Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 4"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like this story. GREAT JOB!!! No sixes left.
"Good morning, Liz." When Elizabeth didn't respond, Allyssa's radar antennas flipped on in full force."Liz?" (How would Elizabeth know this?)
The front rows were packed with the Women's Church Group, better known as the town criers; their gossip traveled faster than Paul Revere. (great description!!)
she saw Miguel as she was about to dismiss the group. Their eyes met for a brief second, and he turned away. She thought it odd that he would leave the vineyard without mentioning it to Liz. (HMMM, you wouldn't have put this in here unless it's important)
Allie had no idea who the sexy cowboy was (I have my hand raised, please call on me, I know! I know!!!!)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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I really like this story. GREAT JOB!!! No sixes left.
"Good morning, Liz." When Elizabeth didn't respond, Allyssa's radar antennas flipped on in full force."Liz?" (How would Elizabeth know this?)
The front rows were packed with the Women's Church Group, better known as the town criers; their gossip traveled faster than Paul Revere. (great description!!)
she saw Miguel as she was about to dismiss the group. Their eyes met for a brief second, and he turned away. She thought it odd that he would leave the vineyard without mentioning it to Liz. (HMMM, you wouldn't have put this in here unless it's important)
Allie had no idea who the sexy cowboy was (I have my hand raised, please call on me, I know! I know!!!!)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Fixed by deleting.... lol
Thanks for the review and the encouragement. I wasn't sure this story would be able to compete with the last one, but I like all the twists and turns, so I think it will be good.
So far, three people have clamored to let me know that our sexy cowboy is on the scene again...undercover already. Wonder what he knows that we don't?
I think I have the next chapter ready to go... or I hope I do!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
The story is developing nicely. I see you've added another murder to the ones we already have. There is no doubt that Miguel Sanchez is somehow involved in all of them. I wonder if the sexy cowboy is the good guy and Hank friend from your last two stories. I can't remember his name.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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The story is developing nicely. I see you've added another murder to the ones we already have. There is no doubt that Miguel Sanchez is somehow involved in all of them. I wonder if the sexy cowboy is the good guy and Hank friend from your last two stories. I can't remember his name.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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His name is Garth (Jeremy when undercover) Woodhouse, and you just might be right... He's hanging out in Hayden, and nobody knows him yet. Nice catch! Everyone is focusing on Miguel... but I don't know if he's got the power to pull off all these murders... We shall see!
Smiles, Carol
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You amuse me by pretending you aren't aware of what your characters may or may not be capable of. I think you have faith in them. LOL
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LOL... you got me there!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The cowboy with the Stetson and slow smile... I know that man! Is Garth there as well? Hank will be coming soon, I know he will when he gets back to Elizabeth. This court case, Miguel there, this is all connected. Another farm, and another suspicious death... my mind is racing in all corners and coming up with complete mayhem! Someone wants all the land and doesn't care how he gets it. Okay, chapter four and I'm in detective mode! LOL. I hope Elizabeth does what she's told, and I hope she gets rid of Miguel, I do NOT trust him!! Another great chapter, dear friend, well done. I just wish I had the real stars to give you. Hugs and love. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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The cowboy with the Stetson and slow smile... I know that man! Is Garth there as well? Hank will be coming soon, I know he will when he gets back to Elizabeth. This court case, Miguel there, this is all connected. Another farm, and another suspicious death... my mind is racing in all corners and coming up with complete mayhem! Someone wants all the land and doesn't care how he gets it. Okay, chapter four and I'm in detective mode! LOL. I hope Elizabeth does what she's told, and I hope she gets rid of Miguel, I do NOT trust him!! Another great chapter, dear friend, well done. I just wish I had the real stars to give you. Hugs and love. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Good one, Sandra!
I knew you had that detective blood in you... the cowboy is most certainly our handsome Garth... undercover, of course... and no one knows him yet. As for Elizabeth, I fear she is overwhelmed by all the developments and more is brewing in the background.
i hope I am not dumping too much on the readers with all the murders, the court, etc happening at once.... but I didn't know how to tie all the characters together any other way... besides.... it wouldn't be me if I didn't have everyone going in ten different directions. LOL
Always let me know if you think I am going overboard, please... Before I drowned in my own words. LOL
have a great day, my friend...Sending smiles and hugs to you as always, love ya, Carol
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You aren't overwhelming us at all. You are doing a great job getting our minds activated and joining in the action, watching out for clues that you always drop in the most devious of ways. lol. I'm glad Garth and Hank are here again. You'll have to have a series of these books. How many words were in the last one?
