Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Betrayal Chapter 13"In the title.
42 total reviews
Comment from BrooklynnPreston
This is very interesting and I just couldn't stop reading once I'd started. You add a little suspense here and there as well but not too much to make the story unlikable. My only criticism is in the very beginning you forgot to add quotation marks before and after a few sentences of people talking which made it a little difficult to understand what was going on. Overall amazing work.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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This is very interesting and I just couldn't stop reading once I'd started. You add a little suspense here and there as well but not too much to make the story unlikable. My only criticism is in the very beginning you forgot to add quotation marks before and after a few sentences of people talking which made it a little difficult to understand what was going on. Overall amazing work.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Thank you so very much for this wonderful review! Your words are so encouraging. I had a look at the beginning to try as see where I'd missed putting in the quotation marks and couldn't find any. I'm wondering if it's to do with the single quotation marks we use in the UK, against the double used in the US. I have to say, double is better. I might change all mine to be the same as others on here. I hope to see you again, it was so nice to read your thoughts on this part. Have a wonderful Christmas, and a much better 2021. :)) Sandra xxx
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I wish you a wondering Christmas as well
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
The quick sand gets quicker and the danger gets deeper.
Tania appears to be trapped with no escape.
The perfect SSM ending, "eyes as cold as death"
will have readers turning to the next chapter.
It's not clear how Colin could possibly think he can get away with this plan,
but the criminal mind is not often logical.
Best wishes for a great holiday and much better new year for all.
Stay safe.
Robert
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Hello Sandra,
The quick sand gets quicker and the danger gets deeper.
Tania appears to be trapped with no escape.
The perfect SSM ending, "eyes as cold as death"
will have readers turning to the next chapter.
It's not clear how Colin could possibly think he can get away with this plan,
but the criminal mind is not often logical.
Best wishes for a great holiday and much better new year for all.
Stay safe.
Robert
Comment Written 22-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Thank you so very much for another wonderful review, Robert. Tania is in trouble, but although Colin might not see it, he is, too. How it will be resolved it anyone's guess! Lol. Thank you for the shiny six stars, my friend. Well, Christmas is upon us, which takes us up to another years end, and a new beginning. Let's hope it's a better one. I wish you both, and your son, a happy, healthy one, and an end to the virus. Warm hugs, Sandra xxxx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
Our boy Colin is a full-time creep and a real criminal. Tania is not only in a compromising position, being held hostage, but she could easily fail to be extricated from the situation. Unfortunately, the criminal is holding all the cards right now.
The dialogue is tense and the situation is dangerous. You've done a good job putting it together and making it sound realistic.
Someone needs to intervene fast.
Robert
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Hello Sandra.
Our boy Colin is a full-time creep and a real criminal. Tania is not only in a compromising position, being held hostage, but she could easily fail to be extricated from the situation. Unfortunately, the criminal is holding all the cards right now.
The dialogue is tense and the situation is dangerous. You've done a good job putting it together and making it sound realistic.
Someone needs to intervene fast.
Robert
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you so very much for all those stars, Robert! You are sending me off to bed with a big smile on my face!! I really loved your review, that you thought the dialogue came through as I wanted it, and the how realistic it all sounded, is what every writer would like to hear. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart! Have a wonderful Christmas, and a better 2021. :)) Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
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You're welcome Sandra. I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas.
Robert🎅
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Don't give it to him, girly!! He won't hurt you because he needs it! Where's the steel spine that stood up to Grant...? :) ;)
Great story going on, my lady, so sorry I missed last Sunday's release, but I think I can reason it out if I don't have time to go back.... plus, Colin's getting more and more unstable... love the intrigue!! ;) Thanx for sharing and have a Happy Christmastime over there, my friend!! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Don't give it to him, girly!! He won't hurt you because he needs it! Where's the steel spine that stood up to Grant...? :) ;)
Great story going on, my lady, so sorry I missed last Sunday's release, but I think I can reason it out if I don't have time to go back.... plus, Colin's getting more and more unstable... love the intrigue!! ;) Thanx for sharing and have a Happy Christmastime over there, my friend!! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Yvette, for this fabulous review. Stay tuned, that steel spine turns up again. :))
I know you've had such a lot going on in your world, missing one part is nothing. I'm just glad things are going well with you and that you enjoyed this part.
You and yours have a wonderful Christmas, my dear friend, and let's hope for a better 2021. Warm hugs, Sandra xxxx
Comment from DSchlosser
Well, Colin seems like a complete dick from what I've read so far. I've only read this one chapter from the book, so it's hard to make a judgement on only one chapter in the whole story. It was well written, and I wonder if Tania will come out of this alive with the fact that Colin has drugged her and is threatening. It does not bode well for her.
Didn't really see any grammar mistakes. Some words I figure are different from here in the U.S., so I looked up the spellings and found nothing wrong with them. It's a little harder when switching on and off to UK English since some grammar differs along with spelling.
I may add this to my saved books to read more of the chapters.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Well, Colin seems like a complete dick from what I've read so far. I've only read this one chapter from the book, so it's hard to make a judgement on only one chapter in the whole story. It was well written, and I wonder if Tania will come out of this alive with the fact that Colin has drugged her and is threatening. It does not bode well for her.
Didn't really see any grammar mistakes. Some words I figure are different from here in the U.S., so I looked up the spellings and found nothing wrong with them. It's a little harder when switching on and off to UK English since some grammar differs along with spelling.
I may add this to my saved books to read more of the chapters.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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From reading this one chapter, you have captured Colin's personality perfectly. He is just as you described him. Tania is in trouble, but she is a fighter, so she won't give in without a fight.
I can't thank you enough for this lovely review and the six stars. Just to have you read it, was so gratifying.
I quite understand how hard it is to switch from U.S. to UK, grammer and spelling. Little things like the full-stop, (period) being one of them. We don't add a period to Mr and Mrs, US and UK, whereas you do. But, I would feel so honoured to have you join me as I post each part. Thank you so very much again for this lovely review. Have a lovely Christmas and a much nicer 2021. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
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Howdy Sandra,
I hope to read each part too! I'll need to start from the beginning of course and get caught up. I've been reconnecting with one writer on her from 7 years ago, so I'm going to be reading his works and yours. I think he's the only person I knew from so long ago that's left, so I am glad to make a new friend on here and to read some good writing!
Thanks,
David
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Howdy Sandra,
I hope to read each part too! I'll need to start from the beginning of course and get caught up. I've been reconnecting with one writer on her from 7 years ago, so I'm going to be reading his works and yours. I think he's the only person I knew from so long ago that's left, so I am glad to make a new friend on here and to read some good writing!
Thanks,
David
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Well, I'm delighted to now be one of your friends. From your review of this chapter, I already know you are thorough, and you are the type of reviewer I love.
I'm so pleased to meet you, David. Warmest hugs. xxxx
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This story gets better and better with each posting. Tania is in deep trouble, and should not try to bluff her way around with Colin. Can hardly wait for the next posting.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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This story gets better and better with each posting. Tania is in deep trouble, and should not try to bluff her way around with Colin. Can hardly wait for the next posting.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Rebecca, for another lovely review. Have a wonderful Christmas, my friend, and a much better, healthier 2021 :)) Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
Tania certainly has herself in a bit of a pickle. The dialogue is realistic and the plot is developing nicely.
Just a few points:
The harsh laugh that Colin let out, frightened her a bit. - delete comma
'Yeah, well this time it's true. - comma after 'well'
'Enough of this time-wasting crap. Give me your passwords so I can get your plans. - I would leave it at 'Give me your passwords' and delete 'so I can get your plans'.
'Nothing, I'll take you home.' - replace comma with a period
'I'm not giving it to you, that's final. - replace comma with a period
He put his hand in his pocket and brought out the recorder she was using to record his confession - comma after 'pocket' and delete 'and'
I hope you have an enjoyable Christmas and we'll catch you in the next chapter. :)
Judy
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Tania certainly has herself in a bit of a pickle. The dialogue is realistic and the plot is developing nicely.
Just a few points:
The harsh laugh that Colin let out, frightened her a bit. - delete comma
'Yeah, well this time it's true. - comma after 'well'
'Enough of this time-wasting crap. Give me your passwords so I can get your plans. - I would leave it at 'Give me your passwords' and delete 'so I can get your plans'.
'Nothing, I'll take you home.' - replace comma with a period
'I'm not giving it to you, that's final. - replace comma with a period
He put his hand in his pocket and brought out the recorder she was using to record his confession - comma after 'pocket' and delete 'and'
I hope you have an enjoyable Christmas and we'll catch you in the next chapter. :)
Judy
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Judy, for another of your really helpful reviews. You've been so kind. I've made all the corrections.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, too, my friend, and a much nicer 2021. With warm hugs, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I used to sympathies with Tania, but she is not very smart - going to fix her lipstick like for who? The cheater and the bugger. He might kill her and find somebody that will crack the passwords and then what? Thank you for sharing and Merry Christmas.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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I used to sympathies with Tania, but she is not very smart - going to fix her lipstick like for who? The cheater and the bugger. He might kill her and find somebody that will crack the passwords and then what? Thank you for sharing and Merry Christmas.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you for reading part 13, Iza. Now you've got me thinking. It was the only thing I could come up with to give him the opportunity to drug her wine. But it does make her sound a bit stupid. Hmm. Thanks for that. I'll work on it. :)) You have a wonderful Christmas too, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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Make her smarter and able to kick the bastard in his tender parts
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Congrats on your win, Sandra! Cheers. LIZ
Excruciating. Please post the next ASAP--I'm on tenterhooks!
There was also a bag [sat=>sitting] on the side from where Colin had
bed she was laying [lying] on
recorder she was using to record his confession and pressed, play.
sug: recorder she'd used to record his confession, and pressed "play."
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Congrats on your win, Sandra! Cheers. LIZ
Excruciating. Please post the next ASAP--I'm on tenterhooks!
There was also a bag [sat=>sitting] on the side from where Colin had
bed she was laying [lying] on
recorder she was using to record his confession and pressed, play.
sug: recorder she'd used to record his confession, and pressed "play."
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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I always get, laying and lying wrong! lol. Thank you, Liz, for that and the other helpful corrections. The next part will be up on Sunday, it's hotting up a bit now. I'm so pleased you are on 'tenterhooks' that really is encouraging. :)) Have as good a Christmas as you can under the covid restrictions, and I'm hoping we all have a must better 2021. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
OMG Sandra,...she didn't come back...she just woke up...kind of...
I thought she was coming home...and all kind of things were going to happen...gurrrrrrrrrrrr...
OK...she doesn't know what this nut case will do...just give him the password...will he let her go...who knows...but your overworked muse...but if she doesn't...a better chance he may kill her...unless he waits around for the password...
but truly can he let her go???
I know one thing...I wouldn't eat anything he gives her...and only drink if I broke the seal on the bottle...
maybe she could ask him what he wants for Christmas...break the ice...better than her neck...start telling him knock-knock jokes...knock-knock...who's there...yo da lady...yo da lady who...OK... maybe not...
very well written my amazing friend...they just never seem to be long enough for me...but you know how I am...it's a story that leaves you wanting more...sigh...going to love this book...I keep trying to place the picture to her...Santa's bringing sooooo much love from me to you...Merry Christmas to you and Graham...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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OMG Sandra,...she didn't come back...she just woke up...kind of...
I thought she was coming home...and all kind of things were going to happen...gurrrrrrrrrrrr...
OK...she doesn't know what this nut case will do...just give him the password...will he let her go...who knows...but your overworked muse...but if she doesn't...a better chance he may kill her...unless he waits around for the password...
but truly can he let her go???
I know one thing...I wouldn't eat anything he gives her...and only drink if I broke the seal on the bottle...
maybe she could ask him what he wants for Christmas...break the ice...better than her neck...start telling him knock-knock jokes...knock-knock...who's there...yo da lady...yo da lady who...OK... maybe not...
very well written my amazing friend...they just never seem to be long enough for me...but you know how I am...it's a story that leaves you wanting more...sigh...going to love this book...I keep trying to place the picture to her...Santa's bringing sooooo much love from me to you...Merry Christmas to you and Graham...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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You are such a scream! LOL!! I must copy and paste your reviews to my MS Word and whenever I feel down I'll be able to go into my 'Linda's hilarious reviews' folder and cheer myself up. LOL! Love you lots, my friend.
Now, is Tania safe? If she gives the toe-rag the password, will he let her go? Hmm. I think Tania has to think this out carefully.
You say the nicest things about my story, my dear friend, and you just keep encouraging me to carry on and work my muse harder. It's quite a happy muse, it just loves feeling wanted. LOL!
Have a really lovely Christmas, dear friend, and let's all pray for an end to this dreadful virus in the New Year. Love you lots! Sandra xxxxx
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you are toooooo funny...LOL..
and thank you for all your encouraging words...and I'm so glad I can make you laugh/smile...
as for Tania...if he does let her goes...it's prison time...if he doesn't let her go...then what...she'll have to get to her laptop...or her phone...but how...
ok...I'm off to do some last minute shopping...much love back at ya...xxoo