Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 13"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
18 total reviews
Comment from royowen
It's amazing when one starts to examine people's backgrounds the water can become less clear and gathers a hazy muddiness that tends to blindside the observer. There are always sorts of treachery going. It doesn't surprise me that Jon is deeply convicted, one can't know scripture and no be affected, "the double edged sword..." beautifully written dear Carol, blessings Roy
Typo : Jack (was) always a stickler...
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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It's amazing when one starts to examine people's backgrounds the water can become less clear and gathers a hazy muddiness that tends to blindside the observer. There are always sorts of treachery going. It doesn't surprise me that Jon is deeply convicted, one can't know scripture and no be affected, "the double edged sword..." beautifully written dear Carol, blessings Roy
Typo : Jack (was) always a stickler...
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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Yes, Jon is a weak man and allows himself to be directed by the evil...He was forced to become a priest, but I have to believe somewhere deep inside the hands of the Lord touched him. Whether he will feel that in time, I don't know.
Smiles, Carol
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That?s inevitable, still a choice
Comment from ShirleyT1
Another fast-paced chapter full of unanswered questions. I love it! Jon is just the kind of character you really like to get what's coming to him. And then you throw this in - . Lifting his head toward the mirror, he gasped and twisted away. A despicable lost soul replaced the priest's reflection. Jon's fingers gripped the side of the sink. His stomach churned. He gagged, and vomit spewed into the basin.
A gruesome moan ripped from deep inside Jon as he wept, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." I guess he does have a conscious. Great chapter!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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Another fast-paced chapter full of unanswered questions. I love it! Jon is just the kind of character you really like to get what's coming to him. And then you throw this in - . Lifting his head toward the mirror, he gasped and twisted away. A despicable lost soul replaced the priest's reflection. Jon's fingers gripped the side of the sink. His stomach churned. He gagged, and vomit spewed into the basin.
A gruesome moan ripped from deep inside Jon as he wept, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." I guess he does have a conscious. Great chapter!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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He does but it will not be enough because he's mixed up in bad stuff with bad people....
Thanks for enjoying the chapter and "hating" my characters. LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
You're doing a great job of building up the various aspects of these mysteries, Carol, and they both seem connected for sure. The cliff hanger, the fax about Miguel's mother, will bring us back for more.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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You're doing a great job of building up the various aspects of these mysteries, Carol, and they both seem connected for sure. The cliff hanger, the fax about Miguel's mother, will bring us back for more.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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Good morning...
As usual, I am behind... can't write, read and respond at one time (I am in slow motion I think lol) I am glad that this chapter caught your attention and has you wanting more.
Always, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping--vivid imagery--suspense is excrutiating! Brilliant development of Jon.
His agitated fingers brushed across the blocks of pigment=>sugg: COLOR (pigment is a dye).
I'm confused by the next section:
The creak of the door sent chills spiraling down Jon's spine. His ridged=>RIGID back pressed against the entrance to the church. His left hand, hidden by his robe, wrapped around the doorknob.
As the door opened [DID JON OPEN IT?], Jon froze in fear. Three unsavory Banditos carrying automatic weapons exited the dark foyer and left by the outside door without glancing in Jon's direction. The fourth man closed the door [WHICH DOOR?]. He [WHO?] put a heavy bar in place, securing the exit. Satisfied, he [WHO?] pushed the heavy mahogany bookcase back into place, concealing the entrance.
"Miguel left?" [WHO SAID THIS?] NOT JON=>THUS, NEW PARAGRAPH: Jon's heart beat erratically, as if the man's dark eyes were smoking guns.
Jon swallowed the lump in his throat. His eyes focused on the carpet pattern, not the man. His [JON'S] voice trembled as he mumbled, "About an hour ago."
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This company also [OMIT COMMA] does our labeling, so another step is eliminated before the barrels arrive.
"I would guess Liz is wondering where we disappeared [too=>TO] again."
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Gripping--vivid imagery--suspense is excrutiating! Brilliant development of Jon.
His agitated fingers brushed across the blocks of pigment=>sugg: COLOR (pigment is a dye).
I'm confused by the next section:
The creak of the door sent chills spiraling down Jon's spine. His ridged=>RIGID back pressed against the entrance to the church. His left hand, hidden by his robe, wrapped around the doorknob.
As the door opened [DID JON OPEN IT?], Jon froze in fear. Three unsavory Banditos carrying automatic weapons exited the dark foyer and left by the outside door without glancing in Jon's direction. The fourth man closed the door [WHICH DOOR?]. He [WHO?] put a heavy bar in place, securing the exit. Satisfied, he [WHO?] pushed the heavy mahogany bookcase back into place, concealing the entrance.
"Miguel left?" [WHO SAID THIS?] NOT JON=>THUS, NEW PARAGRAPH: Jon's heart beat erratically, as if the man's dark eyes were smoking guns.
Jon swallowed the lump in his throat. His eyes focused on the carpet pattern, not the man. His [JON'S] voice trembled as he mumbled, "About an hour ago."
*******************
This company also [OMIT COMMA] does our labeling, so another step is eliminated before the barrels arrive.
"I would guess Liz is wondering where we disappeared [too=>TO] again."
