GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "The Battlefield"A child is born who will be a champion
8 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna,
It's good to get your story told and then edit and re-edit as required to find the remaining errors.
I have not error corrected as it seems you already have many doing that for you.
It has been a pleasure to see your confidence grow and I have thoroughly enjoyed your story.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Hi Roxanna,
It's good to get your story told and then edit and re-edit as required to find the remaining errors.
I have not error corrected as it seems you already have many doing that for you.
It has been a pleasure to see your confidence grow and I have thoroughly enjoyed your story.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much Shirley
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I never saw any errors, Rox, I was too busy reading anyway. What a battle that was, and well executed. I was worried for Jarle for a moment, actually, I've been worried since you posted the last chapter!!! Thankfully, Joshua was there. Now, it looks like mummy dragon is a tad upset! Best be getting out of her way for a while! lol. Well done, great part, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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I never saw any errors, Rox, I was too busy reading anyway. What a battle that was, and well executed. I was worried for Jarle for a moment, actually, I've been worried since you posted the last chapter!!! Thankfully, Joshua was there. Now, it looks like mummy dragon is a tad upset! Best be getting out of her way for a while! lol. Well done, great part, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review. I do appreciate it. Rox
Comment from JudyE
This is very imaginative writing and thanks for sharing it with us.
I've listed a few corrections below:
He had practice the vary same war cry many times as a boy. It was a Wahaland war cry. - He had practiced the very same...
Jarle pulled the spear from Lucas' body, and the man he thought dead, held his sword against his stomach. His actions were swift for a man so badly injured - delete the comma
She had raised the dragon, it had been hers since she was a small child. - period after 'dragon'
They slashed at man and horse with sword and ax, many without weapons, threw stones. - period after 'ax'
Too many battles had left them exhausted and empathetic. - I'm not sure 'empathetic' is quite the right word here.
The ground around him was soaked in blood as he dispatched each man who came against him, none laid a hand on him. - period after 'him'
He knew most had been forced into the life they now led, and he gave them a choice, die, or surrender. Many did, having lost the will to fight. Those that refused, quickly lost their lives. - I might have written ' Many did surrender, having..... It would just make the meaning a bit clearer.
The battlefield was littered with bodies, the snow blood stained. - hyphenate 'blood-stained'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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This is very imaginative writing and thanks for sharing it with us.
I've listed a few corrections below:
He had practice the vary same war cry many times as a boy. It was a Wahaland war cry. - He had practiced the very same...
Jarle pulled the spear from Lucas' body, and the man he thought dead, held his sword against his stomach. His actions were swift for a man so badly injured - delete the comma
She had raised the dragon, it had been hers since she was a small child. - period after 'dragon'
They slashed at man and horse with sword and ax, many without weapons, threw stones. - period after 'ax'
Too many battles had left them exhausted and empathetic. - I'm not sure 'empathetic' is quite the right word here.
The ground around him was soaked in blood as he dispatched each man who came against him, none laid a hand on him. - period after 'him'
He knew most had been forced into the life they now led, and he gave them a choice, die, or surrender. Many did, having lost the will to fight. Those that refused, quickly lost their lives. - I might have written ' Many did surrender, having..... It would just make the meaning a bit clearer.
The battlefield was littered with bodies, the snow blood stained. - hyphenate 'blood-stained'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review and helps. I do appreciate it. Rox
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Half the time I wouldn't know if people get back to me or not so please don't worry about it. Luckily I don't suffer from hay-fever - or anything else much so I'm very fortunate.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
That was quite a battle. You could plainly see the difference between a well kept army and one that was
considered slaves and who were forced to fight. Jarle had been a big help with the army he recruited while in slavery. He was elated to be able to strike a earthshaking blow to Lucas. Good work. Very exciting and well told Roxanne. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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That was quite a battle. You could plainly see the difference between a well kept army and one that was
considered slaves and who were forced to fight. Jarle had been a big help with the army he recruited while in slavery. He was elated to be able to strike a earthshaking blow to Lucas. Good work. Very exciting and well told Roxanne. Nancy:)
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review. I do appreciate it. Rox
Comment from Shirley McLain
This reviewer didn't see an error to comment on. The storyline is excellent and I enjoyed reading it. Characters and dialogue are great. Have a good night. Shirley
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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This reviewer didn't see an error to comment on. The storyline is excellent and I enjoyed reading it. Characters and dialogue are great. Have a good night. Shirley
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review. I do appreciate it. Rox
Comment from Sally Law
No corrections my sweet except for one: please mark this for violence. I meant to tell you that last time. It was well-written, and as always full of action, gore, blood, love and intrigue. Good stuff. I think you're too hard on yourself. I'm just sayin...
All my best,
Sal :+)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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No corrections my sweet except for one: please mark this for violence. I meant to tell you that last time. It was well-written, and as always full of action, gore, blood, love and intrigue. Good stuff. I think you're too hard on yourself. I'm just sayin...
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review. I do appreciate it. Sorry I forgot to mark it as violent. Rox
Comment from royowen
So, the battle is over, Joshua has defeated Lucas' army, and they were aided by a slave army that were forced to fight, but they were malnourished and fearful of their heartless, cruel leader, who has been despatched by Both Jarle and Joshua, his huge beast has crashed and burned, and Dyster's mother is mortified by the death of her son, Ond-Natt. Well done Rox, good scribing, excellent, descriptive battle scenes, blessings, Roy
Typo : He had practised the (vary) same war cry... Very?
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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So, the battle is over, Joshua has defeated Lucas' army, and they were aided by a slave army that were forced to fight, but they were malnourished and fearful of their heartless, cruel leader, who has been despatched by Both Jarle and Joshua, his huge beast has crashed and burned, and Dyster's mother is mortified by the death of her son, Ond-Natt. Well done Rox, good scribing, excellent, descriptive battle scenes, blessings, Roy
Typo : He had practised the (vary) same war cry... Very?
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review. I do appreciate it. Rox
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My son in law are affected by hay fever too Rox, get well.
Comment from mancub
This a a very interesting story, It has a bold and medieval feel, your characters all come to life with the deep strong emotions you capture well throughout your story. this holds great imagination and each line paints a picture as if watching a film, you have a great story plenty of action to keep ones attention and hold it, very nicely don, Thank you for sharing, Mancub
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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This a a very interesting story, It has a bold and medieval feel, your characters all come to life with the deep strong emotions you capture well throughout your story. this holds great imagination and each line paints a picture as if watching a film, you have a great story plenty of action to keep ones attention and hold it, very nicely don, Thank you for sharing, Mancub
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Sorry I'm so late. I have been so tired, so have been going to bed instead of staying up reading and writing. Also had allergy headaches. Everyone in FL is dying from all the pollen! It's awful. Anyway, thanks so much for read and review. I do appreciate it. Rox