Debt Collector
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Unexpected Guest"Unpaid loans can be deadly.
8 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
You have an excleent way with words telling us your story, which keeps me in suspense what is going to happen, with
Julie and Jeff when he meets with Lugi at Miller's Pond
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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Hello Mistydawn
You have an excleent way with words telling us your story, which keeps me in suspense what is going to happen, with
Julie and Jeff when he meets with Lugi at Miller's Pond
Gert
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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It's always an honor to hear from you, knowing that you're coming out of fanstory retirement to read my story. Thank you so much for your kind review. I'm glad you're enjoying this story. This upcoming job is going to shake Jeff up, more so than the last.
Thank you again for reading my story. Hope all is well, and that you're getting warmer weather, at least above freezing, take care.
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You are welcome MistyDawn
Gert
Since I have retired from posting my writings. A new door as opened for me. I have been asked to read some of my poetry during our Church services.
Gert
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That's terrific. I'm so happy for you.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So Jeff almost came into the house. That might be bad news for Julie or good news (that he won't be hurt). But the kids! What will the guy do if he finds them? I'm hoping he's not a monster. This story is making me very nervous. How can Jeff ever get out of this trap?
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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So Jeff almost came into the house. That might be bad news for Julie or good news (that he won't be hurt). But the kids! What will the guy do if he finds them? I'm hoping he's not a monster. This story is making me very nervous. How can Jeff ever get out of this trap?
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review, I'm glad you're getting into the story. It's good news if Jeff can save her, bad news if he gets caught. Who is coming down the stairs? Is it him or one of the girls?
Thank you again for your great review, all your help and support. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Misty,
Wow! This is a really gripping read! I like the way you switch between scenarios. I wonder if the man robbing Jeff's house is affiliated with Luigi? And what has he been doing for two hours? Lol Thanks for a great read. I wish I could award a six, but I am out. Jan
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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Hi Misty,
Wow! This is a really gripping read! I like the way you switch between scenarios. I wonder if the man robbing Jeff's house is affiliated with Luigi? And what has he been doing for two hours? Lol Thanks for a great read. I wish I could award a six, but I am out. Jan
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your great review and for all your high praise. I'm glad you enjoyed it, that it held your attention. The switching scenarios is my character's idea. The detectives don't like to be left out so I switch back and forth to pacify them. Unhappy characters makes for poor writing. Don't worry, I know they're fictional, but I've been working with them for so long they almost seem real.
Thank you again for your great review, all your help and support. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Amber Bakker
The story itself is awesome. Like a previous post said it could definitely be predictable, but it's still early so hopefully you have some twists and turns up your sleeve to make it your own. So far your characters seem too perfect. Let us see some flaws to make them more relatable. Otherwise I think your story is great! Awesome hook. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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The story itself is awesome. Like a previous post said it could definitely be predictable, but it's still early so hopefully you have some twists and turns up your sleeve to make it your own. So far your characters seem too perfect. Let us see some flaws to make them more relatable. Otherwise I think your story is great! Awesome hook. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your suggestion about flaws, I will keep that in mind. It could be predictable, but I'm not going to let that happen. Oh no, this story is going to go out with one heck of a bang, lol. I hope you'll stick around and find out what happens.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my chapter, take care.
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I look forward to it. Can't wait.
Comment from Maria Millsaps
I really like the story and I was able to pick up with the summary provided in the beginning. I just have one recommendation.
The boss has something else for you to do, so, meet (lets) at the park in ten."
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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I really like the story and I was able to pick up with the summary provided in the beginning. I just have one recommendation.
The boss has something else for you to do, so, meet (lets) at the park in ten."
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank you for reading my chapter I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your recommendation.
Thank you again for your review, I greatly appreciate it, take care.
Comment from ML Archibald
I know this sort of story can be somewhat predictable, but this one held my interest, and I wanted to know what happened next. I would want to read it.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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I know this sort of story can be somewhat predictable, but this one held my interest, and I wanted to know what happened next. I would want to read it.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your review I'm glad you enjoyed it and do hope you come back and read more. My stories predictable, oh I so hope you come back so I can prove you wrong.
Thank you again for reading my chapter, hope to hear from you again, take care.
Comment from royowen
Poor Jeff, they're not even even giving him time to get home now before they are calling him up. But I think I'd be telling them, "do their worst, then go to the police" poor Julie, held captive with the little ones in the house. There has been a witness to the fire setting, well done, exciting episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Poor Jeff, they're not even even giving him time to get home now before they are calling him up. But I think I'd be telling them, "do their worst, then go to the police" poor Julie, held captive with the little ones in the house. There has been a witness to the fire setting, well done, exciting episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Jeff wishes he can go to the police but he's so afraid what'll happen if he does.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
PS. The killer wasps have killed off one town and is going to the next. I know it's a crazy idea, no big expectations, just having a little fun, letting my imagination go wild see what happens.
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OK
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This story is inspired by two yellow jackets who recently has made it their life's mission to chase me in the house.
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I like that. Heh heh
Comment from 24chas
This was a good chapter, Mistydawn. Good action and I felt myself start to sweat when Jeff tried to push back to Luigi. The suspense continues to build. I think the noose is getting ready to tighten on Jeff. Nice job. Just a couple of nits:
Please help us get through this, please," (opening quote mark)
Her heart plunges to her stomach when she recognizes their face. (faces)
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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This was a good chapter, Mistydawn. Good action and I felt myself start to sweat when Jeff tried to push back to Luigi. The suspense continues to build. I think the noose is getting ready to tighten on Jeff. Nice job. Just a couple of nits:
Please help us get through this, please," (opening quote mark)
Her heart plunges to her stomach when she recognizes their face. (faces)
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Luigi is getting fed up with Jeff for sure. Hopefully Jeff will do as he's told, stop pressing his luck.
Thank you again for all your support and for catching my mistakes, It's always appreciated, take care.