Her Happiness Mask
Some masks are so real we don't even know they're being worn19 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Leann.
This is an interesting version of the story with a mask. Yours is the psychological mask. That makes the story interesting. The mask in this story is the one hiding the self-esteem issues. It is an interesting story and it's well written. The last line is well composed because it is a bit of a surprise ending.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Hello Leann.
This is an interesting version of the story with a mask. Yours is the psychological mask. That makes the story interesting. The mask in this story is the one hiding the self-esteem issues. It is an interesting story and it's well written. The last line is well composed because it is a bit of a surprise ending.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Roberts, for your supportive comments and review. It is much appreciated.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your contest entry, Leann. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Your well thought out words pull readers into the story. Your attention to detail drives the story forward. The ending is unexpected in a good way. Hopefully, her new love will help her overcome the worthlessness she feels about herself. I like your choice of art, too.
Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Does this man see me as A . . . ---> a
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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You did a good job with your contest entry, Leann. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Your well thought out words pull readers into the story. Your attention to detail drives the story forward. The ending is unexpected in a good way. Hopefully, her new love will help her overcome the worthlessness she feels about herself. I like your choice of art, too.
Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Does this man see me as A . . . ---> a
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Jan, for your kind review and comments? And thanks for catching that typo. Hugs.
Comment from Jay Squires
Well this one caught me by surprise, Leann. I wasn't expecting a virtual mask. And all along, I was thinking (like you wanted me to think; now, go on, admit it!), that she should leave the bastard! Anyone deserves better than that. Right up to the bombshell ending, when I thought: OH MY GOD! NOT ONLY IS SHE NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM, SHE'S GOING TO MARRY THE S.O.B! A great story. A sure contender!
A few thoughts as I read along:
You have been scrupulous throughout, keeping this in the past tense until I came across this sentence. "...caused my irises to appear brighter than they actually are with the contrasting colors..." Woudn't it be more consistent to have it "...than they actually were..."?
"Does this man see me as A slut and nothing else?" [Do you have a reason for capitalizing the "A" here?]
"I stepped into the vestibule in my floorlength, white, satin..."[I don't think "floorlength" combines well. It would look better, to my eyes, hyphenated.]
This is a smashing story, Leann. I wish you all the luck in the world, come decision time.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Well this one caught me by surprise, Leann. I wasn't expecting a virtual mask. And all along, I was thinking (like you wanted me to think; now, go on, admit it!), that she should leave the bastard! Anyone deserves better than that. Right up to the bombshell ending, when I thought: OH MY GOD! NOT ONLY IS SHE NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM, SHE'S GOING TO MARRY THE S.O.B! A great story. A sure contender!
A few thoughts as I read along:
You have been scrupulous throughout, keeping this in the past tense until I came across this sentence. "...caused my irises to appear brighter than they actually are with the contrasting colors..." Woudn't it be more consistent to have it "...than they actually were..."?
"Does this man see me as A slut and nothing else?" [Do you have a reason for capitalizing the "A" here?]
"I stepped into the vestibule in my floorlength, white, satin..."[I don't think "floorlength" combines well. It would look better, to my eyes, hyphenated.]
This is a smashing story, Leann. I wish you all the luck in the world, come decision time.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for your encouraging comments. I'm not arguing, but I have a question. The sentence about the eyecolor? I struggled with that, to be honest. Yes, I see the past tense idea, but my thoughts were that her eyes are still the same color. I'm not sure how to handle that. Should I go with what you said anyway, even though her eyes are still that color right now.?
Thank you so much for your helpful and encouraging comments and review. Hugs.
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Personally, I think you should go with your gut. I've seen famous writers slip tenses, and knowing they probably have teams of editors, so I take it as a choice made in spite of the rules.
Comment from tfawcus
How sad that this kind of verbal abuse can have such a devastating effect -cruelty that has the power to leave a life in tatters. Your ending was a surprise. I hope she wasn't marrying the perpetrator.
You have made the story all the more real with your detailed description of how the mask is created, and with what care.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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How sad that this kind of verbal abuse can have such a devastating effect -cruelty that has the power to leave a life in tatters. Your ending was a surprise. I hope she wasn't marrying the perpetrator.
You have made the story all the more real with your detailed description of how the mask is created, and with what care.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review. I appreciate it so much. Hugs.
Comment from L. Kalere
Great job on taking the first line and running with it. I found it a little difficult to read all of the terrible insults...I hurt for your character. The end was brilliant and startling and brought it all together. Best of luck in the contest.
Linda
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Great job on taking the first line and running with it. I found it a little difficult to read all of the terrible insults...I hurt for your character. The end was brilliant and startling and brought it all together. Best of luck in the contest.
Linda
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Linda, for your support of review and comments. You are appreciated. Hugs.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. This fictional person is self loathing and has low self-esteem at historic levels. The concerning part is in the paragraph where they attribute this condition to being mistreated by a partner. If that is the case and they allowed that, then what were they before?
Good writing.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Very interesting. This fictional person is self loathing and has low self-esteem at historic levels. The concerning part is in the paragraph where they attribute this condition to being mistreated by a partner. If that is the case and they allowed that, then what were they before?
Good writing.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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It is sad, isn't it, what abuse can do to a person? Thank you so much for your thoughtful review and comments. I appreciate them so much. Hugs.
Comment from Lana Marie
That was really good and so true that many people wear masks around to not really allow others to see the "real" them, whatever that may be. Which is too bad, because generally people are good on the inside but feel the need to live up to others expectations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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That was really good and so true that many people wear masks around to not really allow others to see the "real" them, whatever that may be. Which is too bad, because generally people are good on the inside but feel the need to live up to others expectations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Yep! I agree with that 100%. :-) Thank you for your comments and review. I appreciate it. Hugs.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Heartrending. Stunning twist--I did not see that coming. The piece is a powerhouse even without that devastating punch. Brilliant work--I've read at least a dozen entries for this contest--this is unique.
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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Heartrending. Stunning twist--I did not see that coming. The piece is a powerhouse even without that devastating punch. Brilliant work--I've read at least a dozen entries for this contest--this is unique.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you. You are always so kind in your reviews, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. Hugs and blessings to you.
Comment from royowen
I hope you're not talking of yourself Leann, you are a talent! Unrealised within yourself perhaps, but a talent just the same, I know, because my journey through self doubt has been a long one, God has been working on my "mask" for some time. Beautifully written my friend. Well done, good work, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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I hope you're not talking of yourself Leann, you are a talent! Unrealised within yourself perhaps, but a talent just the same, I know, because my journey through self doubt has been a long one, God has been working on my "mask" for some time. Beautifully written my friend. Well done, good work, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2021
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Thank you for your supportive and encouraging comments. They are truly appreciated, Roy. Hugs and blessings to you.
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Good job