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Thanks for all your help, Liz. I knew I needed clarification on John and the rectory, but you are the first to make suggestions. The first door leads from the rectory to the church (Jon is leaning against that one). The second door (leads to a spot that was used as an underground railroad) is the secret, hidden door. Four men have been working down there and are leaving the rectory by the back door. I have tried to rewrite it so it's clearer... If you have a chance could you skim over it and see if you understand it better now.
thanks so much...Always, Carol
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Still hard for me. Best to see if anyone else has a problem with it. I have to struggle with imagery in general, being at an disadvantage
due to poor visualization/spatial skills. It doesn't help matters that I'm
unfamiliar with the terms--rectory vs church (sanctuary)?
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Rectory in the priest's private office and the remainder is the church.
Thanks for your help... I am sure I will get instructions from others as I muddle through this story. LOL
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's always nice to get my Carol fix every morning. Well, not today since it's already a quarter to one, but that doesn't make me any less happy to read it. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week! Thanks for sharing. :-)
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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It's always nice to get my Carol fix every morning. Well, not today since it's already a quarter to one, but that doesn't make me any less happy to read it. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week! Thanks for sharing. :-)
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Dear one... I will try to work on my timing, so it's closer to morning....And you've brightened my day as well. Your kind words, sweet smile and awesome review... One could not ask for more.
Just finished enjoying homemade beef chop suey... rice will hike the sugar count, but it sure did taste good. lol something simple tonight should balance me out...
have a great day and thank you for the glittering stars.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Oh, wee, chop suey sounds good for a change. I love fried rice, but don't eat it often for the same reason you have to offset it. HUG, Ric
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I don't have it often, but it sounded good for a change. My pups don't like the idea because they would prefer "a big chunk of meat, mom." My son had to add a leftover spaghetti salad to his...never enough food for him. LOL Maybe I should have settled for a bowl of ice cream... that would have made them all happy.
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LOL. It's good I don't live around you. I would weight 600 pounds. I could eat a couple gallons of ice cream a day between meals. But I don't, anymore. Keep cool and know someone is thinking about you! And what's for dinner every day.:-)
Comment from BethShelby
I like the way you just dribble more and more interesting tidbits of information out everytime your add a new chapter. All of you story become complicated with so many people involved. I look forward to learning more. Jon can't be all bad. He seems to have some regrets as to the choices he has made.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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I like the way you just dribble more and more interesting tidbits of information out everytime your add a new chapter. All of you story become complicated with so many people involved. I look forward to learning more. Jon can't be all bad. He seems to have some regrets as to the choices he has made.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Beth
Jon makes bad choices and payback is severe. He regrets what's happening, but his greed outweighs his fear. He digs a deeper and deeper hole.
Thanks so much for stopping by to read another chapter and comment. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aha!! Now there's a good reason for her to lie in court, Mason has a lot on her. She could end up in prison. What a lot of crooked people there are in the town, I don't think I'll be moving there any time soon!! I found a little error below. I'm always doing that. At least, I think it's an error. Well done, my friend. Another fabulous chapter. :)) Hugs and lots of love. Sandra xxx
Cynthia (Cassidy?)in prison with Allie beside her."
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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Aha!! Now there's a good reason for her to lie in court, Mason has a lot on her. She could end up in prison. What a lot of crooked people there are in the town, I don't think I'll be moving there any time soon!! I found a little error below. I'm always doing that. At least, I think it's an error. Well done, my friend. Another fabulous chapter. :)) Hugs and lots of love. Sandra xxx
Cynthia (Cassidy?)in prison with Allie beside her."
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Sandra...
I hope you are having a terrific day. And, of course, I always appreciate it when you stop by to read another chapter. Question? What did you gather from the church scene with Jon? Did you get any idea of what was happening and that Miguel had been there before going to the vineyard?
It's an intricate part of the story, and no one has commented on it so I wonder if it is not clear.
Thanks for catching my error... wrong person in jail..oops!
Smiles and lots of love, Carol
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Now you mention it, no I didn't put the two together. but it's clear now you've told me, perhaps you could make it a tad clearer, or, perhaps it's just me. It's my Birthday, and I'm just all over the place with visitors, and we are all going out tonight. But when I saw you'd posted, I had to come and read it! I'm sorry, I'm sure it's down to me. 😣 I'll read it again tomorrow just to make sure I haven't missed anything. 😘 xxxx
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SANDRA....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....
How awesome and you did not mention it to me. Hope you have a fantastic day and enjoy your day! Sending you all my love, smiles, hugs and best wishes.
Love you! Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Good, so we have another bad person Sofia Sanchez. The case is beginning to come together. You're doing a really good job of writing here.
"What's on the truck? Liz said she didn't recall a delivery." Hank watched the men open the large rear truck doors. He stepped closer and peered into the back of the truck. "Quite a load." (Two dialogues here? It sounds as if Hank is speaking the second time. If so you need a space.)
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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Good, so we have another bad person Sofia Sanchez. The case is beginning to come together. You're doing a really good job of writing here.
"What's on the truck? Liz said she didn't recall a delivery." Hank watched the men open the large rear truck doors. He stepped closer and peered into the back of the truck. "Quite a load." (Two dialogues here? It sounds as if Hank is speaking the second time. If so you need a space.)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Barbara
Question?
What did you gather from the church scene with Jon? Did you get any idea of what was happening and that Miguel had been there before going to the vineyard?
It's an intricate part of the story, and no one has commented on it so I wonder if it is not clear.
I fixed the error...thank you!
Smiles and thank you...Carol
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I get that impression, but it's hidden. I am not sure everybody would.
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thanks... I have been working on it, trying to more prominent because what's happening at the church is important and Miguel is part of it. He was at the church and then drove the delivery truck to the winery. I need to make that evident without screaming it at the top of my lungs. LOL