Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Betrayal Chapter 14"In the title.
40 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, now that's what I'm talking about sweet girl...
Grant would do whatever it takes to get Tania back...
and now knows what he's been doing...
but they might want to speed things up...
before everything Tania eats after this...
will be through a straw...
but she's right...if she gives him what he wants...she's as dead...as dead can be...he can't let her go...
nowwwwww MY suggestion would be...and I want you
note...that I see you don't use a lot of them...
next time he hits her in the head...she should pretend
she is knocked out...if she really isn't...and when he leaves...runnnnn...
alright my amazing friend...your doing great...but just a little more information...you must get tired fast...LOL...by the time I get my cookies and milk to read...it's over...
Ok you...always a great chapter written...will be looking for the next one...longerrrrrrrrr....love you in bunches...Linda xxoo
You and Graham Have A Happy New Year...Ian too...xxoo
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Hi Sandra, now that's what I'm talking about sweet girl...
Grant would do whatever it takes to get Tania back...
and now knows what he's been doing...
but they might want to speed things up...
before everything Tania eats after this...
will be through a straw...
but she's right...if she gives him what he wants...she's as dead...as dead can be...he can't let her go...
nowwwwww MY suggestion would be...and I want you
note...that I see you don't use a lot of them...
next time he hits her in the head...she should pretend
she is knocked out...if she really isn't...and when he leaves...runnnnn...
alright my amazing friend...your doing great...but just a little more information...you must get tired fast...LOL...by the time I get my cookies and milk to read...it's over...
Ok you...always a great chapter written...will be looking for the next one...longerrrrrrrrr....love you in bunches...Linda xxoo
You and Graham Have A Happy New Year...Ian too...xxoo
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Hi|Linda, Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and I wish you and all your family the happiest ever New Year!
Okay, now to get down to your ideas. She pretends to be unconcious, and when he's gone, she runs like hell through the locked doors ... unless he's forgotten to lock it?? Hmm, that might work. Ummm, she doesn't know where she is. She could be on Mars! We don't really know if Colin is Human! Such a problem!! LOL/LOL/LOL :))
Now we have almost sorted that out, I think, umm, I do suffer so much, Linda, with tiredness, I find myself asleep on the keyboard and my hair nits start typing! What can one do??? :( My life is never without problems! Dear me, what a t'do!
Thank you my darling girl, for another fabulous, wonderful, funny review, and all those golden stars on top! You have been brilliant, like, forever! Sending you loads of love, dear friend, and loads of hugs. I bet you can't wait to see your mom again and grandkids and brother and sister ... in fact everyone. When do you get to me????
Take care, have a wonderful New Years Eve, (I'll be in bed) xxxxxxxx Sandra xxx
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OTFLMBO....hey for all we know...he may be the lost alien...and hey...windows break...who needs a locked door...( see how cunning my mind works)...
we may want to meet for lunch one day...just before we go visit the same shrink...
and you may want to get Graham to whip out the ole video recorder...or phone...and get me some video of you sleeping and nits typing for you...I could take that act on the road...this might finally be my chance to be a millionaire...if the media doesn't censor it...
I do miss them all...and it won't be long I'll see them...maybe...Kristy still keeping them away from people...Christmas they did go to his parents house...but they had to stand a distance away...on the driveway...crazy...
but yesterday was interesting...I took my neighbor to have some surgery done...and it started snowing...a blizzard...you couldn't hardly see the car in front of you...and people were sliding everywhere...you can slam on the gas or brakes...when the roads aren't plowed...and snow is beating down on the window...
but I did get lucky...I went in the hospital to see how much longer Zack ( in his 30's) would be...and the ladies at the deck said because of the snow I could wait inside...there is a God...we got home safe...but what a day that was...
well..I going to go eat some breakfast...and you my amazing friend...are always sooo very welcome...you take care as well...and a sky full of love coming your way...xxoo Linda
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The window is in the roof!!!!! LOL! And if you are going to make a fortune out of my nits typing, I want a share!! LOL!!
That journey sounded scary, it's a good job you are a professional driver, the miles you've driven, I'm sure you can handle anything. I'm glad you got home safe and sound. We had snow this morning, it melted before it touched the ground, no snowman building for me. :(
You take care, my friend. Love you loads. xxxxx
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OK!!! but we have to pay all the side stuff first....
there's the photographer ( that being Graham)
and then there's the shrink...much needed...
and of course the taxes...
we'll be lucky to have enough for that lunch..
and be the only millionaires I know having to wash dishes for our meal...
do your nits doing any other tricks???...
we might be able to salvage this situation...
God Bless sweet girl...love you loads too...
going out on the porch and watch the snow melt...and who says I don't have a life...now smile...
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LOL! You always make me smile, my dear friend. No one could be miserable when they have you as a friend. Love you lots. xxxxx
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smiling soooooooo big...soooooooo much love xxoo
Comment from alexisleech
Another fantastic chapter, Sandra. No nits that I could see, but yet again, my eyes were racing down the page so quickly, I wouldn't have seen them if there were. So what does Tania do now? She doesn't know that Grant is on her case and has brought his SAS pals in to help find her, so how does she stop Colin from killing her? I can't wait to find out!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Another fantastic chapter, Sandra. No nits that I could see, but yet again, my eyes were racing down the page so quickly, I wouldn't have seen them if there were. So what does Tania do now? She doesn't know that Grant is on her case and has brought his SAS pals in to help find her, so how does she stop Colin from killing her? I can't wait to find out!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 29-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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I'm glad there weren't any nits, my finger nails are quite worn down with the scratching! lol. Thanks so much for the golden sixth star, my friend, and the lovely review. As always I really appreciate you. Warm hugs and much love. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
These guys should be able to track them down. I don't think Colin is any match for them. Sorry I got so far behind. My hot water tank blew up, then my washing machine, and I had to wait for payday to renew my membership. FS wouldn't let me review till I did.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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These guys should be able to track them down. I don't think Colin is any match for them. Sorry I got so far behind. My hot water tank blew up, then my washing machine, and I had to wait for payday to renew my membership. FS wouldn't let me review till I did.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Oh, my word, Cindy! Isn't it always the way of it. Once one thing goes, more follows. I'm hoping my old washing machine holds on a bit longer. I'm sorry you couldn't continue reviewing, that was a bit harsh. So it's a big thank you for coming back and reviewing this part, my friend, and I really appreciate it. Have a wonderful 2021! Warm hugs. Have a wonderful 2021! Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Another tense chapter in the ongoing saga of betrayal.
So now there is a "team" of elite operatives.
This sounds like James Bond and M-5, Mitchell's secret service.
Colin sounds like a psycho. Unlike Lorna, I don't think it would
be difficult to prove his guilt.
We'll see how good the "team" really is.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Stay safe and have a great New Year!
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Hello Sandra,
Another tense chapter in the ongoing saga of betrayal.
So now there is a "team" of elite operatives.
This sounds like James Bond and M-5, Mitchell's secret service.
Colin sounds like a psycho. Unlike Lorna, I don't think it would
be difficult to prove his guilt.
We'll see how good the "team" really is.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Stay safe and have a great New Year!
Robert
Comment Written 29-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Robert, for another of your lovely, fun reviews. It was good that Grant has his ex SAS team working for him now, I was so relieved when I found that out! Now to formulate a plan, I'm sure they'll let me know as soon as they have. Just so long as I get their message before posting day!!