Comment from Susan Newell
We're moving along, learning more about the characters and meeting new ones. Plot lines are spreading out like a spider web, and you've caught me. In general, this is a good chapter, but I'm tempted to give you a ticket for Writing While Distracted. Many of the things mentioned in my notes aren't wrong, but I know that you can do better. Who IS that sexy cowboy? Is Garth coming back along with Hank? Romance between Garth and Alyssa? Ooooh, yummy, if so.
Her body twisted to an upright position while her shapely legs swung to the floor. -- I think "torso" would be more accurate than "body" since that word includes her legs.
Her heart was pounding and her hands crisscrossed against her chest like protective armor. -- You're telling. I like the imagery, but I think you can rewrite to be more active and have hands covering pounding heart like armor. Probably don't need both chest and heart.
"Ok, but don't answer the door and go get Jack's gun." -- reads as though she's saying don't go get the gun. Pause in between?
Alyssa mouthed the words 'thank you' == Alyssa mouthed, "Thank you,"
and slid inside. The row on the left side was empty. She slid into a seat -- that's a lot of sliding (slipped inside?)
jotted down a few of the local people -- jotted down the names of a few local people (maybe even "locals")
better known as the town criers; their gossip traveled faster than Paul Revere. -- Stellar!
then, she saw Miguel -- I don't remember Alyssa meeting Miguel. Did she know him from elsewhere?
A Priest was sitting ==> priest
A Priest was sitting at the end of the row. -- What row?
small pillbox hat on her head -- delete "on her head" -- redundant, unless it were in her hand -- what color was it?
The pounding gavel brought the court into session. -- telling -- what sound did it make? I'm tempted to suggest something like " . . . brought everyone to attention and court into session."
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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We're moving along, learning more about the characters and meeting new ones. Plot lines are spreading out like a spider web, and you've caught me. In general, this is a good chapter, but I'm tempted to give you a ticket for Writing While Distracted. Many of the things mentioned in my notes aren't wrong, but I know that you can do better. Who IS that sexy cowboy? Is Garth coming back along with Hank? Romance between Garth and Alyssa? Ooooh, yummy, if so.
Her body twisted to an upright position while her shapely legs swung to the floor. -- I think "torso" would be more accurate than "body" since that word includes her legs.
Her heart was pounding and her hands crisscrossed against her chest like protective armor. -- You're telling. I like the imagery, but I think you can rewrite to be more active and have hands covering pounding heart like armor. Probably don't need both chest and heart.
"Ok, but don't answer the door and go get Jack's gun." -- reads as though she's saying don't go get the gun. Pause in between?
Alyssa mouthed the words 'thank you' == Alyssa mouthed, "Thank you,"
and slid inside. The row on the left side was empty. She slid into a seat -- that's a lot of sliding (slipped inside?)
jotted down a few of the local people -- jotted down the names of a few local people (maybe even "locals")
better known as the town criers; their gossip traveled faster than Paul Revere. -- Stellar!
then, she saw Miguel -- I don't remember Alyssa meeting Miguel. Did she know him from elsewhere?
A Priest was sitting ==> priest
A Priest was sitting at the end of the row. -- What row?
small pillbox hat on her head -- delete "on her head" -- redundant, unless it were in her hand -- what color was it?
The pounding gavel brought the court into session. -- telling -- what sound did it make? I'm tempted to suggest something like " . . . brought everyone to attention and court into session."
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Sue....
How well you know me... it's almost scary! A ticket for distraction would be spot-on. If you noticed, most of the suggestions were at the end of the story... while my life was getting kicked in the teeth so to speak... and my mind was elsewhere but I wanted to finish those last few paragraphs... Blew it!
Oh yeah... the sexy cowboy would be Garth. He's already in town undercover... but no one knows it yet. He's just a stranger to them. i wanted romance... but I can't decide if Garth's wife has died from her cancer (not that most readers would know she even existed a story or two ago) and if it has been long enough.... Or I could have Allyssa get involved with Darryl (but he might be involved in whatever is going on since he was with both owners) Hmmm!!
Everything is fixed except the crossing of the arms on her chest... Have to look at that one!
As always, you are the best at setting me straight. This morning I thought of my mom... she would always be smiling and shaking her finger at me when she was telling me that she knew what I was doing or trying to get past her.... I could see you shaking that finger saying "You can do better!" LOL
Thanks as always, Carol
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It's really selfishness on my part, because I want to read what you write when you "do your best." I am enchanted by your ability to draw pictures and develop characters through dialogue. I just refuse to accept "good enough for now" from you. I don't just want a room at The Ritz, I want the penthouse suite and I will accept nothing less.
