Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 15"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
23 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
Another well written chapter, Carol. A most enjoyable read, as the plot thickens, and the characters develop further.
Just once there is a small error. You meant to say "Cynthia brought ..." (not "Liz brought ..."), referring to the pie. (Where Liz was speaking to Garth and Hank when she went into the study).
Very good writing, and very interesting story!
Wendy
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Another well written chapter, Carol. A most enjoyable read, as the plot thickens, and the characters develop further.
Just once there is a small error. You meant to say "Cynthia brought ..." (not "Liz brought ..."), referring to the pie. (Where Liz was speaking to Garth and Hank when she went into the study).
Very good writing, and very interesting story!
Wendy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Thanks for the notation of the mistake...it is fixed.
Glad you enjoyed this chapter and continue to follow the story...soon we will get to some of the more touchy feely stuff which I will enjoy writing too....not all drugs and murder. LOl
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Chapter 15 "Secrets in the Wind -
A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
Hello Begin Again, I believe that I'm starting to see what is going on am I seeing the precious cargo are young girls
I'm still wondering what the priest is so nerves about.
Gert
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Chapter 15 "Secrets in the Wind -
A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
Hello Begin Again, I believe that I'm starting to see what is going on am I seeing the precious cargo are young girls
I'm still wondering what the priest is so nerves about.
Gert
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Good day, Gert...
Our priest has done some horrible things and got himself involved with dangerous people. I hope he sees how bad it is and tries to make amends before more lives are lost.
Smiles, Carol
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Thank you Begin Again for answering my question.
Gert
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting and very well written chapter. I am so sorry I have not been able to read more of your work. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. Thank you for sharing. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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This is a very interesting and very well written chapter. I am so sorry I have not been able to read more of your work. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. Thank you for sharing. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Thank you, Teri.
I've missed your shining smile. I've written several independent posts and poems and had hoped you might have seen some of them. i assume the mystery and crime stories aren't your type of read. thanks so much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
The wonderful thing is with Jon's reaction, it means he's not beyond redemption, one can't know the effect on a person from scripture, and the Holy God who wrote it. But things are getting quite complicated, as all murder mysteries are, there is quite more to murder than meets the eye. Beautifully written. Great story Dear Carol. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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The wonderful thing is with Jon's reaction, it means he's not beyond redemption, one can't know the effect on a person from scripture, and the Holy God who wrote it. But things are getting quite complicated, as all murder mysteries are, there is quite more to murder than meets the eye. Beautifully written. Great story Dear Carol. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Jon wanted to play with the high-rollers and snub his nose at his parent's wishes for him to be in the clergy... Unfortunately, the stakes were bigger than he ever intended. He's going to find it even harder from a totally different direction as well. I hope he finds his faith before it's too late.
smiles, Carol
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Poor boy.
Comment from Ric Myworld
A priest with a conscience doesn't do the things Mason has already done. Although, in today's world people like to think a person can do anything they want, long as they as for forgiveness. Without a remorse and a contrite heart, it's all just a lie. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter! XO
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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A priest with a conscience doesn't do the things Mason has already done. Although, in today's world people like to think a person can do anything they want, long as they as for forgiveness. Without a remorse and a contrite heart, it's all just a lie. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter! XO
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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I met a heartless priest once upon a time, but I informed him I was no hypocrite and he could keep his Catholic religion... God and I had our own church inside my heart. Life moved forward and I think it was the right decision.
smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
A powerhouse! As good as any published thriller I've read. The scene with Mason and Jon is stupendous.
Liz smiled and set the serving tray on the coffee table. "Sorry, guys, but I had company in the kitchen. [Liz=>CYNTHIA] brought..."
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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A powerhouse! As good as any published thriller I've read. The scene with Mason and Jon is stupendous.
Liz smiled and set the serving tray on the coffee table. "Sorry, guys, but I had company in the kitchen. [Liz=>CYNTHIA] brought..."
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Yeah, I got the Liz and Cynthia straightened out......
i am overjoyed that you thought so much of the chapter... You are great for uplifting my spirit. Thank you!
have you heard any more from Karen?
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ha, ha, ha another good detective story I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter and I hope everything is okay with you and your family.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Ha, ha, ha another good detective story I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter and I hope everything is okay with you and your family.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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The sea is a little stormy, but I will survive. Thank you for asking, Iza. I am glad that you are enjoying the story. I believe we will be in prison next chapter. Ugh!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Good chapter. We are learning more about all the characters and the story is moving forward while maintaining suspense and questions about exactly what is going on. Most of the notes are about how you can continue to work on a more robust narrative. I know you have it in you.
Let me know what you uncover anything on Sofia Sanchez." ==> what you uncover OR when you uncover anything
Cynthia tapped on the open study door. "Sorry to interrupt..."
"Woman, don't you ever knock." Hank snarled. His body language spoke for him as he stepped toward the window. -- I didn't get this until I read further. I think you should add "before entering a house" and use a question mark, since she had just tapped (knocked) on an interior door.
jean's pockets. ==> jeans' OR pockets of his jeans (which you could describe as worn or crisp or designer or Wrangler to show us more about Hank
Liz passed the coffee cups to each of them and settled into a chair. -- in this scene, why don't they all have some pie?
as he lit one of the red candles. -- better as "as he lit one." Candles was used a couple lines above.
before walking to the confessional and entering the confessional. -- better not to repeat confessional and to show how he pulled the curtain aside, etc. just to beef up the narrative
Mason's cold eyes resembled a cunning wolf --can be beefed up by saying "Mason's cold eyes were those of . . ."
mumble was barely audible. "Ye..e.es." -- better as "Ye . . . es." ?
