I see You
Through the dark13 total reviews
Comment from PENofFIRE
This is a great contender for the contest. It is beautifully written and it expresses what we readers all feel. You did a great of putting your thoughts out there for all of us to see. Well done. Best wishes in thee contest.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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This is a great contender for the contest. It is beautifully written and it expresses what we readers all feel. You did a great of putting your thoughts out there for all of us to see. Well done. Best wishes in thee contest.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much
Comment from Patrick Letellier
I love your opening stanza, especially "the dark is my rhyme, the dark hold no time." Beautiful and thought provoking. The last stanza is equally strong, with a nice cadence. Also like that you break the pattern of starting each line with "I" as you do in the first three stanzas.
I'd like to hear more about owning the light you've never known and feeding the dark you've never grown. I'm not sure what these lines mean or refer to.How does one "feed the dark I've never grown"? I'm asking rhetorically. I repeat the words and, though intrigued, come up empty handed.
But alas, the beauty of poetry is that it doesn't have to be perfectly clear or understandable to every reader. Perhaps others read these lines and say "Yes, absolutely." That would not surprise me.
I come back to your last two lines. They're potent. I think the implication is that the narrator is blind (narrator as the voice in the pieces versus the author--you). Perhaps your narrator is blind and you, the author, are, too. Regardless, it's a beautiful ending.
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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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I love your opening stanza, especially "the dark is my rhyme, the dark hold no time." Beautiful and thought provoking. The last stanza is equally strong, with a nice cadence. Also like that you break the pattern of starting each line with "I" as you do in the first three stanzas.
I'd like to hear more about owning the light you've never known and feeding the dark you've never grown. I'm not sure what these lines mean or refer to.How does one "feed the dark I've never grown"? I'm asking rhetorically. I repeat the words and, though intrigued, come up empty handed.
But alas, the beauty of poetry is that it doesn't have to be perfectly clear or understandable to every reader. Perhaps others read these lines and say "Yes, absolutely." That would not surprise me.
I come back to your last two lines. They're potent. I think the implication is that the narrator is blind (narrator as the voice in the pieces versus the author--you). Perhaps your narrator is blind and you, the author, are, too. Regardless, it's a beautiful ending.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Many thanks my friend, I was in two minds about those lines and your asking of them has convinced me to change them, very much appreciated
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This poem is good for the "Why do you write" poem contest.
I like to write after midnight. It is quiet and no disturbance.
I agree with you on these:
"I feel the smiles when others read
I feel mistakes when "typos" bleed
I feel the joy that words can bring"
Writing is a joyful event
Thank you for sharing
Happy writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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This poem is good for the "Why do you write" poem contest.
I like to write after midnight. It is quiet and no disturbance.
I agree with you on these:
"I feel the smiles when others read
I feel mistakes when "typos" bleed
I feel the joy that words can bring"
Writing is a joyful event
Thank you for sharing
Happy writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much