The Dream Man
Two women discussing man troubles in a bar19 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
This is a great short story, all the flavor of the interlude between the lunch crowd rush and the happy hour regulars(Bar tended for a few years, been there). Your portrayal of the unhappy house-wife putting her troubles on hold with a few drinks is terribly accurate. Loved the twist when the adulterous husband came through the door, I could feel the immediate tension, the embarrassment, the hasty explanations. Neat that you left the impending scene out, as in, "Which woman left first?"
irish
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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This is a great short story, all the flavor of the interlude between the lunch crowd rush and the happy hour regulars(Bar tended for a few years, been there). Your portrayal of the unhappy house-wife putting her troubles on hold with a few drinks is terribly accurate. Loved the twist when the adulterous husband came through the door, I could feel the immediate tension, the embarrassment, the hasty explanations. Neat that you left the impending scene out, as in, "Which woman left first?"
irish
Comment Written 27-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much. He probably turned and ran for his life!
Comment from BeasPeas
A good story which probably has more truth than fiction. Sooner or later they all get caught. I'm wondering if the ladies will want to keep in touch after discovering they were played by the same man. This is a well written piece. Congratulations on winning the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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A good story which probably has more truth than fiction. Sooner or later they all get caught. I'm wondering if the ladies will want to keep in touch after discovering they were played by the same man. This is a well written piece. Congratulations on winning the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much Marilyn!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
How many times you get the chance to met the mistress of your husband and even become friends? Funny but not quite funny for the man caught in the middle that will have to give some explanations. Thank you fir sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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How many times you get the chance to met the mistress of your husband and even become friends? Funny but not quite funny for the man caught in the middle that will have to give some explanations. Thank you fir sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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Thank you- it just won 1st place!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
WOOPS! Interesting story. There is no happy ending to this one! At least not for everyone. At the very least, what happens next will be awkward, at best, or could lead to a horrible confrontation. As I read your story, something was saying to me, in the back of my mind, "What if..." and that something was right on target.
Two little spags:
"What seems to be the problem?" asked Sarah, (sentence should end with a period, not a comma)
"He keeps telling me he's going to leave his wife, but then there is always some reason why he doesn't," Sarah explained (sentence needs a period at the end)
Your story is well crafted and a good read.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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WOOPS! Interesting story. There is no happy ending to this one! At least not for everyone. At the very least, what happens next will be awkward, at best, or could lead to a horrible confrontation. As I read your story, something was saying to me, in the back of my mind, "What if..." and that something was right on target.
Two little spags:
"What seems to be the problem?" asked Sarah, (sentence should end with a period, not a comma)
"He keeps telling me he's going to leave his wife, but then there is always some reason why he doesn't," Sarah explained (sentence needs a period at the end)
Your story is well crafted and a good read.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2020
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I made your little changes. I should have noticed those. Thank you so much. It just won first place!
Comment from Cindy Warren
I think Michael is busted. If he was meeting Sarah, why would he come inside the bar if he saw Claire's car there? He's pretty dumb. Either his affair is over, or his marriage is. Something tells me Claire and Sarah won't become good friends. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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I think Michael is busted. If he was meeting Sarah, why would he come inside the bar if he saw Claire's car there? He's pretty dumb. Either his affair is over, or his marriage is. Something tells me Claire and Sarah won't become good friends. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thank you, I was wondering if anyone would catch that line - as you said, if he was meeting Sarah, why did he go in when he saw his wife?s car? Good catch.
Comment from kahpot
Yes just leave us hanging, very well written as that is what a short story should do, you have set this up excellently with the intro of the two girls, very well written and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Yes just leave us hanging, very well written as that is what a short story should do, you have set this up excellently with the intro of the two girls, very well written and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much!!
Comment from Ulla
Oh, dear, this is a disaster! It's very well thought out. Two women meeting up by accident and then dicovering they're being cheeted by the same man. Very well thought out and well written. Good luck in the contest. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Oh, dear, this is a disaster! It's very well thought out. Two women meeting up by accident and then dicovering they're being cheeted by the same man. Very well thought out and well written. Good luck in the contest. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from w.j.debi
Oops. I had a feeling that was coming. And now both women know about each other and how to get in contact. Michael/Mickey is in deep trouble. He may lose both of them now.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Oops. I had a feeling that was coming. And now both women know about each other and how to get in contact. Michael/Mickey is in deep trouble. He may lose both of them now.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Hopefully!
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Deservedly!
Comment from Mark D. R.
I was curious about the contest. Saw only four entries so I read them all. Your title intrigued me the most. Normally I don't read or review any story entries or long verses.
Your ending was plausible given your title. So your conclusion was not unexpected.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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I was curious about the contest. Saw only four entries so I read them all. Your title intrigued me the most. Normally I don't read or review any story entries or long verses.
Your ending was plausible given your title. So your conclusion was not unexpected.
Nice job.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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There were a lot more entries but I think some people did not understand there could only be two people in the bar.
Comment from Rikki66
It was inevitable that the two women would be speaking of the same man. I have a hunch if you lengthen this tale the only loser would be the man. He is a cheater! He thought he had the best of both now he has neither if the women are not enablers.
RikkiLXXIII
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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It was inevitable that the two women would be speaking of the same man. I have a hunch if you lengthen this tale the only loser would be the man. He is a cheater! He thought he had the best of both now he has neither if the women are not enablers.
RikkiLXXIII
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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How very true!
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True:-)
Rikki