The Inaccuracy of Intention
Your Last Big Shoot27 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
Hey Jay
wow, this is good, hence the six goldenness...I can feel this in my memory, oh geez, I quit my bb gun after something like this...and switched to something that would at least bring something down without suffering...I was young and 25 cnts a bird, eating the fruit, was a little too good to pass up...but I still feel like shit for the ones wounded and never found...
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021
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Hey Jay
wow, this is good, hence the six goldenness...I can feel this in my memory, oh geez, I quit my bb gun after something like this...and switched to something that would at least bring something down without suffering...I was young and 25 cnts a bird, eating the fruit, was a little too good to pass up...but I still feel like shit for the ones wounded and never found...
Comment Written 09-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021
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Bless you, Jodi. For the six, certainly, but also digging deep for how you can relate to it. Appreciated.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is really gruesome. A horrible nightmare come to life. It has the redeeming feature of being extremely well-written, and there is enough precision in it that the reader figures at least that (s)he can understand what it's all about.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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This is really gruesome. A horrible nightmare come to life. It has the redeeming feature of being extremely well-written, and there is enough precision in it that the reader figures at least that (s)he can understand what it's all about.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Katherine. Yes, I'm afraid it was gruesome. I appreciate your reading this and for your compliment.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Yes. It's very bleak. I have read many times of this short piece and still am still not sure whether the character is killing himself or someone else. I don't think he needs the gun in the picture.
As usual, your writing sometimes is over my head but I like the suspense.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Yes. It's very bleak. I have read many times of this short piece and still am still not sure whether the character is killing himself or someone else. I don't think he needs the gun in the picture.
As usual, your writing sometimes is over my head but I like the suspense.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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THank you, Lisa, for the review. It's a ten-year-old who did the shooting and one would hope, a lesson was learned.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
OH MY!!!!!!!!!! Your contest entry is extremely well written although I can honestly say, I did not like it, but I recognize good writing. Good luck with the contest.
On another note, I am home today because I got my 2nd COVID vaccination yesterday and slept for over 12 hours. I took the day off. I am okay, but still tired.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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OH MY!!!!!!!!!! Your contest entry is extremely well written although I can honestly say, I did not like it, but I recognize good writing. Good luck with the contest.
On another note, I am home today because I got my 2nd COVID vaccination yesterday and slept for over 12 hours. I took the day off. I am okay, but still tired.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Good for you, Barbara! I'm so pleased you got your second vaccination. Thanks for reading my dribble. Glad you didn't like it, LOL.
Comment from muffinmama
The punch in the gut upon reading this is my proof that it was perfectly written. Every word was necessary. Each image, that of the shooter and that of the bird, is a story in itself. The former needs to be told some day when you have some time.
Great work; it's a winner.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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The punch in the gut upon reading this is my proof that it was perfectly written. Every word was necessary. Each image, that of the shooter and that of the bird, is a story in itself. The former needs to be told some day when you have some time.
Great work; it's a winner.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Rhyma. Your review validates my hope ... that someone understood what I was trying to convey. You nailed it! As far as it being a winner, I don't have much luck when it comes to committees. Once more thanks for the lovely six stars.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Wow! That was impactful. Bang on in 50 words. I read and reread to let my brain take that impact. I am a vegetarian by birth and hunting and eating meat is a strict no-no for me. Good luck!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Wow! That was impactful. Bang on in 50 words. I read and reread to let my brain take that impact. I am a vegetarian by birth and hunting and eating meat is a strict no-no for me. Good luck!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much. The story should make vegetarians out of more of us. One would hope. I appreciate your kindness!
Comment from Gloria ....
Yikes, this is a most impact flash fiction. I can't imagine a b-b gun taking down something big, so it must be a bird, what with the down and all.
Very well done, Jay and I wish you much luck with the Committee. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Yikes, this is a most impact flash fiction. I can't imagine a b-b gun taking down something big, so it must be a bird, what with the down and all.
Very well done, Jay and I wish you much luck with the Committee. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Well, I don't do well with committees, Gloria. I'm thrilled you enjoyed reading this and your kind words are always a delight!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Ouch! It sounds a little more painless than a bee sting, a Covid shot, or a whack with a bat on the behind. And you expressed yourself in just 50 words. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Ouch! It sounds a little more painless than a bee sting, a Covid shot, or a whack with a bat on the behind. And you expressed yourself in just 50 words. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Ric. I appreciate your reading this and your kind words.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliant--I peg this as a winner! Stunningly graphic as appropriate to the event. Disturbing to contemplate--I'm a hypocrite to shun hunting, given that I have the stomach to eat the creatures I don't have the stomach to kill. Stupendous piece.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Brilliant--I peg this as a winner! Stunningly graphic as appropriate to the event. Disturbing to contemplate--I'm a hypocrite to shun hunting, given that I have the stomach to eat the creatures I don't have the stomach to kill. Stupendous piece.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Your enthusiasm is contagious, Liz. Thanks for reading and enjoying it.
Comment from kmoss
I just saw something similar on a show titled Who Killed Sara on Netflix. Except the poor wouldn't shoot. I couldn't do it, but I eat meat, such a shame. I went vegetarian for a bit but returned to my old, disgusting ways. With that being said, I think someone who hunts to eat or use the animal deserves more respect than factory farming. Those that hunt for pride only, I will never understand. Sorry to go off on a tangent. Well written entry in fifty words! Good luck in the contest. I can hear the cheering already just as I heard the gun from your description.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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I just saw something similar on a show titled Who Killed Sara on Netflix. Except the poor wouldn't shoot. I couldn't do it, but I eat meat, such a shame. I went vegetarian for a bit but returned to my old, disgusting ways. With that being said, I think someone who hunts to eat or use the animal deserves more respect than factory farming. Those that hunt for pride only, I will never understand. Sorry to go off on a tangent. Well written entry in fifty words! Good luck in the contest. I can hear the cheering already just as I heard the gun from your description.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you for reading this, Krystal. That means a lot to me. The kid was only 10. Many years to redeem.