The sound of his boots clicked against the floor -- can be improved. e.g. "The click-clack of steel cleats on his boot heels were like knife thrusts into Jon's soul."
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Good chapter. We are learning more about all the characters and the story is moving forward while maintaining suspense and questions about exactly what is going on. Most of the notes are about how you can continue to work on a more robust narrative. I know you have it in you.
Let me know what you uncover anything on Sofia Sanchez." ==> what you uncover OR when you uncover anything
Cynthia tapped on the open study door. "Sorry to interrupt..."
"Woman, don't you ever knock." Hank snarled. His body language spoke for him as he stepped toward the window. -- I didn't get this until I read further. I think you should add "before entering a house" and use a question mark, since she had just tapped (knocked) on an interior door.
jean's pockets. ==> jeans' OR pockets of his jeans (which you could describe as worn or crisp or designer or Wrangler to show us more about Hank
Liz passed the coffee cups to each of them and settled into a chair. -- in this scene, why don't they all have some pie?
as he lit one of the red candles. -- better as "as he lit one." Candles was used a couple lines above.
before walking to the confessional and entering the confessional. -- better not to repeat confessional and to show how he pulled the curtain aside, etc. just to beef up the narrative
Mason's cold eyes resembled a cunning wolf --can be beefed up by saying "Mason's cold eyes were those of . . ."
mumble was barely audible. "Ye..e.es." -- better as "Ye . . . es." ?
The sound of his boots clicked against the floor -- can be improved. e.g. "The click-clack of steel cleats on his boot heels were like knife thrusts into Jon's soul."
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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I'd spent all morning writing, checking and re-checking the story.... and when I saw your suggestion list I almost croaked. LOL But actually it wasn't bad at all... simple changes that added to the story. I hope you noticed that I did work on adding scenery other than the dialogue... I have repaired and send my thank yous as always.
Going to work on a tough prison scene now...You'll probably blast me with that one. LOL
Hope all is well and you are feeling okay. thanks for everything. I'm trying to keep my head out of the gutter so yell if yu think I'm not doing a good job.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I think you're doing a great job. I could never come up with so many plots and intriguing characters. It's much easier to be the critic or editor. You build the house and I'll help you with the painting.
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Awesome...The gray prison walls and the women inside are going to need a fresh coat of paint I fear. Writing a prison setting is difficult ... I have a lunch room and then a laundry room with action. Way out of my ball park.
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Forgot...you'll need new coveralls and lots of paint! LOL
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Oh no, I won't be painting. I'll just be suggesting colors and brushes.
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Aww... You are no fun! LOL Such a tough task master....
Love ya
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Nose to the keyboard, Missy!
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LOL... I just did but it's not about the story... It's another story in my life.
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I just read and reviewed it. I mentioned that it was heart-wrenching, but forgot to add heart-warming as well.
Comment from BethShelby
Are we are dealing with human trafficking rather than drugs or is both involved. That is serious. No wonder Jon is sweating it out, but he is in too deep to get out. This is first I've heard of Jack being under suspicion of being involved in anything. Apparently Hank doesn't believe it. Your stories just keep gaining momentum as they go. As usual, I'm anxiously awaiting more.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Are we are dealing with human trafficking rather than drugs or is both involved. That is serious. No wonder Jon is sweating it out, but he is in too deep to get out. This is first I've heard of Jack being under suspicion of being involved in anything. Apparently Hank doesn't believe it. Your stories just keep gaining momentum as they go. As usual, I'm anxiously awaiting more.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Look at my dear Beth giving me a real lift with her awesome review and shiny stars... Yes, there's a lot going on, and Jon doesn't have any idea how to get out.... His world will crash in on him from a totally different and unexpected corner soon. As for Jack, Garth was sent to check out the influential people in the town, so of course, his name came up.... especially considering the murders.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Wow. That is some major intrigue you're piling up here. These guys are bad dudes! Trafficking, drugs, what else?
There's a lot going on that's hinted at but that the reader can't understand yet. You like to tease us and pull us along a bit, never revealing everything at once. *smile*
I like these characters, too. Evil and good - paired off against each other. It's so easy to see which is which.
Hank's response startled me, though. The meds bother me - those two things say something's up that we're not privy to, yet. But I know if he was truly sick his wife wouldn't allow him out of her sight and would be right with him. So I'm just thinking....
Notes, if I may:
1.) Let me know (if) you uncover anything on Sofia Sanchez."
2.) Once again, he surveyed the church before walking to the confessional and entering the confessional.
--> delete one
Thanks a bunch!
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Carol,
Wow. That is some major intrigue you're piling up here. These guys are bad dudes! Trafficking, drugs, what else?
There's a lot going on that's hinted at but that the reader can't understand yet. You like to tease us and pull us along a bit, never revealing everything at once. *smile*
I like these characters, too. Evil and good - paired off against each other. It's so easy to see which is which.
Hank's response startled me, though. The meds bother me - those two things say something's up that we're not privy to, yet. But I know if he was truly sick his wife wouldn't allow him out of her sight and would be right with him. So I'm just thinking....
Notes, if I may:
1.) Let me know (if) you uncover anything on Sofia Sanchez."
2.) Once again, he surveyed the church before walking to the confessional and entering the confessional.
--> delete one
Thanks a bunch!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2021
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Thanks for pointing out the two things I thought I had fixed but must have forgotten the save button. I need an alarm that goes off. LOL
Thanks for reading and reviewing. Always appreciate hearing from you.
Smiles, Carol
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hahahaha Absolutely!