Picture Day
Explaining why mom wasn't told.15 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This account certainly will draw the reader in to reflect on their picture days. As a teacher, I had my picture taken on picture day. I was amused to see they still use those little black combs. When mom said this: "Brush your teeth and take a comb with you." I thought no need to do that. She might be surprised to know they still have those combs. It was hard to have my 6th graders keep them. They found all kinds of ways to make noise with them. Also, the toast discussion had an amusing bit of irony. This was fun. I am voting for this.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2019
  |
This account certainly will draw the reader in to reflect on their picture days. As a teacher, I had my picture taken on picture day. I was amused to see they still use those little black combs. When mom said this: "Brush your teeth and take a comb with you." I thought no need to do that. She might be surprised to know they still have those combs. It was hard to have my 6th graders keep them. They found all kinds of ways to make noise with them. Also, the toast discussion had an amusing bit of irony. This was fun. I am voting for this.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much Liz for reading my story. Your comments are inspiring. Your stars are awesome.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Yeah, this sounds like elementary school. The last advice before leaving, especially on picture day. My mother would usually spit shine our faces clean if we missed spots. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2019
|
Yeah, this sounds like elementary school. The last advice before leaving, especially on picture day. My mother would usually spit shine our faces clean if we missed spots. Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much Jeffrey for reading my story. Your comments are inspiring and your stars are awesome.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I really enjoyed reading this. Your approach, of using only direct speech, works well.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
Mom today is school picture day -- I like this as a first sentence. It immediately brings the reader into the center of the action {smiles}.
I forgot, you and dad were in a hurry -- I'd capitalize "Dad" here.
Good luck with this in the voting booth {smiles}.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2019
|
I really enjoyed reading this. Your approach, of using only direct speech, works well.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
Mom today is school picture day -- I like this as a first sentence. It immediately brings the reader into the center of the action {smiles}.
I forgot, you and dad were in a hurry -- I'd capitalize "Dad" here.
Good luck with this in the voting booth {smiles}.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much for reading my story Alex. I appreciate your comments. Your stars are awesome.
Comment from papa55mike
I've read several of these entries today, and I like this one. This little story is wonderfully written, and I love the picture.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
|
I've read several of these entries today, and I like this one. This little story is wonderfully written, and I love the picture.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 27-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much papa for reading my story. The picture was provided by the Contest Committee. I couldn't use my 4th Grade School picture, it may have disqualified me for this contest. I'll attach it after the contest is complete. I appreciate your encouraging comments, and your wonderful stars are awesome.
Comment from Therese Caron
Nothing like those school pictures! Either no smile or a weird fake one. If taken after lunch, food on face or on outfit. When we got them back, we had to pay for that whole expensive package of horrible pictures. And whose hair ever stayed nice and neat more than 10 minutes after their mother combed it? I love this writing. It is so true and I think will resonate with just about everyone that reads it. Very well done! You've hit home!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
|
Nothing like those school pictures! Either no smile or a weird fake one. If taken after lunch, food on face or on outfit. When we got them back, we had to pay for that whole expensive package of horrible pictures. And whose hair ever stayed nice and neat more than 10 minutes after their mother combed it? I love this writing. It is so true and I think will resonate with just about everyone that reads it. Very well done! You've hit home!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much Therese for taking your time to read my story. Your supporting comments and stars are awesome.
Comment from Raul1
I think that this poem has a very good chance of winning the contest! Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like this poem. Good luck in the contest! Well written dialogue.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
|
I think that this poem has a very good chance of winning the contest! Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like this poem. Good luck in the contest! Well written dialogue.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much Raul for taking your time to read and comment on my story. Your stars are awesome.
Comment from Barbaraj1
This is a cute story about your 4th grade memory. I never liked my picture taken. It certainly has humor, especially eating shredded wheat.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
|
This is a cute story about your 4th grade memory. I never liked my picture taken. It certainly has humor, especially eating shredded wheat.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
-
Thank your for reading my story Barbara. Your comments are encouraging and your stars are awesome.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow writer a terrific Tuesday to you. Thank you for sharing your story, I think you executed well within the rules of the contest. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
|
Hello fellow writer a terrific Tuesday to you. Thank you for sharing your story, I think you executed well within the rules of the contest. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much for reading my story and your comments. Your stars are awesome.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Nice little story that takes us to a different time. Sounds about right for a grade school boy of ANY time. They seldom care about pictures. I taught grade three for a while, and on picture day, I took in a bunch of cheap new combs and went over the kids' hair if they didn't have a comb. What a difference a little thing like that can make. Especially if your turn is after recess! :)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
|
Nice little story that takes us to a different time. Sounds about right for a grade school boy of ANY time. They seldom care about pictures. I taught grade three for a while, and on picture day, I took in a bunch of cheap new combs and went over the kids' hair if they didn't have a comb. What a difference a little thing like that can make. Especially if your turn is after recess! :)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
-
Phyllis thank you very much for reading my story. You are right on about the boy attitude. Thank you for your taking the time to teach young people. Teachers are under payed, over worked and unappreciated. Your stars are awesome.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is an interesting memory with remarkable recall on what dialogue was, or what it was similar to. The mention of a streetcar makes me think it must have been in a very specific city or state. With the first sentence: "Mom today is school picture day." - I would put a comma after Mom. And then every time Mom is mentioned, I would capitalize her name as it is a title. I would capitalize Dad in sentence #9. I would capitalize Uncle K.
I would capitalize Grandma and add an apostrophe plus an s in the sentence: "Why can't we have a toaster like Grandma's? It's faster." That way, you are not saying the toaster itself is like Grandma. With "Augh mom."
I would put a comma after "Augh" and then a comma after "Bye" in the last sentence. This is a funny, true-to-life kind of read. Nice entry in the contest!
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
|
This is an interesting memory with remarkable recall on what dialogue was, or what it was similar to. The mention of a streetcar makes me think it must have been in a very specific city or state. With the first sentence: "Mom today is school picture day." - I would put a comma after Mom. And then every time Mom is mentioned, I would capitalize her name as it is a title. I would capitalize Dad in sentence #9. I would capitalize Uncle K.
I would capitalize Grandma and add an apostrophe plus an s in the sentence: "Why can't we have a toaster like Grandma's? It's faster." That way, you are not saying the toaster itself is like Grandma. With "Augh mom."
I would put a comma after "Augh" and then a comma after "Bye" in the last sentence. This is a funny, true-to-life kind of read. Nice entry in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
-
Thank you very much Crystie for reading my story. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. Your stars are awesome.