MY ANGEL OF GOD
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Distressing News"Our love story revitalizes the spirit of Valentine
4 total reviews
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hello, after reading this, my immediate reaction was a picture with the Tsarina and Rasputin, and we all know how that turned out. I like your innovative approach to formatting, how does it work with a book? Do you still do the highlighting of text and adding pictures, etc.
I will be honest, as I try to be the same with everyone. I am not judging this on a moral basis whatsoever, not my thing, and if I was Tim, you could have her, and I'd get a better wife and learn by my mistakes. But whatever floats your boat.
I am giving it three because I found the intimate details became tedious, and at that point it lost me as a reader. I am not the navel contemplating type, I love adventure and a good story. I see you have your own site where you can publish your work, and that's great. I would not however, try to publish this with any of your own money. Seek proper representation. And for me it's a 'speculative non fiction romance'. One that has been published quite eclectically, but whether that is an attraction or distraction, remains to be seen. I would be interested in any publishing adventures you've had, and how you see the way ahead for this piece of writing. Where to situate it.
The other reason for the three is, you have a narrative voice that kept me out of the story. I hope that makes sense. I would shift the focus, so we aren't just hearing all the subtle nuances, and ins and outs of this bizarre relationship. At present, we are seeing it via your telling of it. A relationship evolving via correspondence. I want to feel and see their romance, not just you endlessly telling me about it. Now that is not as easy as it seems to write out, because you have to show the characters and create their world t let us see this dynamic for ourselves. And it is just a few characters, so you have to make them interesting.
The difference is watching Rasputin evolve within a descriptive story, rather than a third party telling us about Rasputin, and I hope you don't take offense, but you have actually captured his ideas on spirituality to perfection when you attribute healing powers to your erotic liaison, claiming it is of God. He did the same, said the same, and felt you needed to sin in order to feel repentance, I tend to think of fit as 'justifying anything,' and 'having ones cake and eating it too', or something like that.
I don't have a lot of interest in the minutiae of another couples affairs, and what they think of this and that in terms of their relationships spiritual content, and your search for an Angel, not unless you bring that Angel to life and show it to me.
I would also work on the female's character because at present, it is weak and that's not a good look. Powerful females sell books/scripts.
And on a personal note, where do you see yourself and your writing in five years time? I'm curious.
Thanks for sharing your writing, and if you edit, get back to me and I may change the rating after I take another look. Eve.
(And I just remembered something else that is good to know. As counterintuitive as it is, don't leave writing up for long here. And if you do get taking with an agent/publisher/producer, don't tell them you have posted work here, or that you have self published books, it works against you. They would take one look at this site and be put off, and any books that you have POD published, they will think, already been in the market and it did nothing, if it has indeed done nothing. If it's sold ten thousand copies, by all means tell them about it, but unfortunately that is not the cases on these online bookstores. Cheers, Eve)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Hello, after reading this, my immediate reaction was a picture with the Tsarina and Rasputin, and we all know how that turned out. I like your innovative approach to formatting, how does it work with a book? Do you still do the highlighting of text and adding pictures, etc.
I will be honest, as I try to be the same with everyone. I am not judging this on a moral basis whatsoever, not my thing, and if I was Tim, you could have her, and I'd get a better wife and learn by my mistakes. But whatever floats your boat.
I am giving it three because I found the intimate details became tedious, and at that point it lost me as a reader. I am not the navel contemplating type, I love adventure and a good story. I see you have your own site where you can publish your work, and that's great. I would not however, try to publish this with any of your own money. Seek proper representation. And for me it's a 'speculative non fiction romance'. One that has been published quite eclectically, but whether that is an attraction or distraction, remains to be seen. I would be interested in any publishing adventures you've had, and how you see the way ahead for this piece of writing. Where to situate it.
The other reason for the three is, you have a narrative voice that kept me out of the story. I hope that makes sense. I would shift the focus, so we aren't just hearing all the subtle nuances, and ins and outs of this bizarre relationship. At present, we are seeing it via your telling of it. A relationship evolving via correspondence. I want to feel and see their romance, not just you endlessly telling me about it. Now that is not as easy as it seems to write out, because you have to show the characters and create their world t let us see this dynamic for ourselves. And it is just a few characters, so you have to make them interesting.
The difference is watching Rasputin evolve within a descriptive story, rather than a third party telling us about Rasputin, and I hope you don't take offense, but you have actually captured his ideas on spirituality to perfection when you attribute healing powers to your erotic liaison, claiming it is of God. He did the same, said the same, and felt you needed to sin in order to feel repentance, I tend to think of fit as 'justifying anything,' and 'having ones cake and eating it too', or something like that.
I don't have a lot of interest in the minutiae of another couples affairs, and what they think of this and that in terms of their relationships spiritual content, and your search for an Angel, not unless you bring that Angel to life and show it to me.
