Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Betrayal Chapter 10"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Tania's fate is in Monica's hands now. I hope she acts quickly and can save her friend from whatever Colin has in mind. He is digging a deep hole for his self I think. Grant and Lorna will recognize the plans to be Tanias. Well done, Sandra. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Tania's fate is in Monica's hands now. I hope she acts quickly and can save her friend from whatever Colin has in mind. He is digging a deep hole for his self I think. Grant and Lorna will recognize the plans to be Tanias. Well done, Sandra. Nancy:)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Nancy. Yes, he might not realise it at the moment, but that is exactly what he's doing. How will he get out of it? Thanks for this lovely review, my dear friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping. This chilling character is masterfully depicted via his diabolical deeds--I am relieved that Monica is on it--alas, I expect Tania has dreadful times ahead.
struggled to breath [breathe]
Back with congrats on your prize!
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Gripping. This chilling character is masterfully depicted via his diabolical deeds--I am relieved that Monica is on it--alas, I expect Tania has dreadful times ahead.
struggled to breath [breathe]
Back with congrats on your prize!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Liz. Yes, Tania is in a spot of trouble. But, she has Monica, and she will kick up a storm to get some help. Thank you so much for this lovely review, my friend. :)) Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from aryr
A fantastic chapter, Sandra. Great continuation. Poor Tania trusted her wine to Colin. She had no clue that he would doctor it up with drugs and then kidnap her. Monica knew, unfortunately it did take her a few hours before she know and I imagine he will pay the price for hurting her best friend. Great job, lots of suspense, well done. Hugs, smiles and blessings.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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A fantastic chapter, Sandra. Great continuation. Poor Tania trusted her wine to Colin. She had no clue that he would doctor it up with drugs and then kidnap her. Monica knew, unfortunately it did take her a few hours before she know and I imagine he will pay the price for hurting her best friend. Great job, lots of suspense, well done. Hugs, smiles and blessings.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for this really lovely review, Alie. I'm glad you liked this part. I'm actually getting the hang of this novel writing! Lol. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Tania needs Monica, and let's hope she will come through for her. Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You are so welcome Sandra, by George you have mastered the novel writing. (smile) and hugs.
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Aw, what a lovely thing to say! Thank you Alie! Big hugs back. xxxx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I have to admit, I didn't see anything so desperate or drastic coming. But it now appears that Colin is capable of most anything. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Well, I have to admit, I didn't see anything so desperate or drastic coming. But it now appears that Colin is capable of most anything. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Ric, for this lovely review, and for all the shiny stars. No one realised what a nasty man he was. Perhaps Monica did, but no one else. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story, my friend, thank you. Warm hugs. Sandra xxxx
Comment from alexisleech
Wow!!!!! What a fabulous chapter. You had me rushing down the page so fast, I suddenly realised I was holding my breath! This isn't just 'good' writing, it's fantastic. You manage to suck the reader into the space, and hold on to them till the bitter end. Well done, my dear friend - you have surpassed yourself!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Wow!!!!! What a fabulous chapter. You had me rushing down the page so fast, I suddenly realised I was holding my breath! This isn't just 'good' writing, it's fantastic. You manage to suck the reader into the space, and hold on to them till the bitter end. Well done, my dear friend - you have surpassed yourself!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Aw, what a lovely thing to say, Alexis! Thank you so very much. I can't believe how well this part had gone down. I'm on cloud nine. Thank you so very much for the 6 stars, dear friend, and the very complimentary review. I'm over the moon. Big warm hugs, my wonderful friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
Oh dear. I wasn't expecting that. Thank goodness Monica is keeping her wits about her. I enjoyed this chapter and, of course, looking forward to the next.
I do have a few suggestions:
He took out the car key from his jacket pocket and pressed the button that unlocked the doors. - I might have just said 'and unlocked the doors.'
When he gave it a little shake he knew there was something inside. - comma after 'shake'
His face creased into an evil grin. Let's see what you have to say for yourself.
Back in the car, Colin checked that Tania was still out cold. 'Time to go.' He started the engine up, his face twisted into a satisfied grin. - you've used 'grin' twice in quite quick succession here. And 'evil grin' is (can't think of the word) but perhaps you could come up with something more original.
Monica had let herself into Tania's flat and went to put the coffee on. - I would delete 'had'
A vague feeling of foreboding clung to the air, - maybe 'Monica was filled with a vague feeling of foreboding.'
There's bound to be a simple explanation, after all, it's not like it's been hours. She grabbed her jacket, picked up the door key with her bag and rushed out the door. - period after 'explanation'. And maybe 'picked up the door key and her bag. Otherwise, she'd pick up the door key with her hand.
He had very fair hair, almost white, he stood just under six feet tall, and was well built.' - period after 'white' and maybe 'he is just under six feet tall, and well built.' It should be present tense and 'he stands' sounds a bit too formal.
The waiter called another over and asked him if he could remember. After describing them again, the other waiter nodded. - maybe 'After Monica described them again...'
Monica left the restaurant and began walking slowly back to Tania's flat. Where are you, Tania? What happened, what did that creep say to you? Monica was becoming more concerned as the minutes ticked by. - period after 'happened'
With her head dropped in thought as she walked miserably along the road, she didn't see the red stiletto healed shoe until it was too late and she stood on it. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'As she walked miserably along the road,her head dropped in thought, she didn't see the red stiletto healed shoe until it was too late and she stood on it.' Spelling - stiletto-heeled
That's Tania's! She bent down and picked up the shoe to examine it. It was very scuffed at the toe, and on one side, but it was definitely Tania's shoe. - delete 'to examine it' and second use of 'shoe'
Where the hell are you Tania, what's he done to you? - comma after 'you'
Even without any answers, she knew without a shadow of a doubt, Tania was missing, and worse still, she knew who'd taken her. - comma after 'knew' and maybe 'that Tania was missing'
Best wishes and stay safe
Judy
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Oh dear. I wasn't expecting that. Thank goodness Monica is keeping her wits about her. I enjoyed this chapter and, of course, looking forward to the next.
I do have a few suggestions:
He took out the car key from his jacket pocket and pressed the button that unlocked the doors. - I might have just said 'and unlocked the doors.'
When he gave it a little shake he knew there was something inside. - comma after 'shake'
His face creased into an evil grin. Let's see what you have to say for yourself.
Back in the car, Colin checked that Tania was still out cold. 'Time to go.' He started the engine up, his face twisted into a satisfied grin. - you've used 'grin' twice in quite quick succession here. And 'evil grin' is (can't think of the word) but perhaps you could come up with something more original.
Monica had let herself into Tania's flat and went to put the coffee on. - I would delete 'had'
A vague feeling of foreboding clung to the air, - maybe 'Monica was filled with a vague feeling of foreboding.'
There's bound to be a simple explanation, after all, it's not like it's been hours. She grabbed her jacket, picked up the door key with her bag and rushed out the door. - period after 'explanation'. And maybe 'picked up the door key and her bag. Otherwise, she'd pick up the door key with her hand.
He had very fair hair, almost white, he stood just under six feet tall, and was well built.' - period after 'white' and maybe 'he is just under six feet tall, and well built.' It should be present tense and 'he stands' sounds a bit too formal.
The waiter called another over and asked him if he could remember. After describing them again, the other waiter nodded. - maybe 'After Monica described them again...'
Monica left the restaurant and began walking slowly back to Tania's flat. Where are you, Tania? What happened, what did that creep say to you? Monica was becoming more concerned as the minutes ticked by. - period after 'happened'
With her head dropped in thought as she walked miserably along the road, she didn't see the red stiletto healed shoe until it was too late and she stood on it. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'As she walked miserably along the road,her head dropped in thought, she didn't see the red stiletto healed shoe until it was too late and she stood on it.' Spelling - stiletto-heeled
That's Tania's! She bent down and picked up the shoe to examine it. It was very scuffed at the toe, and on one side, but it was definitely Tania's shoe. - delete 'to examine it' and second use of 'shoe'
Where the hell are you Tania, what's he done to you? - comma after 'you'
Even without any answers, she knew without a shadow of a doubt, Tania was missing, and worse still, she knew who'd taken her. - comma after 'knew' and maybe 'that Tania was missing'
Best wishes and stay safe
Judy
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thanks so much, Judy, this was really helpful. You picked up on a couple of sentences that I'd changed so many times trying to get them right, and you did it for me!! Lol! I've already nominated you this month, so I can't again. But, thank you so very much for the time you have put into my review. I really do appreciate you a lot. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Wow, I wasn't expecting that! Who'd have thought Colin would be so dangerous. I hope the police will listen to Monica and they will track them down. Great suspense!
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Wow, I wasn't expecting that! Who'd have thought Colin would be so dangerous. I hope the police will listen to Monica and they will track them down. Great suspense!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Cindy! Monica has always known what Tania failed to see for a long time, that Colin is a nasty peice of work. Thank you so much for the six stars, and the lovely review. I really appreciate your support. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, OMG...I would like to sympathies with her...
BUTTTTT she asked for it...she knew he was dangerous...
so what was the reason for going out with him???...
well...if she wanted a hot date...she got one...
she's either going to come home with the headache...
of all headaches...or she not coming home at all...
maybe Monica could go to Grant...he knows all about him...
and I was starting to think she was smart...
and you knew this ahead of time...and didn't tell me...
now I'm going to the library and take out all those books for weeks...so no one can read them...even the Christmas one...of course their in Florida...and I'm in Illinois...
ok!!! I'll have you think of something else...
this one was a couch sitter...you didn't want to stop reading it...very exciting my amazing friend...awesomeeeee chapter you...now sweet girl...is there anything you would like to tell me...hint...very well written you...well done...sending lots of love over your way...Linda xxoo
How is Ian???...say hi for me...
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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HI Sandra, OMG...I would like to sympathies with her...
BUTTTTT she asked for it...she knew he was dangerous...
so what was the reason for going out with him???...
well...if she wanted a hot date...she got one...
she's either going to come home with the headache...
of all headaches...or she not coming home at all...
maybe Monica could go to Grant...he knows all about him...
and I was starting to think she was smart...
and you knew this ahead of time...and didn't tell me...
now I'm going to the library and take out all those books for weeks...so no one can read them...even the Christmas one...of course their in Florida...and I'm in Illinois...
ok!!! I'll have you think of something else...
this one was a couch sitter...you didn't want to stop reading it...very exciting my amazing friend...awesomeeeee chapter you...now sweet girl...is there anything you would like to tell me...hint...very well written you...well done...sending lots of love over your way...Linda xxoo
How is Ian???...say hi for me...
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Do you mean to say, that long letter I posted to you, telling you all about it, didn't arrive????? Well, that's the last time I trust Cuthbert the carrier pigeon!! Goodness me, you just can't get the postbirds these days! I'm sorry about that, Linda, I'm sure you'll fogive me now?? 🤣😍
Thank you so very much for this fabulous review, and all the stars, my dear friend. You always have me in pain with stitches in my side from laughing.
Now, in the next part, Colin is secretly an alien, and he needs Tania's brain. These aliens like roasted brains, they taste better that way, (so I've been told!) But, of course, Tania hasn't got any brains, if she had she wouldn't have met him. So, it's all been a waste of time. He kills her in his hungry rage and goes back to his own planet. THE END.
Phew, wasn't that exciting? Promise you won't tell a soul about this. I'm trusting you!!
Sending you loads of love and hugs, my fun friend, and when you talk to Noah, say hi from me. 😍 Sandra xxxxx
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OTFLMBO....a long letter!!!!...sure...I can see a pigeon carrying a long scroll of parchment paper...or just paper cross the waters...I hope he carried one of those energy drinks with him...
if you don't meet a real alien before you depart this world...I hope you do in the next...and make your day...I bet Graham looks under the bed before he goes to sleep at night...gives you one of those half smiles...knowing your feeble little mind...I'm sure things could change by Sunday...or I hope they do...Tania's life depends on it...bunches of love coming your way...and I will tell Noah...xxoo
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh No!! What a horrible man. He will have to kill her now or she will tell the police! I hope Monica can find her. Bad Man!! Never leave a drink unattended. This was great, I saw no errors. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Oh No!! What a horrible man. He will have to kill her now or she will tell the police! I hope Monica can find her. Bad Man!! Never leave a drink unattended. This was great, I saw no errors. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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I agree with you, don't leave your drink unattended. Girls do get into trouble that way. Thank you so very much for this lovely review, and all the stars, Rox, I appreciate both very much. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Oh. no, I thought she will be smarter this time, but she just fall again in his trap. I wonder if she is going to be held as a slave and be forced to design new plans for him.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Oh. no, I thought she will be smarter this time, but she just fall again in his trap. I wonder if she is going to be held as a slave and be forced to design new plans for him.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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LOL, Iza, I love your imagination! Hmm, a slave forced to design plans for him. Now why didn't I think of that! Lol. Wonderful. Thank you so much for your lovely review, my friend, my smile is splitting my face! Warm hugs! :)) Sandra xxx