Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Football Chapter 12 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Katherine finds out who's been watching her.
A chapter in the book Football - A Novel
Football Chapter 12 part 2
Barb, you are making your football novel I find very interesting why? Because it looks like Mr. Edwards is trying to find anything unusual about Gabe. I'm now wondering if Mr.Edwards is trying to stop the friendship between Gabe and Katherine .
Gert
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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Katherine finds out who's been watching her.
A chapter in the book Football - A Novel
Football Chapter 12 part 2
Barb, you are making your football novel I find very interesting why? Because it looks like Mr. Edwards is trying to find anything unusual about Gabe. I'm now wondering if Mr.Edwards is trying to stop the friendship between Gabe and Katherine .
Gert
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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Hmmm interesting . I am wondering too. Thank you for the kind review.
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Well I will wait and see what you will let us know
Gert
Comment from Ben Colder
That Frost is determined to make things hard for everyone it seems. He is a loop head to hire someone to take pictures?
What a mess this is trying to be.
Poor Frost. He needs to be committed.
Good one Barb.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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That Frost is determined to make things hard for everyone it seems. He is a loop head to hire someone to take pictures?
What a mess this is trying to be.
Poor Frost. He needs to be committed.
Good one Barb.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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He sure does. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
So we see what's riled the dogs. Now it's about to move on. As far as the relationship goes, it's gonna have to be cooled even more before they can afford to heat it up, huh?
While waiting for Mr. Edwards to continue, Katherine said, [Barbara, check out the above conversation between Gabe and Paul. The way it's worded it's like Katherine isn't even in the room. I had to re-read it to make sure she hadn't left the room and I just missed it.]
I'm not interesting in starting a relationship with Gabriel or any man. [I'm not INTERESTED in...]
He grinned. It's above my pay-grade. I'm hungry [After "grinned" you need to enclose in quotes.]
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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So we see what's riled the dogs. Now it's about to move on. As far as the relationship goes, it's gonna have to be cooled even more before they can afford to heat it up, huh?
While waiting for Mr. Edwards to continue, Katherine said, [Barbara, check out the above conversation between Gabe and Paul. The way it's worded it's like Katherine isn't even in the room. I had to re-read it to make sure she hadn't left the room and I just missed it.]
I'm not interesting in starting a relationship with Gabriel or any man. [I'm not INTERESTED in...]
He grinned. It's above my pay-grade. I'm hungry [After "grinned" you need to enclose in quotes.]
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the catch. Something I needed to add in this post hit me about 2:30 this morning. I'm attempting to see how.
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OMG, not the 2:30 alerts! That's the bane of the serious writer, isn't it?
Comment from lancellot
This is another well written chapter. Perhaps in the next chapters we will find out why it matters if Gabe and Katherine were banging from dusk till dawn or not.
notes:
I'm not {interesting} in starting a relationship with Gabriel or any man.
- interested.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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This is another well written chapter. Perhaps in the next chapters we will find out why it matters if Gabe and Katherine were banging from dusk till dawn or not.
notes:
I'm not {interesting} in starting a relationship with Gabriel or any man.
- interested.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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I've made that correction. Thank you for the catch. We will find out, but it will take a little while longer.
Comment from F. William Lester
I'm jumping in here for the first time and in the middle of the story. A little confused at points, but got the gist of the story. Nicely written. I have two comments: first, I think your writing could use a good shot of action (i.e. body language). It's not that it's absent, but it needs to be more evident. "Gabriel studied his feet." Okay, but what else was he doing. Was he sweating, squirming in the chair, tapping his feet? You've got the elements there, you just need to beef them up. "Edward's tapped the desk." How? With his fingertips, fist, knuckles? Adding a little more emotion let's the reader in on the subtext. A couple of nit picks: First line of the second paragraph, replace the semi-colon with a comma. On the very last line of the chapter, you need a period.
