania Leanne since her birth, almost three years ago, Monica was thrilled to see the little girl.' But really, there is nothing wrong with your version.
'Looks like you need some help,' Peter came up, hand stretched out to shake Jeff's. - I would have said 'hand out-stretched'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for this, Judy, I really appreciated it. I'll be doing a thorough edit from the beginning now, just to make sure I've caught them all. In the meantime, I'll be writing another children's poem story/colouring book. Something that doesn't tax my brain. My new novel will begin in a few weeks time. Earlier if I finish everything else sooner. Thank you so much for all your help over the months, and the support you've given me. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx