Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Genius in Love, Scene 14"In Search of a Soul
28 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is quite a surprise. I didn't realize the Jax's marriage is in so much trouble or that Mr. Jax was so upset (or perhaps I missed an act in between this act and Cornelius being so worried about Jennie's non appearance.) That does not mean you have left a hole in the story. This does make a good follow-up to Cornelius's anxiety. The dialogue is very well written.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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This is quite a surprise. I didn't realize the Jax's marriage is in so much trouble or that Mr. Jax was so upset (or perhaps I missed an act in between this act and Cornelius being so worried about Jennie's non appearance.) That does not mean you have left a hole in the story. This does make a good follow-up to Cornelius's anxiety. The dialogue is very well written.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Hi, Carol. No, you didn't miss anything. Phyllis did mention to Toley during their "meet 'n greet of a few days earlier, that Gary had not been himself since the death of their child. And he did have a drink, with Phyllis's misgivings. I tried to portray him as a kind of loose cannon.
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At the time Cornelius played the piano at the Jax's home I realized someth8ing was off about Mr. Jax. t would have been more obvious if I was reading the script from start to finish at one time.
Comment from Bill Schott
I am so over my depth with this script. Your characterazations are so vivid and close-up that I find following the actions and dialogue almost draining. I guess I must have missed the last installment and will need to go there to find out how the hell we got here. It's as though a bomb went off while I was mowing the lawn and now I'm lost. Must go back and read the other. Sorry to babble on. The dialogue is so riveting I was compelled to keep reding until I knew what I couldn't know without reading the previous scene.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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I am so over my depth with this script. Your characterazations are so vivid and close-up that I find following the actions and dialogue almost draining. I guess I must have missed the last installment and will need to go there to find out how the hell we got here. It's as though a bomb went off while I was mowing the lawn and now I'm lost. Must go back and read the other. Sorry to babble on. The dialogue is so riveting I was compelled to keep reding until I knew what I couldn't know without reading the previous scene.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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The previous scene may not have been the one you missed. That was the looooooong ocean as music metaphor. The one before that was the meet 'n greet with the Jax family. Relationally, that was the meatier one. Hey, but thank you for the six stars, Bill. I appreciate having you in the audience each week.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Beautifully written script! I think this may only be the second chapter of your book that I've ever read, but I seem to have walked into a particularly dramatic moment, when Cornelius' close friend Jenny has been the victim of a parental abduction, and the two moms are conferring with the principal of what appears to be a somewhat exclusive private school.
Just a few little spags here:
A box of tissue with a sheet protruding.
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A box of tissues with a sheet protruding.
A Large book, probably a dictionary,
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A large book, probably a dictionary,
MR. HALLOWS eyes are closed ...
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MR. HALLOWS' eyes are closed ...
(Gently pushes TOLOACHI away)
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(Gently pushes TOLOACHE away)
IN CHARACTER LIST:
Is there is a dark, troubling secret to which the administration and he are privy?
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Is there a dark, troubling secret to which the administration and he are privy?
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I would be interested in reading the next chapter, to find out what happens. Maybe I should become one of your fans!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Beautifully written script! I think this may only be the second chapter of your book that I've ever read, but I seem to have walked into a particularly dramatic moment, when Cornelius' close friend Jenny has been the victim of a parental abduction, and the two moms are conferring with the principal of what appears to be a somewhat exclusive private school.
Just a few little spags here:
A box of tissue with a sheet protruding.
-->
A box of tissues with a sheet protruding.
A Large book, probably a dictionary,
-->
A large book, probably a dictionary,
MR. HALLOWS eyes are closed ...
-->
MR. HALLOWS' eyes are closed ...
(Gently pushes TOLOACHI away)
-->
(Gently pushes TOLOACHE away)
IN CHARACTER LIST:
Is there is a dark, troubling secret to which the administration and he are privy?
-->
Is there a dark, troubling secret to which the administration and he are privy?
***
I would be interested in reading the next chapter, to find out what happens. Maybe I should become one of your fans!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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You are like that vacuum cleaner attachment: you get into places that no one else reaches and uncover spag. Thank you and I'd be thrilled to have you as a fan. Now ... to go fix. Think I got them all!! Again, your editing skills are appreciated.
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Hi Jay, you're very welcome, and I have never been so amused at anyone's response to my review, as I am to yours! That is so hilarious, and my husband will think so too, when I tell him that you compared me to a vacuum attachment (in the nicest possible way) for cleaning up grammar. I really enjoyed that, and I'm delighted that you appreciate me as a fan, also. God bless you, my friend.
- Mary Kay
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Haha, glad you got a kick out of that, Mary Kay. Thanks for the use of your vacuum cleaner.
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You're welcome, Jay, I sure did.
Comment from amahra
My, my, my, how time's changed. "The man is the breadwinner and he calls the shots." Ugh! LOL. Great chapter, Jay. Fine 1950s dialogue. I'm glad Mr. Hallows is encouraging Jennie's and Cornelius' relationship. I like your plot of Gary's drinking, still grieving over his deceased son, now he had Jennie. One thing I do hope for in the next scene is for Cornelius's invisible friend to help him to react calmly when he's told about Jennie. I don't want him restrained.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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My, my, my, how time's changed. "The man is the breadwinner and he calls the shots." Ugh! LOL. Great chapter, Jay. Fine 1950s dialogue. I'm glad Mr. Hallows is encouraging Jennie's and Cornelius' relationship. I like your plot of Gary's drinking, still grieving over his deceased son, now he had Jennie. One thing I do hope for in the next scene is for Cornelius's invisible friend to help him to react calmly when he's told about Jennie. I don't want him restrained.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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I haven't worked out the next scene yet, but I can't imagine him being restrained. Thanks, Amahra, for reading and for your kind words.