Good story. Needs some work, but it has very good potential. Good luck. Good writing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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I'm jumping in here for the first time and in the middle of the story. A little confused at points, but got the gist of the story. Nicely written. I have two comments: first, I think your writing could use a good shot of action (i.e. body language). It's not that it's absent, but it needs to be more evident. "Gabriel studied his feet." Okay, but what else was he doing. Was he sweating, squirming in the chair, tapping his feet? You've got the elements there, you just need to beef them up. "Edward's tapped the desk." How? With his fingertips, fist, knuckles? Adding a little more emotion let's the reader in on the subtext. A couple of nit picks: First line of the second paragraph, replace the semi-colon with a comma. On the very last line of the chapter, you need a period.
Good story. Needs some work, but it has very good potential. Good luck. Good writing and stay safe.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the detailed review. I will recheck those areas.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Jealousy, professional or otherwise, is the green-eyed daughter of Satan. It
drives people to do things they would not ordinarily do. So, if Rodney Frost
already has a wife, why be jealous of Katherine? Or could it be that the head
of the math department figures his wife, Sandy, has a crush on Gabriel - or better yet - maybe Sandy is one of Gabe's old partygoers!?!
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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barbara:
Jealousy, professional or otherwise, is the green-eyed daughter of Satan. It
drives people to do things they would not ordinarily do. So, if Rodney Frost
already has a wife, why be jealous of Katherine? Or could it be that the head
of the math department figures his wife, Sandy, has a crush on Gabriel - or better yet - maybe Sandy is one of Gabe's old partygoers!?!
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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Oh my!!! I have so many thoughts on what you suggested. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Leann DS
Yes, football at the high school level is huge in Texas! My Texan husband still follows his high school team, and he is in his 60s now. Go Lobos!
Catherine and Gabriel seem awful innocent. And this PI has got to have something on them... Is it going to start getting crazy soon? :-) I was interested from start to end, and I did not notice any typos. Well done. Hugs and blessings.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Yes, football at the high school level is huge in Texas! My Texan husband still follows his high school team, and he is in his 60s now. Go Lobos!
Catherine and Gabriel seem awful innocent. And this PI has got to have something on them... Is it going to start getting crazy soon? :-) I was interested from start to end, and I did not notice any typos. Well done. Hugs and blessings.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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If you had followed this story from the beginning you would know why Frost has done his. Bottom line, he's crazy, but soon we will find out what helping feed into his craziness. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Another terrific read. We knew who the snoop was or who organized the PI all along. Frost is trying to create a lot of trouble. Not a spag anywhere and I still love this story.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Another terrific read. We knew who the snoop was or who organized the PI all along. Frost is trying to create a lot of trouble. Not a spag anywhere and I still love this story.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
So, with Paul Edwards the school principal as a go between, they discuss the recent happenings in the life and relationship between Gabe and Katherine, and with a PI stalking them they haven't done anything untoward, not even as much as a kiss. So, where to now? Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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So, with Paul Edwards the school principal as a go between, they discuss the recent happenings in the life and relationship between Gabe and Katherine, and with a PI stalking them they haven't done anything untoward, not even as much as a kiss. So, where to now? Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. They push forward. LOL
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Yes, onward
Comment from nomi338
As an African American man who entered the world of data processing at a time when there were not many working. I suffered some unfair practices of those who resented having to compete with me for promotions and raises. I also saw some of the same resentment arise when more and more women entered the business as competitors for positions of leadership. It is shameful, but not as prevalent today as it was back in the early seventies.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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As an African American man who entered the world of data processing at a time when there were not many working. I suffered some unfair practices of those who resented having to compete with me for promotions and raises. I also saw some of the same resentment arise when more and more women entered the business as competitors for positions of leadership. It is shameful, but not as prevalent today as it was back in the early seventies.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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I agree with you. I shouldn't ever have happened and unfortunately it still exists, for both minority groups and women. Thank you for the kind review.