Thanks for all your support over the years, my friend, I've really appreciated every review, suggestion and ahem, compliment! :))
I wish you and Pam, and your son, the best and happiest New Year. Warm hugs, my friend Sandra xx
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Sandra, a powerful chapter. Well written, especially the passage where poor Tania is being 'dragged through the mill' - quite brutal. You portray her character well in this chapter. She is not a submissive female by any means. Colin showed just how brutal he can be and the description of his treatment of her is really damaging - poor thing, how much more can she take? You are a good writer Sandra - you'll soon receive the coveted prize mug. Love and good wishes for 2021 - surely things will get better - let's pray for it anyway. Take care and stay safe! Dxx
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Hello Sandra, a powerful chapter. Well written, especially the passage where poor Tania is being 'dragged through the mill' - quite brutal. You portray her character well in this chapter. She is not a submissive female by any means. Colin showed just how brutal he can be and the description of his treatment of her is really damaging - poor thing, how much more can she take? You are a good writer Sandra - you'll soon receive the coveted prize mug. Love and good wishes for 2021 - surely things will get better - let's pray for it anyway. Take care and stay safe! Dxx
Comment Written 29-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Hello, Dorothy. What a lovely review you've given this part, thank you so very much. It was hard as I've never written anything like this before, so it took quite a few edits, so I really appreciated all you said about it. Thank you so much for those golden stars, my friend. I've a huge smile on my face. I hope you have a wonderful, virus free, 2021, my friend. You stay safe and well, too. Warm hugs and much love. Sandra xxx
Comment from djsaxon
An exciting and solid write. Both the narrative and dialogue drive the story forward. I have come late to this but the strength of the write allows it to work as a stand alone. Thank you for sharing - DJ
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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An exciting and solid write. Both the narrative and dialogue drive the story forward. I have come late to this but the strength of the write allows it to work as a stand alone. Thank you for sharing - DJ
Comment Written 29-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, DJ, for this lovely review, more so because you've just joined me. I'm hoping it has captured you for further parts?? I hope you have a wonderful 2021, much better than this year has been. Warm hugs and stay safe and well. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This story grows and grows on me. Conversations are so real and the characters re natural and believable. Colin is a devil on wheels to be sure. Well written!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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This story grows and grows on me. Conversations are so real and the characters re natural and believable. Colin is a devil on wheels to be sure. Well written!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Rebecca, for all those lovely stars. That is so kind of you. I'm glad my story is 'growing' on you, that's what I was aiming for!!! LOL Have a wonderful week and a very happy New Year! Warm hugs Sandra xxx
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Oh my, you've done a very good job of getting us to the edge of our seats.
Thank God Grant has a team to help track down Colin. The extent that he will go to, is not in my mind very doubtful. Tania is in extreme danger. This chapter is gripping.
Ralf
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Oh my, you've done a very good job of getting us to the edge of our seats.
Thank God Grant has a team to help track down Colin. The extent that he will go to, is not in my mind very doubtful. Tania is in extreme danger. This chapter is gripping.
Ralf
Comment Written 28-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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I'm so pleased it worked, Ralf! Lol. Thank you so much for this lovely review, my friend. Have a wonderful New Year, and stay safe and well. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
Poor Tania. She is in a lot of trouble but it seems there is expert help on the way.
I've made some suggestions but feel free to ignore them.
Although she'd told Colin he could do his worst, she wasn't prepared for the hard, stinging, slap across her face. - delete comma after 'slap'
The violent strength behind it caused her neck to snap sideways and crack her head on the wall beside the bed. Tania could not stop herself from crying out as pain shot through her skull and face; the flashing lights, that spiked her vision, were only made worse when she closed her eyes ... as she found out to her cost. - maybe short, sharp sentences here to heighten the tension. Consider: The violent strength behind it snapped her neck sideways. Her head cracked on the wall beside the bed. Tania cried out as pain shot through her skull and face. Flashing lights spiked her vision. She closed her eyes but that only made it worse.
The room spun around, and the feeling of nausea had her swallowing hard, not wanting to throw up in front of him. - delete 'around'. Maybe 'the feeling of nausea made her swallow hard, not wanting to throw up in front of him.
Putting her hand to her head, she could already feel an egg-sized lump and a damp stickiness of blood in her hair surrounding it. - delete 'surrounding it' and would just hitting your head on a wall be enough to break the skin? Just sayin'.... Maybe it's a bed with a hard footboard and she hits her head on that.