I would also work on the female's character because at present, it is weak and that's not a good look. Powerful females sell books/scripts.
And on a personal note, where do you see yourself and your writing in five years time? I'm curious.
Thanks for sharing your writing, and if you edit, get back to me and I may change the rating after I take another look. Eve.
(And I just remembered something else that is good to know. As counterintuitive as it is, don't leave writing up for long here. And if you do get taking with an agent/publisher/producer, don't tell them you have posted work here, or that you have self published books, it works against you. They would take one look at this site and be put off, and any books that you have POD published, they will think, already been in the market and it did nothing, if it has indeed done nothing. If it's sold ten thousand copies, by all means tell them about it, but unfortunately that is not the cases on these online bookstores. Cheers, Eve)
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Dear Eve,
I am puzzled that you offer me a second review while entirely forgetting that I challenged you on your first review and specifically asked you to withdraw it. This erodes my confidence in you.
I now specifically ask you to delete both reviews and never to comment on my works again. Do this in one week, and all will be well. If not, I will take up the matter with the authorities.
Aaron
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And I just remembered something else that is good to know. As counterintuitive as it is, don't leave writing up for long here. And if you do get taking with an agent/publisher/producer, don't tell them you have posted work here, or that you have self published books, it works against you. They would take one look at this site and be put off, and any books that you have POD published, they will think, already been in the market and it did nothing, if it has indeed done nothing. If it's sold ten thousand copies, by all means, tell them about it, but unfortunately that is not the cases on these online bookstores. Cheers, Eve
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Sorry, that was meant to be a reply to someone else, but carpe diem, why wait for a week to tell the authorities, lol. You'll find the mute icon in your profile, Aaron, it's at the bottom, just squelch me now save me wasting more of my time on your. Eve.
Comment from Miranda Langston
this is a very well-written chapter and it is so sweet ^.^ i almost cried when i read the bit about you and your angel wiping each other's tears away. *sniffle* it's absolutely heart-melting. well done, man. keep writing
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020
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this is a very well-written chapter and it is so sweet ^.^ i almost cried when i read the bit about you and your angel wiping each other's tears away. *sniffle* it's absolutely heart-melting. well done, man. keep writing
Comment Written 17-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020
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Dear Miranda,
Thanks for being so transparent in your review. That is so precious for me to hear.
I couldn't ask a total stranger, but I find we have established a certain comfort zone with each other. Here are two questions that continue to unsettle me:
#1 Did I fail to protect my Angel's interests? Did I give up too much? Should I have asked my Angel to insist on a restaurant meeting once a month? Tim might not like this; yet, he has to allow that his wife is suffering greatly with his "no contact" call. Doesn't her welfare deserve some close attention as well?
Moreover, in the face of such a one-sided resolution, doesn't Tim take a fatal step that risks his future with his wife? Won't the day perhaps arrive when my Angel will see his demands as selfish and manipulative? Then what? He gained the lion's share, but the lioness sets out to hunt on her own. So by gaining everything, was he risking to lose everything? [#2 How would you advise Tim?]
Searching for clarity in my life,
Aaron
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Aaron,
"I crossed seas of time to find you" Dracula
I love that quote and the story.
Awesome job with this chapter. I know what you mean in more ways than one.
Excellent job. Write on...
Gypsy
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020
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Hello, Aaron,
"I crossed seas of time to find you" Dracula
I love that quote and the story.
Awesome job with this chapter. I know what you mean in more ways than one.
Excellent job. Write on...
Gypsy
Comment Written 17-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020
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Be sure to use this in your love story that is in the making:
"I crossed seas of time to find you" Dracula
Comment from Ricky1024
"Distressing News"
This chapter was interesting and well written.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020
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"Distressing News"
This chapter was interesting and well written.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 16-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020
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Hello, Dr. Ricky,
I'm thankful, as always, for your time and attention.
I couldn't ask anyone else, but I find we have established a certain comfort zone with each other. Here are my three questions:
#1 Did I fail to protect my Angel's interests? Did I give up too much? Should I have asked my Angel to insist on a restaurant meeting once a month? Tim might not like this; yet, he has to allow that his wife is suffering greatly with his "no contact" call. Doesn't her welfare deserve some close attention as well?
Moreover, in the face of such a one-sided resolution, doesn't Tim take a fatal step that risks his future with his wife? Won't the day perhaps arrive when my Angel will see his demands as selfish and manipulative? Then what? He gained the lion's share, but the lioness sets out to hunt on her own. So by gaining everything, was he risking to lose everything? [#2 How would you advise Tim?]
#3 And what do you make of the final paragraphs where my Angel and I wipe away each other's tears and have no need, accordingly, to get in the long line where God (not Jesus) does the final healing?
Sincerely,
Aaron