Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Betrayal Chapter 25"In the title.
38 total reviews
Comment from alexisleech
This is one of the best chapters yet! Beautifully written, you managed to transport me to Tania's flat so I could watch the whole scene unravel in front of me. And now we're going to be treated to a romantic holiday on an island in the Bahamas - fantastic! I can't wait to read on.
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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This is one of the best chapters yet! Beautifully written, you managed to transport me to Tania's flat so I could watch the whole scene unravel in front of me. And now we're going to be treated to a romantic holiday on an island in the Bahamas - fantastic! I can't wait to read on.
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this sixth star, Alexis, and that really wonderful review. My head has swollen twice its size! Lol. Yep, I thought the Bahamas would be a romantic place to go to. Especially on his own private island!! Thanks, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from dmt1967
(Her own expression had already taken on the worry lines she'd not long rid herself of.) Okay, this line is very telling. Not only is sentences with 'had' in them sound telling but you told the reader about her expression instead of showing. (Creases appeared on her forehead as she frowned and wrung her hands.)
Grant and Jeff each pulled out a chair and sat with the ladies at the table. (Then three) pairs of eyes turned their attention to Grant. (Three) There is no need to write 'then.' Apart from it not really being needed, by opting it out, in my opinion, the sentence becomes sharp and more dramatic.
This is a great chapter and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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(Her own expression had already taken on the worry lines she'd not long rid herself of.) Okay, this line is very telling. Not only is sentences with 'had' in them sound telling but you told the reader about her expression instead of showing. (Creases appeared on her forehead as she frowned and wrung her hands.)
Grant and Jeff each pulled out a chair and sat with the ladies at the table. (Then three) pairs of eyes turned their attention to Grant. (Three) There is no need to write 'then.' Apart from it not really being needed, by opting it out, in my opinion, the sentence becomes sharp and more dramatic.
This is a great chapter and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, Jackie. Those were great examples and I've changed both those sentences. I'll have to go through chapters and see where I can change any 'telling' scenes.
I'm glad you are enjoying the book, I really enjoy reading what tips you have. Thanks again, my friend, warm hugs. Sandra.
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great chapter. The tension continues to build and there is undeniable warmth and attraction between the characters. Having Grant and Tania listen to Monica and Jeff at the door is a nice touch - and so is this one:
"...everything was being taken out of her control again. Did she really want that?" Its a nice glimpse into her character.
One very small thing:
'...I'll be there asap.' ASAP should be capitalized (even though it looks like yelling) because it is an acronym.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Great chapter. The tension continues to build and there is undeniable warmth and attraction between the characters. Having Grant and Tania listen to Monica and Jeff at the door is a nice touch - and so is this one:
"...everything was being taken out of her control again. Did she really want that?" Its a nice glimpse into her character.
One very small thing:
'...I'll be there asap.' ASAP should be capitalized (even though it looks like yelling) because it is an acronym.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this lovely review and the pick-up. I'll get that sorted straight away. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying the story. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
Whew! That is a sudden change. I hope Monica will stay safe with just Jeff guarding her. But with Monica refusing to go, Tania and Grant can now get to know each other. I sense a romance blossoming!
One question:
Do they still say "stewardess" in British English? I guess it's just American English that banned the use of gender-specific job nouns. We just say flight attendant.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Whew! That is a sudden change. I hope Monica will stay safe with just Jeff guarding her. But with Monica refusing to go, Tania and Grant can now get to know each other. I sense a romance blossoming!
One question:
Do they still say "stewardess" in British English? I guess it's just American English that banned the use of gender-specific job nouns. We just say flight attendant.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Hi Helen, I didn't know that, lol. I'm going back donkey's years to when I wanted to be one as a teenager. I just checked it out to see if it changed here as well. I'll change that now.
Thank you for reading this part, and for your lovely thoughts on it. And a big thank you for pointing that clanger of mine. I wouldn't want to be sued for sexism!!!! Lol. Have a lovely day, my friend, warm hugs. Sandra xx
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I don't think the British are quite as lawsuit-crazy like the Americans. I'm sure you're safe. But it stood out to me because it's been so long since I've seen "stewardess."
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No, we don't sue much, but you could bet your bottom dollar, I would be! Lol
Just looking at that expression, we use it a lot even though we don't have dollars. Did we get that from you?
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Of course, who else? Lol!! 😊
https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/62100.html
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Despite the snags that keep popping up, you are telling a very interesting story that now includes a growing relationship between Tania and Grant.
Also, Jeff and Monica look like an item. The threat of Colin permeates the story as well as the meanness of his mother.
Grant is proving to be a most accomodating person, for Tania.
Ralf
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Despite the snags that keep popping up, you are telling a very interesting story that now includes a growing relationship between Tania and Grant.
Also, Jeff and Monica look like an item. The threat of Colin permeates the story as well as the meanness of his mother.
Grant is proving to be a most accomodating person, for Tania.
Ralf
Comment Written 15-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your lovely review, Ralf. Yes, things are changing, and so is Grant! :)) Thanks for reading this part, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from muffinmama
I once had a boyfriend who flew me off to San Francisco (from Montreal) because he wanted to take me to his favorite restaurant. Does that count? LOL
The story is now taking a romantic turn, which is always lots of fun. I'm still enjoying it as much as ever.
If you have any nits hiding away, I haven't found them.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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I once had a boyfriend who flew me off to San Francisco (from Montreal) because he wanted to take me to his favorite restaurant. Does that count? LOL
The story is now taking a romantic turn, which is always lots of fun. I'm still enjoying it as much as ever.
If you have any nits hiding away, I haven't found them.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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Absolutely! Wow, I've never had anything like that happen to me! I bet you felt amazing when he did that.
