More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Peter Allen - A stranger Arrives"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
32 total reviews
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What a wonderful second book beginning. This book will be as exciting as the first was. I wonder who Peter is looking for. I look forward to the next post!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
  |
What a wonderful second book beginning. This book will be as exciting as the first was. I wonder who Peter is looking for. I look forward to the next post!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Thank you for returning to review this second book in the series.
Comment from Sugarray77
Hello Jim, you have started the story with interesting points that piques the interest of the reader. I am glad you kept this a period piece and can use costuming and settings that will add a touch of romanticism... if indeed, that is what you intend to do. A great start!
Melissa
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
Hello Jim, you have started the story with interesting points that piques the interest of the reader. I am glad you kept this a period piece and can use costuming and settings that will add a touch of romanticism... if indeed, that is what you intend to do. A great start!
Melissa
Comment Written 25-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Thank you for looking in at the beginning of this continuation. I found your comment about it being a 'period piece' interesting. I suppose any story outside the present era can be so described.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
So, Tom Warburton died in the war? That's unfortunate, but at least he was a war hero.
I'm glad to get to know this part of the story from the beginning, although I'm still at somewhat of a loss, not knowing the full background of the story. If I have some time to spare, I may try to catch up, eventually.
I just noticed one very small error:
Not many private soldiers come looking up their sergeants major!'
-->
Not many private soldiers come looking up their sergeant's major!'
Your Notes are helpful and interesting. I had to smile when you wrote that "the bar" had nothing to do with drinks. I'm familiar with the term in the American legal system, as well. But some may not be aware of it.
The beginning of this book is quite intriguing, with a stranger in town, having come to look into the life of Tom Warburton.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
So, Tom Warburton died in the war? That's unfortunate, but at least he was a war hero.
I'm glad to get to know this part of the story from the beginning, although I'm still at somewhat of a loss, not knowing the full background of the story. If I have some time to spare, I may try to catch up, eventually.
I just noticed one very small error:
Not many private soldiers come looking up their sergeants major!'
-->
Not many private soldiers come looking up their sergeant's major!'
Your Notes are helpful and interesting. I had to smile when you wrote that "the bar" had nothing to do with drinks. I'm familiar with the term in the American legal system, as well. But some may not be aware of it.
The beginning of this book is quite intriguing, with a stranger in town, having come to look into the life of Tom Warburton.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Many thanks for this review. I am pleased that you found it intriguing It is always difficult when coming in otherwise than at the beginning. Please feel free to delve into the portfolio and do not feel that you need to review everything you read.
Sergeants Major is a plural form of Sergeant Major and is not written with an apostrophe.
-
You're very welcome! Thanks for explaining everything. Yes, maybe I'll do that -- some back-reading, without reviewing.
Pardon me, my mistake, I thought Sergeants Major was a possessive. I do a lot of reviewing and see a lot of errors. I see the difference here.
I look forward to reading more.
-
Apparently in British English and colloquially one can also say Sergeant majors, But Allen is a lawyer and they are all pedants so I thought he would be the sort of person who might use Sergeants major in normal speech. Lol
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I like this rector but I now know to be careful about liking your characters because you'll most likely have them killed off by the end of part 2. I suppose Peter Allen has a message for Heather? I wonder how the Jolliffes have fared now that we know that Tom W. has died in the war.
You're amazing to keep writing through the holidays!
Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
Well, I like this rector but I now know to be careful about liking your characters because you'll most likely have them killed off by the end of part 2. I suppose Peter Allen has a message for Heather? I wonder how the Jolliffes have fared now that we know that Tom W. has died in the war.
You're amazing to keep writing through the holidays!
Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 25-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
I can assure you the clergyman is a non-combatant in this story. The back story will fill the gap between Hettie's death and the here and now. Many thanks for your review.
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great introduction to a new story with a nod to the past characters. You've set the new time period well, and set some intrigue. As a Canadian I get the "called to the bar" reference. Really looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
Great introduction to a new story with a nod to the past characters. You've set the new time period well, and set some intrigue. As a Canadian I get the "called to the bar" reference. Really looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Many thanks for this review of the beginning of the new story.
Comment from Jay Squires
This Book begins well with the inquiry into Tom Warburton and the reader finds he hadn't been exactly drifting through life over the last 25 years. We are left wondering why Peter Allen, who had been Tom's military commander was now searching for him ... the the very area where Hettie had drowned a quarter-century earlier.
I'll be certainly interested in following your tale, Jim.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
This Book begins well with the inquiry into Tom Warburton and the reader finds he hadn't been exactly drifting through life over the last 25 years. We are left wondering why Peter Allen, who had been Tom's military commander was now searching for him ... the the very area where Hettie had drowned a quarter-century earlier.