I think Garth's wife died about nine months ago after a very long battle. Heck, I was smitten by Garth!
I hope things are improving in your personal life. You and yours are in my prayers.
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I think many were smitten by our darling Garth... The second I mentioned a cowboy leaning against the wall...Sandra was hooting and hollering. It better be Garth... I can't say I'm not attracted to his smooth sexy smile either. LOL
I most definitely want to give it my best... I like the penthouse as well.
Things aren't looking up here, but I'm working on moving past it even if it means I "Begin Again"... Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
The story is setting into place nicely. You write these chapters so well! Very professionally. I look forward to each one as it comes up online. Hope all is going well with you. I'm finally starting to feel like my old self again. Praise the Lord!
Patty
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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The story is setting into place nicely. You write these chapters so well! Very professionally. I look forward to each one as it comes up online. Hope all is going well with you. I'm finally starting to feel like my old self again. Praise the Lord!
Patty
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Patty...
i appreciate your kind words about my stories and how I attempt to hold your attention. I am blessed.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Uh oh. Here we go! Never a dull moment
In your stories! Here's another whole thread to pull! Miguel is there....something's simmering, and you'll turn up the heat, I know!
I'm popping some popcorn....this is gonna be good!--Karenina
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Uh oh. Here we go! Never a dull moment
In your stories! Here's another whole thread to pull! Miguel is there....something's simmering, and you'll turn up the heat, I know!
I'm popping some popcorn....this is gonna be good!--Karenina
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Did you recognize the cowboy leaning against the wall?
Oh, I can smell that popcorn... yummy! There will be lots of times to get lost chomping on the buttery treat while crazy things start happening. Thanks for reading and enjoying...
Hugs from me....Smiles, Carol
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Hmmm. Maybe not? No worries, I will read it again!--Karenina
Comment from lyenochka
It sounds like Alyssa gave good warning to Liz but it sounds like she's in a great deal of trouble. I wonder why Miguel is there. Was he involved in a different murder? Hope Liz stays safe. I wonder why she doesn't got to the police also.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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It sounds like Alyssa gave good warning to Liz but it sounds like she's in a great deal of trouble. I wonder why Miguel is there. Was he involved in a different murder? Hope Liz stays safe. I wonder why she doesn't got to the police also.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Busy reader aren't you? So grateful for your time and of course the review. She only found out there was actually trouble last night and Hank is on the way. She fell asleep from exhaustion.... I am sure the police will find out too!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Theodore McDowell
You have a knack for ending your post at a point where the reader wants to know what is going to happen next. This time the suspense is like a double barrel shotgun, with the suspense in the courtroom combined with the danger Liz is experiencing in Jack's office.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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You have a knack for ending your post at a point where the reader wants to know what is going to happen next. This time the suspense is like a double barrel shotgun, with the suspense in the courtroom combined with the danger Liz is experiencing in Jack's office.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Yup, that would be me! Never ever satisfied unless I leave the reader wondering what lies around the next corner... and then when they get there, it just might not be what they expected... LOL
Thank you for stopping by to read and I hope you will continue to follow the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Miguel in the courtroom?! Another murder involving property? There are lots of layers to your story, and different threads to follow, but doubtless they are all knotted together and will need to be untangled. Smoothly written, and it's interesting switching from Elizabeth to Alyssa knowing they are best friends and will be working together to solve the crimes. Well done.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Miguel in the courtroom?! Another murder involving property? There are lots of layers to your story, and different threads to follow, but doubtless they are all knotted together and will need to be untangled. Smoothly written, and it's interesting switching from Elizabeth to Alyssa knowing they are best friends and will be working together to solve the crimes. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Yes, I am one of those writers that can't be happy with only one line in the water...to catch more fish, I must dangle more hooks. LOl
Thanks, Wendy.... I really appreciate your review and time.
Always, Carol
Comment from AliMom
Nice hook. I definitely want to know what happens next. Well fleshed-out characters. Many mini-mysteries waiting to be solved. Who killed who? Great mystery writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Nice hook. I definitely want to know what happens next. Well fleshed-out characters. Many mini-mysteries waiting to be solved. Who killed who? Great mystery writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Good morning, sir...
I am glad that you enjoyed this chapter... I tend to write stories into stories which keeps the reader guessing at all times. I appreciate that you stopped by and hope you will continue to follow the story.
I checked and the beginning chapters have $$$$ available if you are interested in starting from the first chapter... lots of necessary information in the first one.
Thanks again...Smiles, Carol
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Thanks. I'll check out the beginning chapters.