Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Betrayal Chapter 35"In the title.
34 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
The tension remains high throughout this chapter and the reactions of all concerned are realistic. The only thing I wondered was why there was no indication that Latifah recognised Jose. Was it just that she was frozen with fear? Also, Grant gave Tania a strange look before settling Tania on a chair. Was he giving Latifah a strange look, with the same thought in mind?
You have a real talent for making these scenes of high drama believable. The characters' reactions are well thought out.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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The tension remains high throughout this chapter and the reactions of all concerned are realistic. The only thing I wondered was why there was no indication that Latifah recognised Jose. Was it just that she was frozen with fear? Also, Grant gave Tania a strange look before settling Tania on a chair. Was he giving Latifah a strange look, with the same thought in mind?
You have a real talent for making these scenes of high drama believable. The characters' reactions are well thought out.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Good morning, Tony. Thank you so much for another wonderful review and all those lovely stars. That sentence you picked up about the 'strange look' I might have to add a 'thought' to it. Grant gave Tania a strange look because after all she had just gone through at the hands of that man, she was still very concerned about his wounds and asked Grant to look at them. As for Latifah, yes she was scared stiff, but again, after your comments, I'll go over that as well. This is one thing I love about FS, if we forget something, or make an error it's almost always picked up. Thank you for doing just that, Tony, you've been really helpful. Now to go over my MS Word doc and make some changes then change it on here.
And thank you for that lovely compliment at the end. I have gone a pretty shade of pink! Have a wonderful day, my friend! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
What an interesting development! Good for you.
I'm made a few suggestions but feel free to ignore them.
'I don't know, they left me when I was delivering the baby.' - period after 'know'
'I said DON'T LIE!' the man was becoming hysterical, then just as quickly, lowered his voice. 'the' should be capitalised.
'Mr Shore wouldn't be far away while his wife was having his child. Where are they!' - question mark after 'they'
The next second, she saw Grant come up behind the man, swinging a large china jug and smashed it onto his head. - I might have rearranged this 'The next second, she saw Grant, swinging a large china jug, come up behind the man, and smash it onto his head.
Peter was up and over to her in a jiffy, sitting on the edge of the bed he wrapped his arms protectively around his wife and baby. - replace comma with a period. Comma after 'bed'
Both men were quiet as the first signs of relief had their shoulders sagging. - I might have said 'Both men were quiet as their shoulders sagged with relief.'
Grant gave Tania a strange look before settling Tania on a chair. - replace second use of 'Tania' with 'her'
The tears started again as she tried to say the words, but couldn't. - maybe simply '... tried to speak, but couldn't'
'You protected Peanut, that is your prime job now. - replace comma with a period
I just hope they'll get here in time - do you mean 'get there in time'? Aren't they going to protect Jose's family?
'Let's get one thing straight, this is NOT your fault! - replace comma with a period.
Colin is a lying, cheating thief and obviously he and my so-called mother, are not against paying someone to commit a murder for them! - comma after 'thief', delete comma after 'mother'
Take care
Judy
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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What an interesting development! Good for you.
I'm made a few suggestions but feel free to ignore them.
'I don't know, they left me when I was delivering the baby.' - period after 'know'
'I said DON'T LIE!' the man was becoming hysterical, then just as quickly, lowered his voice. 'the' should be capitalised.
'Mr Shore wouldn't be far away while his wife was having his child. Where are they!' - question mark after 'they'
The next second, she saw Grant come up behind the man, swinging a large china jug and smashed it onto his head. - I might have rearranged this 'The next second, she saw Grant, swinging a large china jug, come up behind the man, and smash it onto his head.
Peter was up and over to her in a jiffy, sitting on the edge of the bed he wrapped his arms protectively around his wife and baby. - replace comma with a period. Comma after 'bed'
Both men were quiet as the first signs of relief had their shoulders sagging. - I might have said 'Both men were quiet as their shoulders sagged with relief.'
Grant gave Tania a strange look before settling Tania on a chair. - replace second use of 'Tania' with 'her'
The tears started again as she tried to say the words, but couldn't. - maybe simply '... tried to speak, but couldn't'
'You protected Peanut, that is your prime job now. - replace comma with a period
I just hope they'll get here in time - do you mean 'get there in time'? Aren't they going to protect Jose's family?