I'll be certainly interested in following your tale, Jim.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
You are the first person to read more into that war memorial than just the name. Thank you for that. You wondering why Allen should have come to Cleeborough St Mary will be believably established very shortly.
Comment from JudyE
Merry Christmas, Jim.
I'm waiting for the day proper to start here so what better way to fill in a little time than to read your offering and ponder the reason behind Peter Allen's visit to Cleeborough St Mary.
A few thoughts:
'Ah yes, well of course you will have found him, down at the bottom. You are not from these parts then?' - comma needed after 'well' (maybe) and/or 'course'. I can imagine him saying 'well of course' without pause so maybe one comma would suffice here.
'No, Shropshire born though, Acton Scott in the North of the county, hence the regiment, - I would have put a period after 'though'
You were once, I imagine from what you said, Sergeant Warburton's company commander. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'I imagine, from what you said, you were once Sergeant Warburton's company commander.'
Did you, by any chance, know him, rector? - I can imagine this being said without pause and the commas interrupt the flow here. I'd maybe just leave the last comma.
He decided that he would have to trust somebody, if he was to get help in filling in the background he wanted - should it be 'were to get help'? I've never sure in these cases. I came across the same problem earlier with 'best to approach the woman whom he sought, if indeed she was still alive.' I'll leave it for you to worry about. :)
It's all rather complicated, and far too involved to bother you with out here, but I think you ought to know the background before you start delving, for which I would indeed be grateful. - this is pretty long and I'm not fussed about the positioning of the last phrase. Maybe 'It's all rather complicated, and far too involved to bother you with out here. But, before you start delving, for which I would indeed be grateful, I think you ought to know the background.'
'I must apologize, I'm laughing at the belief everyone seems to hold - period after 'apologize'
I would appreciate it if you would dine with me this evening, shall we say around seven? - period after 'evening'
Before leaving, the rector pointed out his rectory, a large, grey stone building, almost opposite the church, then he departed with the suggestion that if Allen was looking for a picturesque country walk in the meantime, he could do a lot worse than wander down by the river, past the mill. - this is very long. Maybe period after 'church' and maybe 'he departed with the suggestion that if, in the meantime, Allen was looking for a picturesque country walk, he could do a lot worse than wander down by the river, past the mill.
Peter Allen decided to take the clergyman's advice, so he set off, following the directions he had been given. - maybe 'Peter Allen decided to take the clergyman's advice, so, following the directions he had been given, he set off.
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
Merry Christmas, Jim.
I'm waiting for the day proper to start here so what better way to fill in a little time than to read your offering and ponder the reason behind Peter Allen's visit to Cleeborough St Mary.
A few thoughts:
'Ah yes, well of course you will have found him, down at the bottom. You are not from these parts then?' - comma needed after 'well' (maybe) and/or 'course'. I can imagine him saying 'well of course' without pause so maybe one comma would suffice here.
'No, Shropshire born though, Acton Scott in the North of the county, hence the regiment, - I would have put a period after 'though'
You were once, I imagine from what you said, Sergeant Warburton's company commander. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'I imagine, from what you said, you were once Sergeant Warburton's company commander.'
Did you, by any chance, know him, rector? - I can imagine this being said without pause and the commas interrupt the flow here. I'd maybe just leave the last comma.
He decided that he would have to trust somebody, if he was to get help in filling in the background he wanted - should it be 'were to get help'? I've never sure in these cases. I came across the same problem earlier with 'best to approach the woman whom he sought, if indeed she was still alive.' I'll leave it for you to worry about. :)
It's all rather complicated, and far too involved to bother you with out here, but I think you ought to know the background before you start delving, for which I would indeed be grateful. - this is pretty long and I'm not fussed about the positioning of the last phrase. Maybe 'It's all rather complicated, and far too involved to bother you with out here. But, before you start delving, for which I would indeed be grateful, I think you ought to know the background.'
'I must apologize, I'm laughing at the belief everyone seems to hold - period after 'apologize'
I would appreciate it if you would dine with me this evening, shall we say around seven? - period after 'evening'
Before leaving, the rector pointed out his rectory, a large, grey stone building, almost opposite the church, then he departed with the suggestion that if Allen was looking for a picturesque country walk in the meantime, he could do a lot worse than wander down by the river, past the mill. - this is very long. Maybe period after 'church' and maybe 'he departed with the suggestion that if, in the meantime, Allen was looking for a picturesque country walk, he could do a lot worse than wander down by the river, past the mill.
Peter Allen decided to take the clergyman's advice, so he set off, following the directions he had been given. - maybe 'Peter Allen decided to take the clergyman's advice, so, following the directions he had been given, he set off.