Thank you so much for sharing that and for this lovely review and all the shiny stars. I'm glad you didn't find any of my naughty nits, lol. Thanks for your kind thoughts on this part, my friend. Warm hugs, and have a lovely week. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Yes, Now they will get to know each other better. This is an interesting story, Sandra. I am a little out of it but will keep on reviewing as long as I can. Well done, Dear. You are very talented. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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Yes, Now they will get to know each other better. This is an interesting story, Sandra. I am a little out of it but will keep on reviewing as long as I can. Well done, Dear. You are very talented. Nancy:)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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Oh, Nancy! How are you now? I've been thinking about you in all that pain. You take care. Thank you, big time, for coming on and reviewing this part, and for the lovely six stars. But I would like it more if you come on and tell me you are really feeling so much better. Love you lots, my friend. Sending you a big hug. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN!
I like where this is going! On what grounds can Colin "blackmail" Monica?
Sugg:
Feeling a lot more in control, a huge grin of satisfaction replaced his angry scowl. =>He felt in control; a grin replaced his scowl.
Grant didn't hang around[, driving=>; he drove] through the traffic like a man possessed.
[omit: white, puffy,] cotton-wool clouds.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN!
I like where this is going! On what grounds can Colin "blackmail" Monica?
Sugg:
Feeling a lot more in control, a huge grin of satisfaction replaced his angry scowl. =>He felt in control; a grin replaced his scowl.
Grant didn't hang around[, driving=>; he drove] through the traffic like a man possessed.
[omit: white, puffy,] cotton-wool clouds.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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HI Liz, thank you for reading this part. I took a look at the 'blackmail' sentence and could see why you asked the question. I've changed it to make it clearer: '....If he can whisk you away, he'll have the perfect means to blackmail her into not testifying.?
The rest I've corrected, thank you for all this! I'm glad you like where it's going. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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"Blackmail" implies that he knows a something embarrassing or criminal she did and threatens to rat her out.
Don't you mean that if he can grab Tania, he'd threaten to kill her if Monica testifies against him. (Blackmail does not pertain in this case.)
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Yes, you're right. I'll go back and find a better word. Thanks Liz. I'll get there!! Lol.
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Great fix--you nailed it.
Comment from blondie560
Sandra I love how there's a two for one love story going on here. I knew Jeff had a thing for Monica, but this is a whole new step for them. I laughed at how happy Tania was to be going to the Bahamas, when I think Spain or Greece would be way better. Of course I've only been to Nassau as a stop on a cruise and found it unappealing. We couldn't let our guard down relaxing on the beach, because we were continually harassed by panhandlers and many people had been robbed of their belongings. It wasn't a very nice time and the beach and ocean were beautiful, but it wasn't relaxing. But I know there are many islands in the Bahamas and if Grant owns it then it's going to be gorgeous. I'm looking forward to the connection between Tania and Grant growing. Have a lovely week. I hope you're back to feeling normal and the shingles are gone. Take care! Sally
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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Sandra I love how there's a two for one love story going on here. I knew Jeff had a thing for Monica, but this is a whole new step for them. I laughed at how happy Tania was to be going to the Bahamas, when I think Spain or Greece would be way better. Of course I've only been to Nassau as a stop on a cruise and found it unappealing. We couldn't let our guard down relaxing on the beach, because we were continually harassed by panhandlers and many people had been robbed of their belongings. It wasn't a very nice time and the beach and ocean were beautiful, but it wasn't relaxing. But I know there are many islands in the Bahamas and if Grant owns it then it's going to be gorgeous. I'm looking forward to the connection between Tania and Grant growing. Have a lovely week. I hope you're back to feeling normal and the shingles are gone. Take care! Sally
Comment Written 14-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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Good morning, Sally! Thank you for another of your lovely reviews, and the shiniest sixth star, (did you polish it before you gave it to me!!) I can understand why you would think Spain and Greece would be fabulous places for you, but they are countries most Brits pop across to for their holidays every year, being only a couple of hours away. And we've had some wonderful holidays there. (pre-Covid) Paris is less than an hour. The Bahamas is almost the other side of the world for us. So Tania is amazed that she's going there. :)) Now a private island as well, well, where could be better to start 'getting to know one another' hmm? Lol. Thank you again, my dear friend. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story.
Shingles all gone! Thank you for asking, the relief is amazing! xxxx
Comment from tfawcus
It would have been hard to imagine Tania taking off to some unknown destination with Grant a few chapters ago! How things have changed.
It looks as if you have a parallel romance developing on home shores, as well!
I enjoyed this chapter, racing through it to see what was going to happen next. You've left plenty of directions open for the next chapters.
One minor suggestion:
I thought the sense of breathless speed might be increased here with a fullstop.
Grant didn't hang around, driving through the traffic like a man possessed. [Grant didn't hang around. He drove through...]
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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It would have been hard to imagine Tania taking off to some unknown destination with Grant a few chapters ago! How things have changed.
It looks as if you have a parallel romance developing on home shores, as well!
I enjoyed this chapter, racing through it to see what was going to happen next. You've left plenty of directions open for the next chapters.
One minor suggestion:
I thought the sense of breathless speed might be increased here with a fullstop.
Grant didn't hang around, driving through the traffic like a man possessed. [Grant didn't hang around. He drove through...]
Comment Written 14-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2021
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Thank you so very much, Tony! I love your review, and the lovely sixth star.
I've changed that sentence to the way you have suggested, it's much better than how I had it! Yes, I have two romances going on here, I don't know how that came about because it wasn't planned. But obviously Monica had her own ideas! LOL
Have a wonderful day, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx