Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock

Excellent

This story has a fantastic plot. You have managed in this first chapter to hook your audience. The unraveling of this story will take us to many venues, I'm sure, as the secrets are exposed. I wish I had six-stars for you.

Ralf

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

good morning, Ralf...

so kind of you to begin reading my new story... I hope it develops like the last one did... It's meant to be a sequel for Hank and Garth...but we shall see how it unfolds.

Smiles, Carol

reply by Raffaelina Lowcock on 14-Jul-2021

Wow! That sounds awesome.

Ralf

Comment from Judy Lawless

Excellent

This looks like another interesting book, Carol. You have developed Mary's character and given us her sad background, and then her plans for a better future. Looking forward to more. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

Good morning, Judy...

Mary's background will play an important part in the story and I hope that you will find it interesting. Thanks for the review.

Smiles, Carol

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I realize it had to be long because it was a requirement of the contest. There's a lot of promise and I'm so glad that Mary was rescued by Doris and she in turned helped Doris in her time of need.

I felt that for a first chapter you gave us a whole book's story all wrapped into one. And I am wondering if all the fathers in your books are drunken creeps. But I guess it's part of your plot line for her to get her out of there.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

In the first chapter, I needed to give Mary's background because as we move on...life has not stopped and it has been many years, but her decisions and those of others will affect many.

Smiles, Carol

Comment from karenina

Excellent

Wow. Okay I'm all strapped in and prepping for another grand adventure! So many questions swirling! Why would Jon do this? What pressure did the family bear to keep him away for all these years?! I'm hooked already! Yay! --Karenina

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

karenina....

Hope you are doing okay....
Thanks for stopping by and reading the beginning chapter and learning the background of two of my characters. I hope the story continues to hold your attention and we can travel this unknown path together to see where it goes.

Smiles, Carol

reply by karenina on 14-Jul-2021

I bought my ticket for the whole trip! Happy to be aboard!---Karenina

Comment from Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent

Off to a great start. Flashback to poor Beth and her vicious father. Heartrending that Jon skipped town nd that Mary gave her twins up. I'll be back for Chapter 2 ....

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

Good morning, Liz

Yes a bit of a flashback but this story will go a different way... Mary and Jon's past will have played an important part as the story evolves.

Smiles, Carol

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

You have a way with your stories - of making me cry every time I read them, but thank you for the happy ending. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

Good morning, Liz

i love to strike emotions among my readers, but I apologize for your tears...thank you for reading and enjoying the first chapter of my new book.

Smiles, Carol

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

This is a story I would love to continue reading! It is well written, the characters are well drawn, and we are drawn to Mary - and must know more. What a blessing Doris found her and cared for her. Looking forward to hearing the back story as well. Thank you.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021

Good morning, Wendy

thank you for your kind review. The past of Mary and Jon's lives will play an important part as the story evolves. Thank you for continuing to read.

Smiles, Carol

Comment from Carol Clark2

Excellent

Great first chapter. So much happened here. So glad Mary had someone to finally care about her and provide for her. I'll be watching for the next chapters in this book. Best wishes in the contest. Carol

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021

thank you so much for reading and commenting, Carol. I appreciate it very much. I'm not sure where this story is headed but I guess we are in for a ride. Smiles, Carol

reply by Carol Clark2 on 14-Jul-2021

We're usually in for a ride with your characters. LOL! Smiles back.

Comment from equestrik

Excellent

This is a well written chapter and it certainly is developed well. I am drawn to the unanswered questions here so look forward to the next chapter. Well done.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021

thank you so much for your interest in my new story. I appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol

Comment from Susan Newell

Exceptional

You have really reeled me in on this one. I am anxious to find out how this all relates to what happens 26 years later.

A couple notes:

The repetition of black hearse is a little lumpy. Could Mary come up with a different term?

pre-filled bottles -- don't think you need pre-filled

about her Mom ==> mom

She placed it on the table as he grunted in approval. -- What table? Coffee table? (He's on the couch, right?)

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021

As always, I love you....

I fixed each suggestion and all is taken care of, I hope. Just have to work on the point of view thing... shouldn't be a difficult fix.

thank you so much as always. I love it when you are in my corner!!!

smiles and hugs, Carol

reply by Susan Newell on 13-Jul-2021

I am always in the corner of the righteous.