The look Colin threw at Tania, left her in no doubt that he'd follow through with the threat. - delete comma
The smirk on Colin's face, sent shivers throughout her body. 'Oh, I'm not trying to get those plans off you, no, I want all the others.' - delete comma after 'face'. Period after 'you'
Once inside, she back kicked the door closed and went over to his desk. - I would hyphenate 'back-kicked'
'Look, I'm not saying he would--I'm just saying he's got nothing to lose, and his freedom to gain if Tania disappears.' - comma after 'gain'
Stay safe and a very happy New Year to you
Judy
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Poor Tania. She is in a lot of trouble but it seems there is expert help on the way.
I've made some suggestions but feel free to ignore them.
Although she'd told Colin he could do his worst, she wasn't prepared for the hard, stinging, slap across her face. - delete comma after 'slap'
The violent strength behind it caused her neck to snap sideways and crack her head on the wall beside the bed. Tania could not stop herself from crying out as pain shot through her skull and face; the flashing lights, that spiked her vision, were only made worse when she closed her eyes ... as she found out to her cost. - maybe short, sharp sentences here to heighten the tension. Consider: The violent strength behind it snapped her neck sideways. Her head cracked on the wall beside the bed. Tania cried out as pain shot through her skull and face. Flashing lights spiked her vision. She closed her eyes but that only made it worse.
The room spun around, and the feeling of nausea had her swallowing hard, not wanting to throw up in front of him. - delete 'around'. Maybe 'the feeling of nausea made her swallow hard, not wanting to throw up in front of him.
Putting her hand to her head, she could already feel an egg-sized lump and a damp stickiness of blood in her hair surrounding it. - delete 'surrounding it' and would just hitting your head on a wall be enough to break the skin? Just sayin'.... Maybe it's a bed with a hard footboard and she hits her head on that.
The look Colin threw at Tania, left her in no doubt that he'd follow through with the threat. - delete comma
The smirk on Colin's face, sent shivers throughout her body. 'Oh, I'm not trying to get those plans off you, no, I want all the others.' - delete comma after 'face'. Period after 'you'
Once inside, she back kicked the door closed and went over to his desk. - I would hyphenate 'back-kicked'
'Look, I'm not saying he would--I'm just saying he's got nothing to lose, and his freedom to gain if Tania disappears.' - comma after 'gain'
Stay safe and a very happy New Year to you
Judy
Comment Written 28-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Bless you, Judy! Thank you so very much for taking all that time to do these edits. I'm going to copy and paste them to my MS doc so I don't make any mistakes, then copy it back. You've been a great support to me and my writing, and I thank you muchly. (new word!) Have a wonderful New Year, my friend. You stay safe and well, and away from the virus! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
You provided more insights into Colin as he has Tania in his clutches. He is a serious criminal. He has really gotten himself into a deep hole at this point and he has taken Tania with him. A former Secretary of Defense in America once said, "When you're in a deep hole, stop digging." Colin is continuing to dig. Since he appears to have no semblance of a conscience, she is in great peril.
Lorna's logic about Colin having nothing to lose is realistic. This has become very serious. I'm not sure how Colin believes he will ever get away with any of this but he is of the nefarious sort.
The suspense is building quite well. You've put some twists into the story that make it more dangerous. Now that Grant has called for his security associates, there should be a turn in the story.
This is exciting and well written.
Robert
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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Hello Sandra.
You provided more insights into Colin as he has Tania in his clutches. He is a serious criminal. He has really gotten himself into a deep hole at this point and he has taken Tania with him. A former Secretary of Defense in America once said, "When you're in a deep hole, stop digging." Colin is continuing to dig. Since he appears to have no semblance of a conscience, she is in great peril.
Lorna's logic about Colin having nothing to lose is realistic. This has become very serious. I'm not sure how Colin believes he will ever get away with any of this but he is of the nefarious sort.
The suspense is building quite well. You've put some twists into the story that make it more dangerous. Now that Grant has called for his security associates, there should be a turn in the story.
This is exciting and well written.
Robert
Comment Written 28-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2020
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What a lovely review, Robert, thank you so very much. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, it took me ages to write it and hope it sounded realistic. Your review put a big smile on my face. Thank you. Have a wonderful 2021, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
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You're welcome Sandra.
Robert