Comment from kmoss
I didn't expect it to be the father that "kidnapped" Jennie. I like the suspense.
Eerily relatable to current times:
"Once you teach people to say what they do not understand, it is easy enough to get them to say anything you like."
It's what happens when an entire culture chooses to follow a faulty premise and then be forced to live by its results--even defending them to their death.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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I didn't expect it to be the father that "kidnapped" Jennie. I like the suspense.
Eerily relatable to current times:
"Once you teach people to say what they do not understand, it is easy enough to get them to say anything you like."
It's what happens when an entire culture chooses to follow a faulty premise and then be forced to live by its results--even defending them to their death.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Krystal! I keep looking up from what I'm writing now to see that lovely picture of you. That's a keeper. I'm glad you enjoyed the scene. I'm anxious to see where I'm going to take it next time.
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Thank you!
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Why can't you use it on Medium? Is it a sizing problem?
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Yeah it is. It cuts the top off. I just tried it and flipped it so now it?s better on Medium. Idk. Lol. Back to the toilet I guess?
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It doesn't make sense. You have such a relaxed, easy, and beautiful smile while you're on the john. The world deserves bathroom beauty.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, this was quite a scene full of philosophical discussion to explain the poor behavior of the police and a lot of second-guessing motives.
I felt that Mr. Hallows knows so much that it's almost unbelievable. He also pauses a lot. Never saw so many "beat" directions in a script before. What struck me was:
"Still, his reaction may surprise us all. There's so much beautiful complexity and depth in the lad. Rather like a Mozart symphony." (I'd expect Toley to say something like this. But you said he's an empath so maybe he knows things the other characters don't know.)
One typo:
rooted in the Judao-Christian tradition. (Judeo)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Well, this was quite a scene full of philosophical discussion to explain the poor behavior of the police and a lot of second-guessing motives.
I felt that Mr. Hallows knows so much that it's almost unbelievable. He also pauses a lot. Never saw so many "beat" directions in a script before. What struck me was:
"Still, his reaction may surprise us all. There's so much beautiful complexity and depth in the lad. Rather like a Mozart symphony." (I'd expect Toley to say something like this. But you said he's an empath so maybe he knows things the other characters don't know.)
One typo:
rooted in the Judao-Christian tradition. (Judeo)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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By gum, you're right about the typo. I thank you for spotting it, Helen. I'll change it directly. I'm blaming it on Mr. Hallows. He mumbles. Thanks for your always generous remarks.
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Lol. A convenient character to blame.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Believable conversations are hard to write, even for the best of writers, but you have a way of making them so natural and relaxed. Even the private conversations. :-) Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Believable conversations are hard to write, even for the best of writers, but you have a way of making them so natural and relaxed. Even the private conversations. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Thanks Ric. I appreciate your comments. But more than that, it's good to know I can count on you coming back with each new scene. You are appreciated.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm angry!!!! Very Angry, so Mr. Jax abducted Jennie to make sure she stays away from Cornelius and he has a drinking problem, but the police aren't concerned because he is her father.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR. Just to let you know, I am a strong, intelligent, independent woman. I just felt a need to say that, after reading this post.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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I'm angry!!!! Very Angry, so Mr. Jax abducted Jennie to make sure she stays away from Cornelius and he has a drinking problem, but the police aren't concerned because he is her father.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR. Just to let you know, I am a strong, intelligent, independent woman. I just felt a need to say that, after reading this post.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Hahaha! Thanks for the allegiance to womanhood! Thanks also for your kind words and visceral reaction to this scene. The six stars ain't chopped liver, either.
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I figured I was preaching to the choir.
Comment from MissMerri
As usual, a flawlessly written scene packed with interest, emotion, character revelation and plot development. There were no errors of any kind, in wording, punctuation or presentation. A most intriguing story you are telling in this book. (Is this a movie script?) I do feel like I'm watching a movie as I read. It is well-told, whatever it is. ;")
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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As usual, a flawlessly written scene packed with interest, emotion, character revelation and plot development. There were no errors of any kind, in wording, punctuation or presentation. A most intriguing story you are telling in this book. (Is this a movie script?) I do feel like I'm watching a movie as I read. It is well-told, whatever it is. ;")
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Not a movie script, MissMerri. Just a writing project. It won't be produced. Thank you, though, for your compliments and your lovely six stars. I accept both, humbly.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Jay, this is a wonderfully written scene, full of surprises and emotions. When I first started reading it, I thought I must have missed something while I was away. I especially like the part describing the way we were trained as small children and up through school to believe that the roles of boys and girls/men and women were set in stone. I'd forgotten about those nursery rhymes. The fact that the two mothers are supporting each other is beautiful too. Exceptional work!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Jay, this is a wonderfully written scene, full of surprises and emotions. When I first started reading it, I thought I must have missed something while I was away. I especially like the part describing the way we were trained as small children and up through school to believe that the roles of boys and girls/men and women were set in stone. I'd forgotten about those nursery rhymes. The fact that the two mothers are supporting each other is beautiful too. Exceptional work!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Judy, as usual, for your kindness in reading this and expressing your feelings about it. The six! Ah, a bonus!