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 24-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
So pleased to have you still with us for this new story. The question of subjunctives is an awkward one:
'"He decided that he would have to trust somebody, if he was to get help in filling in the background he wanted - should it be 'were to get help'? I've never sure in these cases. I came across the same problem earlier with 'best to approach the woman whom he sought, if indeed she was still alive."'
I think in these instances you are right. I found this advice on this site:
https://www.businesswritingblog.com/business_writing/2011/08/if-i-were-if-she-were-using-subjunctive-verbs-with-if.html
'If Mike's mother were alive, she would still be correcting his grammar.
If the CEO were in the plant today, everyone would be nervous.
If I were you, I would read this information about subjunctive verbs.
Those "if clauses" describe things that are contrary to fact. The subjunctive form were informs readers and listeners instantly that Mike's mother is not living, the CEO is not in the plant today, and I am not you (this one the audience already knows, of course).
The verb form you might have expected in those sentences is the simple past tense was, but these sentence openers would be wrong for the sentences above:'
Then there was this, which I found less convoluted and British English into the bargain on :
https://grammar.collinsdictionary.com/easy-learning/the-subjunctive
'The past subjunctive
In written English and in very formal speech, the past subjunctive form were is sometimes used with the 1st and 3rd person singular, in place of the normal past form was.
The past subjunctive may be used:
after if or I wish, to express regret or longing
If your father were alive he would help you.
If I were rich I would buy a Ferrari.
I wish I were taller.
If only he were here now!
after as if/as though and similar expressions, to express doubt or improbability.
You talk to him as if he were your slave!
Some people behave as though dogs were human.
Many people prefer to use the normal form of the past in this type of sentence. This is quite acceptable in ordinary English.
If your father was alive he would help you.
If I was rich I would buy a Ferrari.
I wish I was tall.
If only he was here now!
You talk to him as if he was your slave!'
Anyway I am going to subjunctivise (how a bout that for a verb?) it. Lol.
-
Thanks for the info. I'll copy and paste it for future reference.
Stay safe
Judy
Comment from Cass Carlton
Here we go again, Jim. Your story has me totally enmeshed already. Peter Allen sounds as though he will become a very interesting character. I declare myself to be "all atwittter" to read more. All the best for Christmas and the New Year. Cheers Cass
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
 |
Here we go again, Jim. Your story has me totally enmeshed already. Peter Allen sounds as though he will become a very interesting character. I declare myself to be "all atwittter" to read more. All the best for Christmas and the New Year. Cheers Cass
Comment Written 24-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Yes indeed. Peter Allen will be the one to drive things alongg from here on in. Many thanks for this six-star review so early on.
Comment from robyn corum
Jim,
Wow. Not letting any moss grow on you, huh? Jumping right into the next portion of your saga. I am disheartened to learn that Warburton is dead - just like that. Dead. Right at the beginning of the story. He was a good man and deserved some happiness. I am sad.
This was well-written, as always - but your stars were very distracting. I think if you just leave them at the bottom of the page, the reader will discover them in time and understand just as well. Thanks!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
Jim,
Wow. Not letting any moss grow on you, huh? Jumping right into the next portion of your saga. I am disheartened to learn that Warburton is dead - just like that. Dead. Right at the beginning of the story. He was a good man and deserved some happiness. I am sad.
This was well-written, as always - but your stars were very distracting. I think if you just leave them at the bottom of the page, the reader will discover them in time and understand just as well. Thanks!
Comment Written 24-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Thank you for this review I tried to find a less distracting way of doing the stars but apart from leaving them out as you suggest I couldn't find a way round it. Of course they would appear bas a normal footnote in any published version.
-
How are you planning on handling that in a published book?
-
Since my books are designed predominantly for the British market I might not bother to bring them to reader's attention at all as the terms are generally understood. Either that or with the standard Word format footnote, which I have not found possible here on FS.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
You made me laugh, you reveal some interesting believes about how the man of cloth and the bachelor are dinning:"
'I must apologize, I'm laughing at the belief everyone seems to hold, that we men of the cloth live on tea and cucumber sandwiches, cut very thin of course.' The rector consulted his watch. 'I'm afraid I have an appointment which precludes our taking tea, but I would appreciate it if you would dine with me this evening, shall we say around seven? Mine is a bachelor existence, and I would be grateful for the company.'" Thank you for sharing and Merry Christmas.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
|
You made me laugh, you reveal some interesting believes about how the man of cloth and the bachelor are dinning:"
'I must apologize, I'm laughing at the belief everyone seems to hold, that we men of the cloth live on tea and cucumber sandwiches, cut very thin of course.' The rector consulted his watch. 'I'm afraid I have an appointment which precludes our taking tea, but I would appreciate it if you would dine with me this evening, shall we say around seven? Mine is a bachelor existence, and I would be grateful for the company.'" Thank you for sharing and Merry Christmas.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this now story.