Old Decrepit Woman Revised.
Written about a painting I saw.177 total reviews
Comment from jhongyee
Very powerful in that, I feel it is important to remember that people live and die everyday in these conditions. Not to feel guilty for our air conditioned houses,seasonal clothing and accomodations, but to just be thankful for where we are right now - for where we were born.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
   |
Very powerful in that, I feel it is important to remember that people live and die everyday in these conditions. Not to feel guilty for our air conditioned houses,seasonal clothing and accomodations, but to just be thankful for where we are right now - for where we were born.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you.
Comment from livelylinda
bozroz,
Good impression of that painting you have painted with your words. I think I would have told the story through her eyes, which have seen about 100 years of good but mostly bad. From that picture, I would say she is most keenly aware of the world aroud her - what has gone by and what is yet to come. A thinker.
livelylinda
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
bozroz,
Good impression of that painting you have painted with your words. I think I would have told the story through her eyes, which have seen about 100 years of good but mostly bad. From that picture, I would say she is most keenly aware of the world aroud her - what has gone by and what is yet to come. A thinker.
livelylinda
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you.
Comment from Elizabeth-Anne
It does not matter that the poem is nont bout a live person, but you managed to capture a very ugly side to human nature and you also did it successfully. I like how the poem coincides with the portrait and that it flows. I like the length of the poem as well as your choice rhyme scheme. Well done
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
It does not matter that the poem is nont bout a live person, but you managed to capture a very ugly side to human nature and you also did it successfully. I like how the poem coincides with the portrait and that it flows. I like the length of the poem as well as your choice rhyme scheme. Well done
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you.
Comment from Raul GF
Being a mexican I looked and this picture and I see a glimpse of what I encounter every day at some street corner, so this poem seems to be the proper thoughts going into words for this face of someone in the end. It was a very interesting Ekphrastic exercise.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
Being a mexican I looked and this picture and I see a glimpse of what I encounter every day at some street corner, so this poem seems to be the proper thoughts going into words for this face of someone in the end. It was a very interesting Ekphrastic exercise.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you Charlatan.
Comment from JW
Your poem is very descriptive. It reminds me of years ago when I took a trip to La Paz, Bolivia and "toured" the side of town most foreigners do not see.
Many that I saw there would easily fit the description of the woman in your poem.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
Your poem is very descriptive. It reminds me of years ago when I took a trip to La Paz, Bolivia and "toured" the side of town most foreigners do not see.
Many that I saw there would easily fit the description of the woman in your poem.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thanks Jon.
Comment from Cassie Needham
Very descriptive poem. The picture goes well with it. Makes me think of the country Muldovia, how parents there have to drop off their children at orphanages, and just come back for them during crop season, because they can't afford to feed and clothe them, but they need the labor. My church sponsors Muldovia with missionaries, money, and boots for the kids. It is extremely cold there and the kids need new boots every year. Well written and vivid poem.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
Very descriptive poem. The picture goes well with it. Makes me think of the country Muldovia, how parents there have to drop off their children at orphanages, and just come back for them during crop season, because they can't afford to feed and clothe them, but they need the labor. My church sponsors Muldovia with missionaries, money, and boots for the kids. It is extremely cold there and the kids need new boots every year. Well written and vivid poem.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you Needham.
-
Your welcome!
Comment from Kelly Shackelford
Oh wow this is a greate ode to the lady in the painting! you painted a very sad picutre of her and her end:< Thank you for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
Oh wow this is a greate ode to the lady in the painting! you painted a very sad picutre of her and her end:< Thank you for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you Kelly.
Comment from mumsyone
My first problem with your poem came when I saw the title and then looked at the picture of the woman you are depicting as being old and decrepit. The woman in the picture is probably not as "old" as you think, and she looks far from decrepit. On the contrary, she appears to be someone who has worked hard throughout her life, probably spending a great deal of time in the sun. The appearance of her clothing (sari) make me think she is not the richest person in her country (probably India--not Mexico), nor is she the poorest. However, she does look like a woman who would call you down immediately for referring to her as old and decrepit!
As for the poem, "old decrepit woman" became a little redundant halfway through the poem and definitely took away from any emotional effect you were trying to get across.
I guess I'm just at a loss to figure out where you came up with such a "story" about the woman in this picture.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
My first problem with your poem came when I saw the title and then looked at the picture of the woman you are depicting as being old and decrepit. The woman in the picture is probably not as "old" as you think, and she looks far from decrepit. On the contrary, she appears to be someone who has worked hard throughout her life, probably spending a great deal of time in the sun. The appearance of her clothing (sari) make me think she is not the richest person in her country (probably India--not Mexico), nor is she the poorest. However, she does look like a woman who would call you down immediately for referring to her as old and decrepit!
As for the poem, "old decrepit woman" became a little redundant halfway through the poem and definitely took away from any emotional effect you were trying to get across.
I guess I'm just at a loss to figure out where you came up with such a "story" about the woman in this picture.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you mumsy.
Comment from Ekim777
Boz, this is your literary reviewer again. If the picture you displayed is about the woman that inspired your poem, I would like point out a couple of details that don't tally. Firstly she does not like one close to death, Indeed she might just limp on to the 120th year.She might even symbolize an ancient Madonna in some societies but how in hell did she bear a baby and why is she shivering in the Mexican heat? It is a very graphic illustration, old age, unveiled but not ravished or bruised though ancient people do bruise all to easily and to my clumsy mind; like a raisin without breath is not a suitable image.Judging by the very telling picture, and a picture speaks a thousand words, our lady seems stoically and well prepared to face her inevitable end. I should imagine, Boz that an ancient woman awaiting tragic, not terrible death would have one more simple demand of this world; a place to die and to die with dignity and buddy, your closing statement lacks wisdom.
We all must die not just the innocent but you and I. I'm sorry about my aggressive stance but I have something against
Ekprhastic poetry. Be well. - Ekim
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
Boz, this is your literary reviewer again. If the picture you displayed is about the woman that inspired your poem, I would like point out a couple of details that don't tally. Firstly she does not like one close to death, Indeed she might just limp on to the 120th year.She might even symbolize an ancient Madonna in some societies but how in hell did she bear a baby and why is she shivering in the Mexican heat? It is a very graphic illustration, old age, unveiled but not ravished or bruised though ancient people do bruise all to easily and to my clumsy mind; like a raisin without breath is not a suitable image.Judging by the very telling picture, and a picture speaks a thousand words, our lady seems stoically and well prepared to face her inevitable end. I should imagine, Boz that an ancient woman awaiting tragic, not terrible death would have one more simple demand of this world; a place to die and to die with dignity and buddy, your closing statement lacks wisdom.
We all must die not just the innocent but you and I. I'm sorry about my aggressive stance but I have something against
Ekprhastic poetry. Be well. - Ekim
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thanks Ekim.
-
That's okay buddy, Just let me know when I am stepping on your toes. - Ekim
Comment from Keronica
I think this poem will haunt me forever. So... sad....so... awful... so... true. We should not take our elders for granted. They are a very important part of our communities. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
~Keronica
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
|
I think this poem will haunt me forever. So... sad....so... awful... so... true. We should not take our elders for granted. They are a very important part of our communities. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
~Keronica
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
-
Thank you Keronica.
-
Anytime, sunshine!