Slicker Than an Oil Stain
Not everything always goes to plan36 total reviews
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Lesson learned I will not bring a knife to a gun fight. I bet he learned that lesson that day as well. You did a great job and I'm glad the girl was able to protect herself in this story.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Lesson learned I will not bring a knife to a gun fight. I bet he learned that lesson that day as well. You did a great job and I'm glad the girl was able to protect herself in this story.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Raul1
I think that your story was funny and hilarious. Very creative. I like the twist ending. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like it. Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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I think that your story was funny and hilarious. Very creative. I like the twist ending. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like it. Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You are right, Mystery Author. He got what he deserved. Good for her. Your contest entry reads well with great imagery. The image is perfect, too.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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You are right, Mystery Author. He got what he deserved. Good for her. Your contest entry reads well with great imagery. The image is perfect, too.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much Jan. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written flash fiction about a modern fable. Most woman who lives alone and often go out in the evening are able to defend themselves in the case of someone trying to rob them.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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A very well-written flash fiction about a modern fable. Most woman who lives alone and often go out in the evening are able to defend themselves in the case of someone trying to rob them.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good story but very telling. Words like 'was' and 'had' I find give the story more of a telling vibe. Sometimes all that is needed is a bit of a reshuffle with words. Like the paragraph below.
'He heard her before he saw her. She was wearing heels that clattered with every step she took. He peered around the corner to gauge where she was at in her approach. She was wearing an evening gown and carrying a clasp purse and 15 feet away.'
Try...
'He heard the clatter of her heels on the pavement and peered around the corner. A middle aged woman in an evening gown with a clasp purse in her left hand approached the alley way.'
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. Stay safe.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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This is a good story but very telling. Words like 'was' and 'had' I find give the story more of a telling vibe. Sometimes all that is needed is a bit of a reshuffle with words. Like the paragraph below.
'He heard her before he saw her. She was wearing heels that clattered with every step she took. He peered around the corner to gauge where she was at in her approach. She was wearing an evening gown and carrying a clasp purse and 15 feet away.'
Try...
'He heard the clatter of her heels on the pavement and peered around the corner. A middle aged woman in an evening gown with a clasp purse in her left hand approached the alley way.'
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. Stay safe.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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Thanks for reading.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Poor robber, he underestimated a lady. It's his own fault as you stated. No sure he had a family and kids or not. I guess if he didn't, the legacy ended there. It is a good thing.
Well done as a fable.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Poor robber, he underestimated a lady. It's his own fault as you stated. No sure he had a family and kids or not. I guess if he didn't, the legacy ended there. It is a good thing.
Well done as a fable.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Marvelous story meeting the required norms, having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting its theme.
The last lines + Moral are particularly noteworthy.
Picture complements the theme.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Hello Friend,
Marvelous story meeting the required norms, having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting its theme.
The last lines + Moral are particularly noteworthy.
Picture complements the theme.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much I appreciate the six stars . I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
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Hi Friend, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from equestrik
This is a very well written story which adheres to the rules of the contest perfectly.This is definitely a good point to remember for someone going around looking for trouble. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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This is a very well written story which adheres to the rules of the contest perfectly.This is definitely a good point to remember for someone going around looking for trouble. Best of luck.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Ben B.
Ouch! Hahaha sucker sure had it coming. Reminds me of the story where some idiot tried to rob a gun shop and got shot up by seven customers. This story is in the same league.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Ouch! Hahaha sucker sure had it coming. Reminds me of the story where some idiot tried to rob a gun shop and got shot up by seven customers. This story is in the same league.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much I appreciate the six stars . I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from F. William Lester
You have a good story. You need to tighten up the wording. A couple of examples:
You use a lot of passive voice, which weakens your sentences. A frugal use of the passive voice is okay, but you used "was" 12 times in this short piece. Rewrite those sentences and reduce the passive voice by at least half. You'll find that you use fewer words and write stronger sentences.
"...Slick was nearly invisible because he was dressed in a dark hoodie and black jeans." Invert this sentence: "Clad in a dark hoodie and black jeans, Slick melted into the darkness." I cut two words and changed the the voice from passive to active.
I like the story and the twist at the end. It's a good start. A little editing will make a great piece.
Thanks for the read. Good writing. Good luck and stay well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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You have a good story. You need to tighten up the wording. A couple of examples:
You use a lot of passive voice, which weakens your sentences. A frugal use of the passive voice is okay, but you used "was" 12 times in this short piece. Rewrite those sentences and reduce the passive voice by at least half. You'll find that you use fewer words and write stronger sentences.
"...Slick was nearly invisible because he was dressed in a dark hoodie and black jeans." Invert this sentence: "Clad in a dark hoodie and black jeans, Slick melted into the darkness." I cut two words and changed the the voice from passive to active.
I like the story and the twist at the end. It's a good start. A little editing will make a great piece.
Thanks for the read. Good writing. Good luck and stay well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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thanks for reading.
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You're very welcome.