'Let's get one thing straight, this is NOT your fault! - replace comma with a period.
Colin is a lying, cheating thief and obviously he and my so-called mother, are not against paying someone to commit a murder for them! - comma after 'thief', delete comma after 'mother'
Take care
Judy
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Judy! I've just gone in and made all the corrections. Some were so obvious I'm ashamed not to have caught them my self. I'm glad you liked the new developement! Have a wonderful day, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
What a scary scene! I was thinking at first if Tania had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. She proved truly courageous again. I am glad that Grant could assume responsibility like that. Hope they all can be safe and away from the clutches of Colin, his mother or Rapier.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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What a scary scene! I was thinking at first if Tania had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. She proved truly courageous again. I am glad that Grant could assume responsibility like that. Hope they all can be safe and away from the clutches of Colin, his mother or Rapier.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Helen, for this lovely review. No, it was no dream, poor girl, she is going through it, isn't she? Now they have to wait until the hurrican has passed so they can try to sort things out. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
I see you rewrote the ending of the prior chapter to end on an up-note--stunning intro to this chapter--gripping scene skillfully rendered. The plot thickens , now that you've tossed another player into the evil stew!
Sugg: add Jose to character list (unless he won't be reappearing)
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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I see you rewrote the ending of the prior chapter to end on an up-note--stunning intro to this chapter--gripping scene skillfully rendered. The plot thickens , now that you've tossed another player into the evil stew!
Sugg: add Jose to character list (unless he won't be reappearing)
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Yes, I thought about it after a while and decided the ending would be a good beginning for this part. I'm glad you liked it, Liz. Thank you so much for this lovely review, you're a wonderful lady!! Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
I'll add Jose. :))
Comment from Cindy Warren
Why is Rapier in such a hurry? That was a dumb thing to do. Jose was no killer. Why wouldn't he just wait for the hurricane to blow itself out and come himself? Anyway, I'm glad Jose wasn't up to the job and Tania is okay.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Why is Rapier in such a hurry? That was a dumb thing to do. Jose was no killer. Why wouldn't he just wait for the hurricane to blow itself out and come himself? Anyway, I'm glad Jose wasn't up to the job and Tania is okay.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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It wasn't so much that he was in a hurry, but that after the hurrican he still wouldn't be able to get to Grant's island. When I went to Jamaica after a hurricane had hit it weeks before, many boats were still too damaged to put to sea. Rapier might know that as well, and realised that most likely would be the case this time. Using Jose, in his mind, would solve that problem and he could move on. But as you saw, poor Jose couldn't do it. Thank you so much for reading this part, Cindy, and for your comments. Because of them I'll add a little more to Rapier's way of thinking this out. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Well, Sandra:
You surely know how to sharpen your readers' interest in all the players in your novel, not just the main ones. Everyone can become a suspect under the right set of circumstances. Threatening a person's family is a cheap trick - but an effective one.
Jan
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Well, Sandra:
You surely know how to sharpen your readers' interest in all the players in your novel, not just the main ones. Everyone can become a suspect under the right set of circumstances. Threatening a person's family is a cheap trick - but an effective one.
Jan
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Lol, thank you, Jan, I'll take that as a lovely compliment. :)) I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, and you're right, if someone was to threaten my family, I'd do anything to keep them safe. But I hope I never have to find out! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
A very tight, well-written chapter. A contender, again, I bet, for the story of the month.
She noticed how his hand shook--perhaps she could talk him out of whatever it is he was going to do. [There is a very subtle slipping from past to present tense here with the "whatever it IS he was going to do.]
All this is my fault, I shouldn't have set that trap to catch Colin out. [I know it's dialogue, but you may want to replace the comma with a semicolon to prevent a comma splice. Or not. No biggie.]
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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A very tight, well-written chapter. A contender, again, I bet, for the story of the month.
She noticed how his hand shook--perhaps she could talk him out of whatever it is he was going to do. [There is a very subtle slipping from past to present tense here with the "whatever it IS he was going to do.]
All this is my fault, I shouldn't have set that trap to catch Colin out. [I know it's dialogue, but you may want to replace the comma with a semicolon to prevent a comma splice. Or not. No biggie.]
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Thank you for picking up that error, Jay, I hadn't noticed that and you were the only one who did. I've made that correction now, and you are right about the comma, it's a semicolon now! Your review is so helpful, and so nice, my friend, thank you, and a big hug for the sixth star! Love you lots! :)) Sandra xxx
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You don't know how relieved I am. My review could have been taken entirely wrong. It's difficult to point out an overall structural weakness when the prose is so well-written. Novel writing is terribly tiring. We all need a break from it for a while.
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Glad I could help. By the "error" you mean that slip from past to present. So easy to do. I read through my pieces specifically for such lapses in attention while I write.
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Yes, I seem to have spasms doing that. I must take a tip from you and double check for such lapses. Thanks again, Jay xx
Comment from royowen
Self blame seems to be the course of the day, but if I've learnt nothing in my life, it doesn't really change a thing. But is there nothing these nasties wouldn't do to alleviate and shake themselves free of guilt. That's the trouble with evil people, they don't see the truth, or how hopeless their position, they still think evil will triumph. Beautifully written Sandra, a high powered episode. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Self blame seems to be the course of the day, but if I've learnt nothing in my life, it doesn't really change a thing. But is there nothing these nasties wouldn't do to alleviate and shake themselves free of guilt. That's the trouble with evil people, they don't see the truth, or how hopeless their position, they still think evil will triumph. Beautifully written Sandra, a high powered episode. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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You are so right, Roy. It doesn't change a thing. Thank you so much for your lovely review, my friend, I always appreciate what you say. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Excellent post Sandra
Comment from Pam (respa)
-You really know how to weave a tale, Sandra.
-This has the makings of a great movie scene.
-I figured Rapier was going to be the intruder,
but he wouldn't have cared, like this man did,
even though he was there to kill Tania.
-Tania is turning out to be quite the heroine,
taking care of Latifah, delivering a baby, and
then defending them against this intruder.
-I like how you make us wonder who he is.
-It was obvious when tears were in his eyes
that something was unusual, in addition to
his shaking, which was probably due to
the wound, but also to nerves and fright.
-Amidst all of this Grant realizes he loves
Tania, and Peter happens to tell her about it, too.
-I am assuming Anna is Jose's wife? What a
horrible situation to put him in.
-This will certainly get more interesting!
-Well done with a combination of
love and danger, as well as betrayal!!
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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-You really know how to weave a tale, Sandra.
-This has the makings of a great movie scene.
-I figured Rapier was going to be the intruder,
but he wouldn't have cared, like this man did,
even though he was there to kill Tania.
-Tania is turning out to be quite the heroine,
taking care of Latifah, delivering a baby, and
then defending them against this intruder.
-I like how you make us wonder who he is.
-It was obvious when tears were in his eyes
that something was unusual, in addition to
his shaking, which was probably due to
the wound, but also to nerves and fright.
-Amidst all of this Grant realizes he loves
Tania, and Peter happens to tell her about it, too.
-I am assuming Anna is Jose's wife? What a
horrible situation to put him in.
-This will certainly get more interesting!
-Well done with a combination of
love and danger, as well as betrayal!!
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Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Aw, bless your heart, Pam, what a really lovely review you've given this part, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. It was quite a scene to write. Tania has changed since the beginning when it all went wrong for her. What a lot has happened since!! Thank you so much for the lovely sixth star, my friend. Sending you another hug, and much love. Sandra xxxx
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. Tania has come a long way in growth as well as distance away from problems, and closer to Grant. Latifah and Peter and Peanut have been good for her, too.
Comment from BethShelby
This was an excellent chapter. The gardener wasn't a killer, but he was put in the position of becoming one or seeing his own family die. Now Grant and Tania have to leave the Bahamas because it is no longer. Grant doesn't know how his location was found so someone can't be trusted. I'm looking forward to whatever happens next. Tania still hasn't seem to realize that Grant loves her.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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This was an excellent chapter. The gardener wasn't a killer, but he was put in the position of becoming one or seeing his own family die. Now Grant and Tania have to leave the Bahamas because it is no longer. Grant doesn't know how his location was found so someone can't be trusted. I'm looking forward to whatever happens next. Tania still hasn't seem to realize that Grant loves her.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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What a lovely thoughtful review, Beth! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Yes, Tania still doesn't realise Grant's feelings, even though Peter has told her, she doesn't believe it. She will soon enough!! Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx