Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Betrayal Chapter 5"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
This is the first installment I've read of your work and it kept my interest throughout.
I particularly like the little details that help us "see" the characters, like the line: "she clasped her hands on the table."
I also particularly liked the lines: "his face was in neutral gear" and
"If you want a grown-up conversation then act like one.
I typically give this advice to anyone writing a romantically themed story...be careful of cliche's. You haven't described the characters much in this installment, perhaps you have in others.
But nealry every romantic story I've read on this site says the women are beautiful or pretty and men handsome and/or well-built.
First of all, not everyone is great looking, not in life and not in fiction. Second, I suggest writers describe the features and the reader can decide for him/herself whether the character is fetching.
Good job.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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This is the first installment I've read of your work and it kept my interest throughout.
I particularly like the little details that help us "see" the characters, like the line: "she clasped her hands on the table."
I also particularly liked the lines: "his face was in neutral gear" and
"If you want a grown-up conversation then act like one.
I typically give this advice to anyone writing a romantically themed story...be careful of cliche's. You haven't described the characters much in this installment, perhaps you have in others.
But nealry every romantic story I've read on this site says the women are beautiful or pretty and men handsome and/or well-built.
First of all, not everyone is great looking, not in life and not in fiction. Second, I suggest writers describe the features and the reader can decide for him/herself whether the character is fetching.
Good job.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Hi, Cynthia, thank you so much for your lovely review. I do agree with you on the 'beautiful or handsome' we are all lovely to the one who loves us, but to someone else we could be plain Janes, or lanky James. :)) My descriptions come up as and when it happens naturally. I do hope you come again, I like the way you review and put your thoughts into it. I find them very helpful. Thank you, again. Warm hugs. Sandra. :))
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Thank you so much for your comments. I would like to see more of your fetching work :)
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Exceptional. You have a winner on your hands. This is extremely interesting and we are only in Chapter 5. Good writing begets a good read. Thank you for your efforts here. I'm waiting for the next chapter.
Ralf xx
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Exceptional. You have a winner on your hands. This is extremely interesting and we are only in Chapter 5. Good writing begets a good read. Thank you for your efforts here. I'm waiting for the next chapter.
Ralf xx
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Thank you so very much, Ralf, for the lovely review and all the shiny stars. It was so nice to wake up to this morning. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
These two just can't get along. But I have a feeling that will change. Well done as always. I didn't see any errors and enjoyed it as usually. Looking forward to the next chapter. =]
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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These two just can't get along. But I have a feeling that will change. Well done as always. I didn't see any errors and enjoyed it as usually. Looking forward to the next chapter. =]
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for your lovely comments, Rox. Feelings are often right! Stayed tuned, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I have a six star left; enjoyed reading your story. It's a lot easier to write fiction that it is to write non-fiction. To write from the heart is definitely a difficult thing to do. I hope that this young lady finds out what her unexpected friend is up too....I guess I'll wait until the next chapter to find out..
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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I have a six star left; enjoyed reading your story. It's a lot easier to write fiction that it is to write non-fiction. To write from the heart is definitely a difficult thing to do. I hope that this young lady finds out what her unexpected friend is up too....I guess I'll wait until the next chapter to find out..
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Aw, thank you so much, Rosemary, for you last six, you have quite made my day. I'm not feeling to good at the moment, so you have really given my a buzz. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
In this chapter Tania showed herself confident and assured even in the predicament she had been cast. The dialogue revealed the animosity, anger, and distrust that began the interaction.
In my experience in life, real, strong men like self assured women. Life is made of challenges. Meeting challenges with courage is what Tania is doing. How could anyone not like that? Sher even paid for her own coffee. :>)))
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hello Sandra.
In this chapter Tania showed herself confident and assured even in the predicament she had been cast. The dialogue revealed the animosity, anger, and distrust that began the interaction.
In my experience in life, real, strong men like self assured women. Life is made of challenges. Meeting challenges with courage is what Tania is doing. How could anyone not like that? Sher even paid for her own coffee. :>)))
Robert
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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You are a diamond! Thank you so much, Robert, your review has given me a huge buzz. I'm so pleased you liked the way this chapter went. Thank you, and a huge hug!! :)) Sandra xxx
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Hey Sandra.
Thank you for your Compliment. I enjoyed the chapter and found it interesting.
Robert
Comment from Monica Chaddick
Congratulations on your work being recognized. This is a very interesting story. It flows well and draws the reader in. I found really no problems with it. I am interested in reading further.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Congratulations on your work being recognized. This is a very interesting story. It flows well and draws the reader in. I found really no problems with it. I am interested in reading further.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for reading this chapter, Monica. It's nice to know you will be reading further chapters. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Tania is shaking the core foundation that Grant put his half-brother on. All he needs is to find the truth
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Tania is shaking the core foundation that Grant put his half-brother on. All he needs is to find the truth
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much, Iza. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story. Warm hugs, my friend. :) Sandra
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, cantankerous is putting Tania's mannerisms mildly. But she has never been out of line considering the way she's been treated and the accusations against her. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Yes, cantankerous is putting Tania's mannerisms mildly. But she has never been out of line considering the way she's been treated and the accusations against her. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Ric. I appreciate your lovely review, my friend. Have a lovely day. Warm hugs. :) Sandra. xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Ah, fire and ice. Will the fire melt the ice or the ice extinguish the flame?
You have the intense exchange down pat.
Going through the prickly thistle gate can be a painful experience, much the thorn on the stem of the rose..
"'In that case, we have nothing to discuss.' She stood up and turned to retrieve her coat, when Grant stood up and angrily told her to sit down. Stunned, Tania did as she was told."
I would not have expected Tania to be so "wimpy." It makes her seem like a child.
Maybe a little irony, 'perhaps if you had politely said please, I might have responded.' Grant could than reluctantly say "please'.
"My word, you are tall!" Personally, I would leave these thoughts out. It gives the likely result away to early. Just a thought.
Overall, worthy of publication. :))
Best wishes, my friend.
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hello Sandra,
Ah, fire and ice. Will the fire melt the ice or the ice extinguish the flame?
You have the intense exchange down pat.
Going through the prickly thistle gate can be a painful experience, much the thorn on the stem of the rose..
"'In that case, we have nothing to discuss.' She stood up and turned to retrieve her coat, when Grant stood up and angrily told her to sit down. Stunned, Tania did as she was told."
I would not have expected Tania to be so "wimpy." It makes her seem like a child.
Maybe a little irony, 'perhaps if you had politely said please, I might have responded.' Grant could than reluctantly say "please'.
"My word, you are tall!" Personally, I would leave these thoughts out. It gives the likely result away to early. Just a thought.
Overall, worthy of publication. :))
Best wishes, my friend.
Robert
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi, Robert. Thank you so much for this lovely review. I've worked on what you mentioned, and taken out those thoughts. I'll have to go over it again, though, later. I've come down with something and my doctor has put me on steroids and antibiotics for my breathing, and upped my inhalers. This might be the last message today as my head is not helping and I think I'll be going back to bed. Your review was very helpful, my friend. Thank you so much. Hugs Sandra xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
very nice instalment here indeed. The interactions between grant & Tania are very good.
He'd chosen to sit by the large picture window with a view overlooking the hotel's ornate gardens. - you could streamline this by omitting 'with a view'.
Pushing her cardigan sleeves up to just below her elbows, made me laugh as this is one of my traits! lol
My God, what a cantankerous woman she is. - I love that word. It's usually reserved for older snippy folk but works very well here.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Hi Sandra,
very nice instalment here indeed. The interactions between grant & Tania are very good.
He'd chosen to sit by the large picture window with a view overlooking the hotel's ornate gardens. - you could streamline this by omitting 'with a view'.
Pushing her cardigan sleeves up to just below her elbows, made me laugh as this is one of my traits! lol
My God, what a cantankerous woman she is. - I love that word. It's usually reserved for older snippy folk but works very well here.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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You have made my day, Gareth! Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I've been waiting on tenterhooks in the hope you'd read this part. I'll remove those words, they aren't needed at all. I'm so pleased you liked this part. And, please, never stop reviewing the way you do! You really made me sit up and take a good look at what I was doing. I'm more focused now. Thanks for this, my friend. I like that word, too! Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx